Hi Genetrkr...I can see our family has done a wonderful job advising and sharing their expiriences.The great thing about this place....Someone asks a question and the flood of responses helps all involved.
It's very disturbing and disheartening though to feel like you're losing your grip on who you were before fibromyalgia.I was only diagnosed recently so I myself am still adjusting and suspect it will be this way for awhile yet. I have severe problems with memory and for the last few years,I had been blaming it on ECT(shock) treatments that i had in the past for major depression. They claim that the memory loss associated is only short-term. I'd been saying" LIARS"...but now that I've been diagnosed with Fibro and CFS,it all makes sense. No less disturbing mind you...I seem to be getting worse in that department but I try to keep it to myself as much as I can because it's embarrassing. i find myself pretending to know what people are talking about and in my head thinking"I have no clue so I'm just going to keep my mouth shut". My husband gets very frustrated with me and that's very difficult too. My 11 year old daughter notices it all the time. She laughs about it though. That along with my being terribly clumsy makes for much fun if you can believe that. She thinks it's funny so I go along with it and I've decided that sometimes it is funny!Better to laugh than cry(which I also do when she's not around) Twice in the past month I've gone to the wrong car when leaving choir practice...and tried to get in!"Um,Mommy...what are you doing?"It might take awhile but I've found that humour gets us through a lot.I've learned to laugh at myself.I mean hard belly laughs.We get the best belly laughs at my expense!I got up from my chair to get something from the kitchen and I was walking like one of those wind up toys,shuffling right along...she laughed so I laughed...
I find it painful to look at pictures of her when she was younger because I have huge gaps in my memory...I couldn't tell you how old she was when she took her 1st step or when she lost her 1st tooth ect. It makes me feel like a bad mother...what kind of a mom doesn't remember this stuff?
Two weeks ago my wallet was stolen at the grocery/pharmacy because I pulled it out to pay,left it in the pharmacy counter,and walked away! I was so angry...It wouldn't have gotten stolen if I hadn't left it there in the first place!
So now,I write everything down.I would be lost without my calender.
As I was reading the other posts i was thinking that it might be difficult to know how these memory problems can be just another symptom of Fibro.Medication can cause a lot of problems and I hope that maybe with some adjusting the meds a bit will improve this for you.Even though I have the ability to laugh at myself,which helps,it's a disturbing reality for someone who is just starting to have this problem and my heart goes out to you.
My intention is to let you know that you're not alone,not to overwhelm you...
I have huge memory problems also. I can remember things like my sister being born 45 years ago, but sometimes I can't remember what I did two days ago. I really don't think the Cymbalta has anything to do with this because I had my memory problems long before I began my Cymbalta. I was even tested by my rheumatologist, who happens to be my Internist.(My memory was tested) If you are having problems sleeping at night, try an oldie but goodie, Trazodone, 150mg, I have no problems with it when I wake up in the am. I can not take Lyrica, too many side effects. Gentle Hugs,angelmim
Thank you fightergirl for sharing. I was writing to my sister earlier this morning and it was difficult to explain how the loss of my former self is tearing me up inside. I don't think she will understand. Recently I have had visits with family members and they are very open with their opinions of my parenting skills and I break down crying because sometimes I know they are right. Even my younger self would be very disappointed.
Like you I also have blank time periods for my son. I took many pictures during the time my memory was getting its worst. I wish when I looked at the pictures I could remember our day to day experiences. We visit my nephews on a regular basis and it is sad I can remember more of my nephew's toddler years (I babysat him) better than my son's. I am not so kind on myself but my son is helping because he takes after his dad who has a great sense of humor. When my son imitates my memory problems I start laughing in stiches because his parody is on target.
I call it Fibro fog. The inability to concentrate or remember simple things. I hear it can be worse with some medications. If I hold off on my pain med in the morning (just take ibuprophen, for instance) I find I am much less likely to get foggy. But the fog is still there to one degree or another--it depends on how tired I am. Mine shows up a lot with misplacing items and automatic driving. Also talking on autopilot--my tongue simply disconnects from my brain, and often I don't even realize I am talking at all. Sometimes I say things and cringe, knowing I said something I shouldn't or put it the wrong way, but I can't for the life of me figure out what the right way is.
I am going through the same thing, exactly. It's all associated with the fibro, the nerve endings in our brains start mis-firing. Be extremely cautious with your food intake, going gluten free will help with inflammation and pain meds are the worse, if you can tough it out, please do, the meds they had me for years literally destroyed the neuro-transmitters in my brain. You are not alone. Be kind to yourself. You did not choose Fibro, it chose you :)
I started having this problem and my doctor put me on Namenda. It brought my brain back and I am able to work on it. Talk to your doctors about it as it is an Altzhiemers (sp?) medication. It really helped me. I hope it might help you too.
I really understand and can relate to the memory issues. I have been so afraid of talking with people and they want me to recall a name or incident … I have learned to smile and say not sure because I have no clue even if it happened early in the day or the day before. My fiancée is started to be annoyed when he talks to be about something he said or we have done some. I have been over the High arise bridge several times and I always ask what bridge is this. He was so annoyed he though I was just ignoring him. I never told him about my memory issues because I thought I could deal with it without him noticing. Well after misplacing my purse keys cell phone and ring soo many times I could not hide any longer. I am know wearing a Fentanyl patch which has seem to make it worst. I am trying to take the least amount of meds I can and function okay. I am not taking meds for Fibro because I tried Lyrica and had a bad reaction. I am praying that all of us can find a way to function with memory issues and that we really look at the side effects of all meds. We are taking. I have fatigue really bad and one of the side effects of my Fentanyl patch. It really helps with pain so I have to find something to counter act the fatigue.
I have a lot of this. It started when I was a librarian, Before I received my diagnosis of fibromyalgia. I was in a car accident in 2004 and had chronic pain for years as well as sleep problems. I at first attributed the memory problems to the pain meds. I noticed it both during my graduate school work and my on-the-job work. I tried my best to cover it up and I think I did a pretty good job at not letting on that I was having problems with things with my colleagues. A lot of it were things like working with databases, knowing how to look up information, finding things in the library that were always in the same place, and just very mundane day to day things that had to do with studying. I found that it was necessary to hand write copious notes or else I wouldn't remember anything. I basically locked myself in my room for all of graduate school in order to study all day and all night over things that were so simple for me because I just couldn't retain information the way I used to. In spite of all this, I graduated with a 4.0 GPA and immediately got a great position within my library system. But until the day I left on disability, I felt like I was something of a fraud– I always felt like I was just holding on to information via tether in my brain and a lot of times I had to let patrons walk away from me and then go hunt them down later with the correct answers.
In my personal life, my memory problems have seriously impacted my relationship with my husband. He has expressed a few times his hurt over my not remembering special occasions that we have had together. I tried to explain that this is nothing personal and yet if I were him, I think I would probably feel the same way. I mean, unless someone has Alzheimer's, how do you explain someone just forgetting special occasions from your shared history? We know it's fibromyalgia, But for someone who doesn't understand it, how do you explain it? I know at another point, I apparently said something to him that has made him stop giving me flowers for what seems to be the rest of our days together. This makes me very sad. It seems particularly unfair when you can't remember what it is you said long enough to defend yourself.
The brain fog problems that I have now are just frustrating and range from not being able to focus on a book, A movie, or what someone is saying to me. I find it difficult to research things and to stay focused on anything. Retrieving memories from my brain is very difficult but I am lucky that I have always kept a lot of diaries so I have those that I can look back to if I have the patience. I also find it very difficult to stay organized when it comes to paperwork, Filing, and so on. I have lost my interest in writing as well, Partially because my hands have started to hurt so much that I cannot write anymore, so I am losing the ability to look back for answers in my diaries now too. I am 39 years old and I often feel like a geriatric person on the verge of dementia. I often can't remember if I took my medications today, what side effects of medications caused me to stop taking them, the names of doctors I saw a year ago, when I was diagnosed with what and by whom, and forget about simple things like passwords for websites or pin numbers! :) I have a love for computers but I no longer feel like I can keep up with Technology anymore the way I used to and that has been all great loss to me. I often think now that it would be very difficult for me to go back to work in my profession if I ever felt good enough to work again because I would be so far behind in technological advances during my time on disability. It seems like the key is to consider trying to start one's own business, but I feel like the brain fog and pain/fatigue of fibro is enough to stop me in my tracks. Yet I hate being on disability and being so isolated all the time.
By the way, I'm doing this all by enhanced dictation on my MacBook, so if you see any strange phrases, That's why! This is how I give my hands a rest but still can participate on this board.
My "brain fog" started after the strange rashes started. I connect the two as the epiderm is both skin and nerves from an embryologic perspective. I was "blanking out" like sitting in a stupor for 15-20 min periods at first. Then I noticed I was having problems in math, that I ususally was good at. Being 60, I thought I might have something to do with ageing, but when people were talking to me and I heard words, but couldn't put them together and make sense out of what they were saying, it terrified me. I thought I was having a stroke! Then the next few times it happened I did a neuro check, I was a doctor before the FM took me out, and all neuro externally was present and accounted for. So I assumed that since comprehension came back after a few minutes, it was an irritated foci in my brain, much like the rashes that were popping up on my skin. A reactive area, and thank God it calms down! I ride it out now and with a positive attitude thank God it goes away, because it could be worse. I'm convinced that FM is an adrenal dysfuncition at it's core impacting the immune system and there are many ways to regulate and heal a poorly functioning adrenal system. But life style change is imperative! I have "powered thru" most of my life and gotton far. I think this is what blew my adrenals at the start of the FM, that and dealing with intense chronic pain from a car accident for 12 years. I finally broke down and now I am rehabing myself holistically, like I used to do for my patients. I don't know how long it will take. I'm very damaged. And I don't take well to noise and confusion and negativity, so I'm constantly battling that. I just make my own happiness a priority, for a change, and that's my biggest life style change committment. Wishing you all forward momentum on your road to heath!
I also have memory problems. I work at a dog boarding resort and I have taken to writing things on my hand so I don’t forget any thing. My coworkers think it’s kind of funny and have asked why I just don’t use paper. My response “cause I will forget to look at the paper!” Lol. So we have now dubbed it my “hand of importance”. Btw I love my coworkers as they are more than willing to help me if I’m having a bad day and can’t do something I normally could do :-). They all know what I have and that I try my hardest to work through it, do my job and try not to use it as an excuse.
What are your degrees in? How about your bachelor's? Are you able to work at all? May I ask at what point you got the FMS? Thanks for any info you feel like sharing. Just curious.
My memory has destroyed my life! I too am a phd candidate, masters, BA and feel I can’t work as nothing!!! I need help!!! I can’t function like this… Hard to focus on reading books, movies, or even conversations that are long winded! I wish they would find a cure!!!
Oh i have been dealing with this for over 2 yrs. it’s one of the reasons I had to quit working. I was a fifth and 1st grade teacher. My co-workers helped me a great deal the first year. The second year I organized more so than I always was. The problem was I could NEVER find the things I had organized and put away because I was putting things in the wrong organized place. I had an assistant who was great she knew what I was going through so she helped me remember where things I needed. The beginning of the Third year she was no longer with me and I was starting to forget what I was teaching or how to show examples to the kids because I could not remember. In the middle of a lesson I can’t remember what I was saying. It had got to the point were I would not want my own children in my classroom, that’s when it was time for me to give it up. I am still struggling and pray that there is some way to cure or treat this.
I'm so sorry about the memory loss, it's something each of us deals with. There is a reason it's called "Fibro-Fog." Exercise, walking, yoga, meditation, and good nutrition is the best advice I can give. The worse the stress the worse the memory loss, for me anyway. When the stress is elevated I'm lucky to remember my own name!
It took me about 2 weeks before I remembered that time as a BS adult student at SUNY.[1995]. I could no longer read Shakespeare and I could not wrap my mind around my one philosophy class...I got my lowest grade in that class. My senior year I shared a house with a professor with whom I was doing an independent study and a master student in Psychology. One Saturday, I volunteered to be a test subject for the master's student. We laughed so hard throughout the day because I could not complete the testing. Looking back ...it was the first time I noticed the fibro-fog and lapses in memory. It was just prior to my diagnosis. I was coming back from classes in the dark and crawling up the stairs to my bed on all four limbs....I had always been intelligent with an almost photographic memory.My professors could not help me...they did not understand the difficulty either. I was confused and frustrated....and I have seen no treatment for this serious problem. Hence my degree was impotent....I loved literature and I shared as much knowledge as I could to my students...before I went on disability. And it is a part of my daily life now. I know how severe my fibro is using the comprehension / attention "scale".This is SERIOUS AND DEVASTATING....I have lost my identity...now I am just 64 and trying to the best I can. I have shelves of books I can't read...
Absolutely. It is so scary to go from being an intelligent human being to someone who can't form complete sentences, let alone following through on a thought or serious discussion. Then, realizing you are losing the very essence of who you are...It just seems like too much. I wish there was a fix for us all, but I think all we can do is share our stories: http://dancingintherain-always.blogspot.com/2014/03/my-journey-into...
Although this blog post isn't entirely about mental strain, I do talk about my experience a little bit down at the bottom. Maybe that or another of my posts will help you feel supported.