I've had an extremely stressful week. Therefore I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I have to downplay it so my Hubby doesn't stop me from helping my daughter with a stressfull family situation that has her in over her head. I feel by giving her the tools to use some tough love with my grandaughter could bring this issue to an end. But my daughter is so fragile and weak she needs some coaching to "Man Up" so her 14 year old doesn't continue down a bad path that is just rearing its ugly head. My daughter has had her stomach and 2/3 of her esophagus removed and just recently has been told she has a bleeding ulcer. The stress will take a huge toll on her if she doesn't crack down and get things under control. Her husband works two jobs due to her disability so he is so seldome home and awake.
My daughter just really needs some guidance and support right now. But the situation is seriously causing us both pain. She is also a severe chronic migraine sufferer. It's certainly not too late for my Grandaughter but she really needs some help right now.
Just venting to those who understand how stress can cause us so much pain. Thanks for just being there.
Just take care of yourself and don't overdo it. Take breaks when you need to. Don't let the situation do you in. It's tough when it's family but you still need to care for your own health too.
For one if this is a teenager hauling the reins in after they are out of control isn't easy. If you have been in the granddaughters life for a long time and neither of her parents mind have her help you and your daughter with things around the house and for gods sake tell her mom to ground her it will be harder on your daughter at first but tough love is just that. I do agree with your husband I think you need to take care of yourself you can only do so much.
Take care wishing you luck and hope i didn't upset you with the teen advice I'm a mom of two teen boys one with extreme behavior issues which we have luckily turned around but oh was it a fight.
So aware of the stress - pain cycle. I have a daughter, that up to 18 months ago was continuously in some legal trouble involving cars, drinking and then punching arresting officers. Not once, nor twice, but 3 times and she never did any jail time. A lot of community service, a lot of anger management classes but no jail time. We never bailed her out, as we are so upside down on our house, but I am a believer in tough love. She will be 23 on the 7th and I pray these 18 months stretch out to 18 years of drama free living. This has been the longest 8 years of my life and fibro and lupus are no respecters of life stresses, in fact, they thrive in these environments.
On June 4th, my 25 year old son-in-law had open heart surgery and my daughter is due any day now with their 3rd baby. Because of the recession, they moved in with us ( my husband and me) and we have a 3 year old grand daughter and an almost 2 year old grand daughter. So, for my son in law's 8 day hospital stay, I was the care giver of my precious grand daughters. That was a job and it required that all else be on hold. Needless to say, I had a severe relapse and lost my insurance, to boot! But that is a different post.
My son in law is doing well, a month post-op, but it all kicks in again in a few days as my daughter is due any day now.
Really, the only thing that has sustained me is my faith in my Savior.... Jesus Christ! And the prayers from all our church family.
I feel your pain, both emotional and physical. May I please suggest Counseling for your grand daughter? There may even be some programs available to help with cost, and some ministers may be available at no cost. I am no Doctor, but she could be reacting to her own stress of having an unwell Mom and busy Dad.
I hope that things can turn around for all of you, illness is so very tough on everyone.
Surely stress just escalates pain, but I understand your 'being there for them' it is part of being a parent and grandparent, you have to do all you can.
Hi, I'm new to the site but just wanted to tell you I totally understand. I have just had our car die and was told it would cost more than the worth of the car to fix. we were 4 hours from home when it happened. The stress this week has really taken a toll. I'm not used to it anymore and I can really feel the difference in my body. I have an adult daughter and try to hide how bad I am for her sake but it's hard. knowing what you must do to keep you well balanced with what is best as a mother is one of the hardest things I think.
I totally understand what you are going through at present; the stress and pain consequences. It's difficult to say no to family or accept being too ill to help, because of the guilty feelings sometimes and thinking that you can take on more responsibilities, and stress... I think we all go through this on a regular basis, so you're not so alone. However, you should listen to your hubby a little as sometimes our partners see what we're going through, and what we put ourselves through, better than we do sometimes. It may be good to speak calmly to your grand daughter and reinforce to her the facts about her mothers illness and how much the stress affects her too. She is still human and hopefully she will understand that her mum loves her and wants the best for her, but she needs to help her too. If there is still serious problems with communication etc it would be important to seek therapy in a controlled environment. Good luck with the situation and I hope it can be resolved as soon as possible.
Follow Up - I went to my Daughters one evening and gave her a Boot Camp on tough love for the GD. I instructed her using the GD as the "Perp" as to how to handle the situations. I made my GD write a list of situations and consequences that would occur. When done she stabbed it with a pencil and tore it up...Sooo I made her write it three more times. One to stay posted on her door. The two of them stayed the night with us and we had more constructive talks.
The next day another outburst prompted Mom and Dad to physically drag her in to a counselor that she had only seen once before. The couselor was super soft on her. The following day Mom and I took GD to a Psychytrist for a Med Evaluation. Now here is what none of you will expect to hear. GD is the worlds Quietest Kid. She has Selective Mutism which is an anxiety disorder that doesn't allow the child to speak in her case to hardly anyone but Mom and Dad. She can spend a whole weekend with us having a great time but may only speak enough words to take up 6o seconds. Because of this most people, her entire life have considered her fragile and treated her as such.
As she approaches high school in the fall I think her anxiety of having to face so many strangers has her experiencing these pressure cooker moments. I also think though she has spent her entire life as a shrinking violet she is trying to climb out but in flexing her authority on the world she is just exploding. She does truely need something for her anxiety levels. She is soooo reluctant to take any drugs since she has witnessed how prescription drug side effects have been so hard on her Mom. I hope not only with the Meds but also with the counseling she will better be equipped to stop hiding behind the silence. She is very smart and sweet 98% of the time. Such outburts are not common with selective mutism. Although it is often accompanied by other anxiety disorders.
If you know of a child that may have Selective Mutism, Please give some guidance to the parent and refer them to the internet to learn. I am actually the Step Mom and have raised my daughter. Her Birth Mother who lives out of state has constantly placed guilt in my Daughters mind about ever putting our GD on any meds and that anything ever needed to be done about the silence that trapped my GD. I'm so glad she is finally getting help.
To make a long story longer and my girls stress greater, a previous neighbor that is 20 years old tried to break into their house the night the girls stayed with us. He was trying to get to my Daughters drugs (She has many health issues). He left many threatening messages on her phone demanding she open up and damaged her door frame. She watched this kid grow up and now he's threatening her. I'm walking her through the process of a protective order.