I'm sure we all have at least one friend or family member who refuses to recognize the diagnosis of fibromyalgia. My son, who is 23, is convinced that if I tried harder to exercise, and use my mind to overcome the feelings of pain, "Like navy seals do", I could have a happy normal life.
I do have a happy life. I haven't been able to work this past year because of a combination of medical and mental health issues. But having him tell me I'm not trying hard enough, is depressing. I don't even want to talk to him anymore. I don't even tell him about how i'm feeling.
If I say I feel fine, he asks when I'm going back to work. If I say anything else, he tells me what to do to make myself better. He is forever asking if my doctors really know what they are doing. How do I deal with this kid?
My son is the same way to an extent. He is convinced my rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia would be “cured” by just changing my diet. He is a seminary student and someone he goes to school has told him they are “cured” thru prayer and diet. I’m not knocking prayer or diet changes but if that was how it worked that would be the prescription every doctor would write. I told my son this weekend I won’t discuss my illness if he didn’t and we can just coexist without talking about. Its funny because he has seen me on my very worst days when I could barely get out of bed before I started any medication and he can see the change since then but suddenly its all because I need to eat different. Its frustrating. I’m sorry you are going thru it too.
I am sorry your son feels this way. Maybe you could take him to your appointment with you or to a counselor. Tell him you are following your doctors orders. It is sad but if you are happy and have a happy life do not let this stress you. I hope you 2 can come to terms with this.
Even though my son is older, he has been deluged by my various medical conditions. They began when he was 13, and he is now 30. I can honestly say that even older sons get scared. The thought of Mom not having a happy normal life is frightening to them, even though they would never admit it.
If it helps, I drop little things in conversations to educate and reassure him. For example, I might say fibromyalgia has no cure, but it will dog me for the rest of my life. The good news is that I plan to be around for a long time!
Finding ways for them to help also helps them. They want to slay the dragon and rescue Mom. My son is living at home & going back to college full time. If I need to move something heavy, he loves to help. If I am too fibro-tired to run an errand, he loves doing it for me. This has helped him move forward from scared little boy in a man's clothes to a real man who helps his mother.
When I was first diagnosed I gave all my family members a copy of a leaflet outlining what fibro is and how it affects us, It helped me inform them as when you try to explain it there just seems so many symptoms to describe.
It helped them understand the pain etc and the hidden symptoms which we have.
I said to them I may look well, with hair and make-up done etc but by reading the info they realised just how I was really feeling.
They still don't truly understand, how could they, they don't have fibro, but I think it makes them aware of how I can feel at times.
I'm sorry that you have to have unsupportive people in your family. I do too. Most of my family do not understand either. Anytime I do talk about how I'm feeling or a bad day, I get a funny look like...Here we go again, she never feels well! i just stop talking but it is so depressing when your own family doesn't get it and you can't share. I guess we just need to get that they won't get it. I hardly like to even talk anymore. I would just rather keep to myself. Why don't people understand that if it was that easy to fix us, we would do it...diet, exercise, etc. It is just not that easy at all.
I think it's easier to not share with them, but to share on here with people who understand. I have only been on here a week but just reading that other people feel the same way I do, is so comforting! It makes me feel less crazy. So just share with us, or let him read some of our posts and see that you aren't the only one dealing with this horrible condition!
It's such a shame that you have to go through this. I'm not sure if I have any answers, whether this will ever 'sink in' for your son, though I surely hope it can in the very near future. I know it hurts you deeply to think back to all you have done for your child, only to be judged unfairly. We all have someone who 'doesn't get it, so sorry it has to be your child.
I hope that some of the good advice you have been given will allow you to get through to him. Perhaps your Doctor could shine some light on this, they surely have some wisdom to share.