Hi Rose, good to see you reaching out again, and welcome back! (From someone newer, so it feels a bit strange ‘welcoming’ you…)
Wow - compared to the attitude that comes across in your profile it sounds like you’ve reached an end point, challenging your previous paths, calling for change…
For support it’s good for you to know you’re not alone when you’re here, all of us have been in the situation that our body puts our activities and many of us that it puts our work into question.
I was working 30-60h/w, average 48h, struggled more and more with movement, activities, stiffness, Ache, fatigue, then crashed. I’ve had a lot of local pains all my life, am used to it, but I can’t move any more. After 10 months working on it myself (meds & docs no help) I started work rehab, had to stop at 30% and get quite a bit of it adapted so it was OK, then the jabs triggered MCAS on top of the fibro and I’m now pretty much housebound, managing about 10h/w via mails & phone, still doing hours a day of research and treatments, but also “radically accepting” and learning to live and love a new slow self-caring life, allowing me to also care for others.
For advice feel free to take up any of my ideas…
You’ve focused on depression and pain as symptoms, work as trigger and pain killers as treatment. Tweaking these or looking at the 100s of alternatives will help. Your profile reveals you describe yourself as workaholic and your previous posts that you applied for disability - so from I bet you just needed to shout out your pain first and are so much more than what you’ve now written.
Maybe questioning back would be too tedious, so I’ll put out some shots in the dark, or mist. Starting with the smallest changes ending with the biggest challenges.
If you haven’t already, you might want to try
- different pain killers,
- moving on from pain killers (which have little evidence to help) to more typical “fibro” meds like duloxetine (‘Cymbalta’) or pregabalin (‘Lyrica’),
- learning pain management techniques,
- (more of) the 20+ kinds of physio to decrease all your local pains - experts or on youtube or both,
- moving on from meds (which have little evidence to help) to supplements (also, but might harm less),
- relaxation techniques, therapy, mindfulness etc. for depression,
- re-applying for disability,
- various kinds of counselling (disability, financial, coping, attitude, how to talk with your employer about your needs etc.)
- realizing that you will likely crash big time if you continue this way, and may lose all ability to work.
- challenging why you think you have to work full time, and looking for alternatives,
- asking yourself what made you become workaholic; if life doesn’t have more to offer you than work etc; if you aren’t worth more than your work…
- questioning how come you want to help care for the bodies of every person except one: What has she done to deserve this?
- using CBT and/or ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) for support and getting a new attitude to what your needs are, getting a good work-life-balance, a good balance between others and yourself etc…
Anything helpful there for you?