Hello everyone. Haven't posted in a while but I'm fed up and at the end of my rope (again) with this illness. Anyhoo, I have absolutely NO sex drive anymore. I mean none. Zero. Nada. I don't even have sexy thoughts anymore. My husband and I used to have a good sex life and now it's maybe once a month if even that. I feel so bad for him because he has a very healthy sex drive and I know he must be super frustrated. He understands to a certain extent because he has chronic pain from a broken neck from a car accident years ago. (Actually he's on disability) However, my pain has increased tremendously as well as the exhaustion. I don't sleep well at night and generally wake up a couple of times with my heart racing - anxiety. I work full-time and it takes all my energy just to get through the week. Honestly, I don't know how much longer I'll be able to work like this (which also increases my anxiety about the possibility of not being able to work). Oh I'm 47 by the way. I just don't know what to do. Have any of you women gone through this? I would appreciate any input. I hope I don't sound like I'm just a whiner. Just wanted to throw this out there.....
I am sorry to hear you are feeling like this, just wanted to let you know you are not alone, and weigh in with some thoughts. How many times have you been at the end of your tether.... me too. Then we do manage to carry on, we are strong, and we have too. I don't say this flippantly, it is extremely hard. You are obviously doing an incredible job, still working full-time for starters. As for your relations with hubby, have you actually asked him if he is super frustrated? He sounds as if he is quite understanding and may not be as concerned as you think. Just a thought. Sadly I am divorced so don't have that problem. Just another thought, considering your age, could you be starting the menopause? A trip to your Doc might be in order, also to see if you can get help with your sleep and anxiety. Wish you well, and let us know how you get on.
Thank you Anne. My husband is very understanding but I know he's frustrated because we have talked about it. Believe it or not he can tell me the date of the last time we had sex. He's never ugly about it though. With regards to being pre-menopausal, that could be part of the issue as well. I do get hot flashes recently so hormones definitely could be fluctuating. Getting older stinks! Anyway I was just throwing it out there to see if anyone else was having these issues. Thank you so much for your reply!
You are welcome. I am glad to hear you have talked about it with hubby. Sounds like you have a great relationship. I know loss of libido can be attributed to menopause, plus of course, when we are exhausted, in pain, it is no wonder this is not top of our agenda! Anyway, hope someone else maybe make a comment on this.
I’m hoping that this isn’t too late for a comment. I’m new here and this is my first comment.
I am younger than you, not even 40 yet. I was just diagnosed last month. I’m having simular issues. I’ve was having them before I was diagnosed but a Pain Clinic has been treating me for another issue, not fybromyalga. I asked both my PCP and pain specialist but for women there’s no magic pill for us and both feel that it’s the combination of medications I’m on. However, just like my pain it comes and goes. The less painful lengths of time I get some of my sex drive back. I don’t know if it’s connected or what but my husband and I take full advantage of those times.
For me, the more pain I’m in the worse my anxiety and depression gets. I don’t always notice that I go down these roads but somehow my husband does. Unfortunately I’m in deep by the time he has gotten me to think its my idea and I go to my doctor’s. A year ago I was able to just use the mood adjusters for short periods of time but now I’m on them daily and even with a doubling of my dosage last month; I’m still having problems with it. Sorry but I don’t think I’m much help here. Just for me it’s nice knowing that others are going through similar things as I am.
My husband and I just got married in August and I’m turning 30 on Wednesday so this dx and my lack of sex drive is concerning for me. My hubby understands and is very busy since taking in a second job to support us since I can no longer work and often times he is exhausted from the day. I worry that this will become our “norm” and we haven’t been married a year but I’m praying that I can get SSI and once we move closer to fam, he can find one job but then I am scared that I won’t ever get my sex drive back. We want to have kids and plenty of them, but we never factored Fibro into the plans so we will see what happens. My anxiety has def been heightened since this dx bc of everything that I felt I wouldn’t be able to do/achieve, and then that can bring on the depression but I try to use this site and my support systems to at least get it out (bc I’m super good at masking and silencing suffering). Thank you for sharing and showing me to have more courage! Wishing you well! Hope this helps some. I know it’s late, but I’m new so I just want to try to do as much as I can to offer the type of support and encouragement that I desire and have been met with thus far from this site.
Hi Michelle,
I truly understand where you are coming from. I’m 49 and have had loss of libido for 7 years. My husband and I have changed our approach to the whole subject. We bought a book on massage for couples. Candle light, no pressure to go one way or another. But we are still connecting through touch and closeness. Added bonus is the warm massage oils feel great.
You don’t have to be an expert, but the book showed us how to massage without causing pain or over working either of us. This isn’t massage therapy, but not sexual either. It’s more sensual massage.
Hope things get better for you. Good luck!