I have a long term boyfriend and 2 kids. My boyfriend says he is tired of hearing about the pain when the pain is really bad. When I am in pain it is hard to think about other things. I have been out of bed, taking care of the kids, involved in family fun projects, etc.. I understand that it is difficult in his shoes also. He wants me to think more positively that my meds will work better 2morrow but my neurologist will be out of town until next week so I will be on the same dose until then. That may be confusing, I just started Lyrica and am on 150mg twice daily. I have been in severe pain since I tapered off of Gabapentin and started on Lyrica. My Neurologist has raised the dose but it is not working. I am not trying to b negative but if the meds are not working then they are not working! So I know that I probably will not feel better until next week. He is really stressed but I don't know what 2 do. I am not going to lie to him or stop communication even though he told me 2 to reduce his stress level. he wants me to stop talking about the pain so much and to tell him that it will get better tomorrow when I don't believe it myself. What should I do?
He really does have to work on being more supportive. I usually don't talk about my pain to others, because they seem to have gotten sick of hearing about it. Communication is important, but it has to be hard on your boyfriend knowing that you're in pain and there is nothing he can do about it. My husband struggles with that. He wants me well, but on my bad days he always lends an ear. Your boyfriend needs to realize that this is life long. You can't just wish it away.
So sorry you are in this situation, Michelle. Have you considered talking to a counselor, it may be a good idea to have a professional to 'vent to', and may alleviate some of the pressure he is feeling.
Is there a PCP you can turn to in the meantime? I have a Rheum and an Internist to go to, and they work well together.
Not sure why the Doc took you off a med that seemed to be working, hopefully he can change you back, or maybe your General Practitioner can.
Wishing you well,
SK
It is not only really important to sometimes give loved ones a break from hearing about our pain, but for us to get a break from talking or thinking about it. A lot of pain is the emotional suffering of pain, and it is the one of the few aspects of chronic pain that we get some control over. While it is important to vent with my boyfriend I give myself a time limit and then we do something else and instead of using him as a sounding board through quality time I can get an actual break from the pain. Watching a movie together, playing a game, making a meal together, whatever it may be is likely at times to do far more than just talking about it. I second SK's recommendation of counseling it is so important for us to have outlets outside of family to be able to vent and learn to cope.
Also, sometimes my boyfriend needs a break from hearing about my pain altogether. The past 4 days he was dealing with a Crohn's flare. I was his nurse and it was not time or place for me to talk about my stuff, his was more important. He knew the highlights but for his own stress and for my own caring for him I kept pretty quiet. Today he's feeling better and I joked about some of the incredible highlights of my pain extravaganza. That's another great way to cope is with humor.
Do you mind my asking why your doctor took you off the Gabapentin, especially as it was helping you? I know that Gabapentin and Lyrica are related drugs but obviously one isn't having the desired effect while the other one was. So why remove the Gabapentin from your meds?
You've received a lot of good advice from others on here so I won't repeat it.
Does your neurologist have another doctor who takes his calls while he's away? If so, you could try asking that person what to do.
If your boyfriend cannot hear about your pain currently then I'd let him handle the kids while you go into the bedroom or another private room where you can feel your pain without worry of having to lie to him. You can also log on here and scream and yell all you want. We know you hurt!!! What a shame that your meds were changed! And I do find that reading stuff on the internet helps me to keep my own thoughts off of the pain, when the pain isn't too great. I do it all of the time, as I feel less pain when my mind is stuffed full of articles I'm reading. Like I said, it helps if the pain isn't too great.
If the pain's too great to redirect with other activities, then maybe lying in bed with a nice heating pad would help some. Or a nice hot bath with Epsom salts. Some people with fibro swear by the stuff.
My best to you. It would be best if your boyfriend could be supportive while you suffer but if he can't, then please try to get somewhere quiet where you can feel your feelings freely.
Hugs,
Petunia
Hi Michelle, This is a tough one, but you have some great suggestions, I would add that you let him know you are really trying hard right now and this transition of meds is not easy ! Remind him that it will get better, but right now, until your meds are worked out its hard, the pain dictates fear of the next day !!
Maybe just let him know that you will do your best to take each day with hope that it will be better, even if you know this week will be extremely hard, it may help him to know you will try your best to be positive, but that’s a hard task with little pain control… Let him know that with his understanding you will get through it , with out it … Well you feel like your on your own.
Lyrica does have to be started slow…and if it helps, that’s an awesome thing !!
Hugs & blessings
dee