Evey since my mother move to MI. In four she has cause some much confusing in my house amd my family.I hurt so bad i can't even move out my bed.
Dear Glenedia,
So sorry to hear this. I am fortunate to have such a wonderful, supportive Mother.
Is it possible to have a heart to heart with her, or perhaps take her along to a Dr appointment so that he can help her to understand how ill you are, and how stress and heartache only make us so much worse? Perhaps even your Pastor could help you with this, since he seems to be a great supporter of yours. Cherish all who do understand and help, I am sure that you already know this and do this.
I hope that you can find a way to straighten this out for you. It will help to make you well if this family uproar can be resolved!
Big hugs to you and yours,
SK
Hope today has been a better one, and that tomorrow will be better yet!
Was it her intention to move to help you? Is she living with you& your family? If she came to help you, at least her intentions are good and obviously she cares about you. If this is your house she should play by your rules. Don’t be afraid of telling her what you need from her & what you don’t need. Have a good old mother & daughter talk.
Sorry you feel so awful Glenedia! I lived with my father-in-law for about 2 years...I can only imagine the pressure cooker you are in. Luckily, he got into a great Senior Housing environment that he is very happy to be in...in fact he LOVES it! Have you though of looking into something like that, not a nursing home but maybe an assisted living environment or an adult living community?
Stress is horrible for fibromyalgia. My doctor gave me .5 mg of lorazapam to take when my stress creates too much pain. I am very careful with it as with all my medications as I don't want to become dependent on them.
I'm beginning to think that close family members don't want to know about our pain. As a mother, I am very empathetic to my kids (grown) pains. My daughter has Crohn's Disease and one son has ulcerative colitis. My kids don't want to know about my pain. I was living with my daughter and her husband TOLD ME TO GET OUT! I did and I am much happier.
Sorry about all this. Your mom needs to know she is a guest in your home. You don’t need to be confined in your own home. Good luck. Gentle hugs.
Oh, the wonderful 'I'M ONLY AM TRYING TO HELP' when the best thing they could with the way they are 'helping' is to GO AWAY! As much as we may love family there are times when they hurt more than anything by causing our blood pressure to go up, neck muscles to stiffen and stomachs to pump stress acids by the qts. and that is just saying good morning to us in that certian tone .....
My sons & thier wifes can't accept that something is wrong with me. They all 'know' about fibro (right)! Our friend so & so has that and she is still working and having a 'real' life, you have just (this part REALLY kills me) choosen to avoid us or IF (huh?) you really wanted to be around us you would find a way to do so, your friends come over so much that you have no time for your grandchildren! Your friends are more important to be with than your family .....BLAH, BLAH, BLAH... OH! Thank God for giving me such a wonderful bunch of friends! They take the trash to the dumpster for me at least once a week, they help me keep my house clean, I also have COPD, asthma and osteoarth. If it wasn't for them I would be up to my neck stressing over all the things I need to do but can't because I can't breath or I over did it the day before trying to do a bunch of things knowing the next day or 2 I may not be able to get out of bed at all. The boys qare so accostomed to supermom working 2 jobs, keeping my 28 or 30 rose bushes in constant bloom, tending all of my other plants, never a spot of anything yucky in my frig, floors you can eat off of, taking all of the grandkids to the SD Zoo all day or the Wild Animal Park, Sea World ..... all of which I had purchased year passes for ALL of us. Always being there for them to drop the kids off while they had some together time without the kids. I have been there for each and every one of my grandchildrens births - including cutting the cord with 2 of them. One of thjose 'A' types that fibro hits like a safe dropped on the road runners head. I fought fibro for 4yrs. never letting it keep me down ,,,,,,, And then ..... MENTALPAUSE ! (no, I meant to spell it that way!). It knocked me on my .. well ,you understand. FibroFog at times so bad that I was coming home from the store, on the street I live on, with my 10mo. old grandson and my 3yr. old grandaughter in the back seat when I had to pull over. I suddenly did not know where I was! I was less than a mile from my house, on the street I live on in the area I grew up in..... And I was lost! I knew I knew where I was. But I didn't know how to get home! If I had been by myself it wouldn't have been so bad. But I had my BABIES with me!! It only lasted for maybe 5 or 10min.but from then on I was scared to take them with me alone. It started to get so that working only 3 days a week (but it was 30 to 34hrs,) was taking a big toll on me. Bartending was the greatest job for me! I loved where I worked and I have been a night person my whole life. I read the things about how to keep working by making small adjustments at work LOL like a quiet place to lay down when you need a break, or have coworkers help with some of the smaller tasks! HAH! When you work in a small neighborhood place you don't get a break, you eat lunch or dinner on the run and if you go to the restroom be quick 'cause somebody is going to start asking where the hell the bartender has gone for so long and you've been gone for maybe 3min. LOL Sure I'll just say 'excuse me I have to go lay down for a half hr.and rest... LOL They'd mob ya!! even tho they love you and you love them ( My bar kids all called me Mom or Mama, brought me all thier problems cause of course thier parents didn't understand. Some of my 'Bar Kids' still come over and help with heavy yard work like replacing all of the gravel in the yard(moble home yard) and redoing my sprokler system so all I had to do was use a metal rod to turn on the water to the roses & lemon trees. I asked the boys if they could come over and help with stuff, yeah, right, never in the almost 11yrs. I 've lived here have they helped me with a thing. For years I asked them to come over and hang my Christmas lights ( they are all over 6'3") for me since I am afraid of heights and would have to go up an 8' ladder to hang some of the strands. Not once did any of them come help. My youngest came over one time and took the ones my brave girlfriend had put up with me, down ..... finally in late Feb.!
The gist of this is, if she came to really help thank her then have that mother daughter chit chat and lovingly tell her what you REALLY need for her to do that would really help you the most. At least she is there and accepts that there is a real problem with your health. let her read some of the discussions that go on in these groups. My kids have emailed me back when I've sent them some of the real good articles on what fibro is and that it is different with all of us, etc. and asked why I had sent them all that (no joke here!) CRAP! THEY DID NOT WANT TO READ IT, why was I asking them to waste thier time? Let go and let someone help you even if they do it different then you would, at least a family member(YOUR MOM) cares. I'm told ' At least you don't have cancer like Uncle Bob! Now he has a reason to complain.'
Luv, Best Wishes for you, Soft Hugs! There's almost always a few of us here to talk to when ya want to tell someone what is going on in your world. Vent your frustrations to us, and we get to do likewise! The added bonus is lots of times there is someone with exciting new info for us to check out. Maybe it will be just the thing you need to feel better.
Ta, Ta For Now Smile, I tell myself this is just something to make life more (UH) interesting!!!!
:-( That is NOT COOL!!! I find that some of today's kids are quite willing to do things like this. It sadly seems that the more they were given in terms of attention and things, the less responsive they are to others, including family. I saw a lot of this when I worked at nursing homes.
I hope you have a good support system around you, BrendaJune. I hope that eventually your family understands and supports you. But it's hard getting them there.
My mother understands now. She said that why she move back to care for since my fellas doesn't have any help! She said dhe had to get off her chest with the family that was here already. She said she not here to start drama,but to stop before it get to me.
Glenedia,
I think your mother has good intentions toward you. Tell her what you need her to do for you. Be specific. Sometimes parents want to help but they are going about it in the wrong way and need some direction from us. You may have to refresh her memory periodically, though.
Wishing peace for you,
Allergic
My mom and my family finally understand the illness and have been help for! i sat down and chat with them. no just deal with my everyday pain.
Best of luck with family challenges and dynamics. I have had similar issues and can understand what you might be going through. Stay strong and reach out anytime! xx, Sunny
Jenni,
do your kids know you also have COPD etc. etc.? I think you should make them aware that it's not just fibro, but even if it was only fibro, fibro is different in each person.
I'm with ya. My daughter disowned me, She's ashamed of me. That's from her dad who left me and the family due to my lupus and multiple other illnesses and my in-laws who convinced my hubby to leave, and daughter lives across the street from both her Dad and grandparents, so I won't get a break as long as they keep talking trash about me.
Sheila
i had to go to hospital because i was in so much pain they gave me a shot of diltan. something! now my mother and son is very understanding. my mother at the point where as if anyone say anything she cussing them out. because she here and see what i go through. She was crying while i was in so much pain.