Well as I posted before I am better than i have been in 4 years. My mood is really great. My pain is there but it is like a 1 or 2 as long as no one touches me and everyone in my family know that i will hug them but not to hug me back. But I just had a visit from my father. He was almost in tears. My mother has osteoporosis, copd and afib, depression...she is 66 years old. Now before anyone gets the wrong idea. I respect my father and mother. I am very sensitive to other peoples emotions. I have been told more than once to limit my time with my mother. She is a God fearing southern Baptist. She believes in plain speaking to others but doesn't allow anyone to speak unless they are agreeing with her. She has caused me more hurt in my life than i can get into right now and really i have just learned to let it go. She loves me i have no doubt. Ok so here is the question!
I am a RN! She has decided that she wants to go to heaven soon. She has but herself above my father who is a farmer and who is unwell. She has gone to bed or sits on her laptop and left all the work on my dad. They are raising my 2 nephews who are 17 and 14. So my dad cooks, cleans, plows and plants the fields (his farm is very small) he also have live stock and my moms dog to take care of...anyway I feel like I need to go and be a Nurse you know the ones that come in and say we are going for a walk, you will not eat unless you come to the table, your having a bath now....
I dont care to be what nurses refer to as therapeutic and not taking no for an answer. But being around here drains me. She is just so negative and hurtful. I know if i don't go the guilt will kill me but if i do go i am not mentally strong enough at this time that it will not cause my depression and fibromyalgia to act up.
If anyone has ant suggestions please let me know. I dont want her to give up. I still need my mom at 45 years of age but i have to be able to keep improving myself.
Thanks avenk. I just dont know what is best. My daughter will not allow me to sacrifice my health for my moms. I understand that I come first but i think you are right. I can go 2 or 3 days a week and yes get her home health. The real problem is she just has no fight in her at all. If my grandmother my moms mom could see her now there would be a switch involved...lol..my grannys favorite correction tool. Thanks for always being here for me...hugs
I am so sorry for your dilemma. Mine was my grandmother who recently passed. My mother died when I was young and I was her only relative. I did my best for as long as possible but I couldn’t do it anymore and she had to go into a nursing home. She was a very difficult person…very stressful, and having fibro, she physically wore me out with caring for her. I think you need to do what is best for YOU. Mentally and physically. I pushed myself with her when I knew I shouldn’t in fear I would regret it. Now that she is gone, I actually regret not putting myself first. I know she was the cause of many of my flares but I felt so guilty. Just wanted to share my experience with you. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.
Take care,
Melyn
Thanks Melyn. I guess we are darned if we do and darned if we don't. I love my mom but the Lord knows she is difficult. Thanks for sharing. It gives me a lot to think about.
I actually read this and came back to it a couple of times. It is a hard thing when our parents get like this . My mother lives with me and it has made my health alot worst. Avek had a wonderflul suggestion. Mom was severly depressed and we put her on some meds but they have not helped alot. I hope everything works out for you and i will be thinking of you.
Thanks Purplebutterfly. She wont get out of bed today. She told my dad that she was to sick to go have her blood work for her couadin. I am just beside myself. I live at my daughters and she and her husband just go jobs so i help out as best I can. I am going to see her today as a nurse and evaluate her need. My aunt has been givivg her pain meds and i am not happy. My mother was addicted to pain killers 42 years ago..once an addict always an addict!!!!
I love her but i can not get down. I live with my daughter for free. I have no income and am workingon my appeal for social security. I just wish that she would listen to my dad and not get mad when he tells her what is needed. But he doesnt want her mad at him he has to live with her. So super nurse to the rescue...lol.
My Prayers are with you. Lovett is right, you have to think of your heath first. This type of stress can knock down a healthy person. How can you help her or your dad if you get sick. You being an RN it would seem only logical that you would be the one to help her. No… Look to others first. Does she quality for special assistance to hire a nurse? Are there other family members who can take turns visiting and helping her. I can tell you love your mother very much so there is no stopping you if that’s what you want to do. Only go to set things up and then check in by phone or short visits to make sure she’s ok. Senting you hugs. Be well.