Currently I work for a major University doing admissions, scheduling, trouble shooting, supporting students etc. You name it, I probably do it. They provide me with great benefits and have always been understanding of situations that arise. I have mentioned having a chronic condition in passing but never really say much about it. I felt like it was more of a private matter. I have always been considered a top performer and I pride myself on going above and beyond for my students. Recently however, I have been having a rough time keeping up. It has been a rough several months. I feel like the fatigue has gotten extreme and the fog is just simply making me look like an idiot at times. The pain is consistently there and I feel like I have been less patient with my students. I have been taking more sick days to deal with it. I feel out of control with my body. My supervisor has definitely taken notice and has made comments about my declining performance. The comments are definitely stressing me out which only furthers my symptoms. I NEVER want to use Fibro as an excuse but I think it may be time to at least explain it. I want to do well. My body is just kicking my butt. Has anyone had this type of conversation with their boss? Any suggestions?
First off - explaining that you have fibromyalgia and how it affects your work is NOT using it as an excuse. It's a real legit issue that, as your employers, they are legally obliged to accommodate if at all possible. It's not an excuse to say that you have health problems and to talk about how they are affecting you. An excuse would be if you were to lie about the affects it has on you in order to get out of doing things you're perfectly capable of doing, but that's not at all what you're doing here.
I have had to talk to employers in the past about my fibro and why it was causing me to take more sick days or why it was making me more sluggish at work, etc. I've also had the difficult discussions with employers about having to leave a job when it's gotten to be too much (which is not what you're doing here but just to add to my experience with these kinds of talks).
Anyway, if you have a performance review or staff meeting or something coming up, you could kinda save this up as an agenda item, but if not I'd go ahead and ask your supervisor for a private meeting to discuss it with her. You might wanna start out with acknowledging that your performance has been slipping a little and then go into explaining why that is. Be as general or specific as you want - I believe that legally they can't force you to disclose stuff about your health that you're not comfortable with - but in my experience being direct about what symptoms I'm experiencing and how often they tend to flare up and how that affects specific tasks can be helpful.
Tell your supervisor if there is anything they can do to accommodate you and make it easier for you to get your job done. There may not be, but if there is - they should provide it. Stuff like ergonomic keyboards, a quieter office space, allowing for more breaks if you make up the time later, doing some work from home on bad days, etc.
Emphasize that you WANT to keep doing a good job - I can tell from your post that you really like the work and desire to do well. So let her know that you're doing everything you can on your part to keep up and that this isn't you sloughing off because you don't care anymore.
You might want to talk about the up and down nature of fibro so that she knows this is probably just a flare up and with a little extra rest you're likely to be back in top form soon.
If things are going well and she seems understanding, you might want to mention that the stress of not doing as well can make your symptoms worse and to ask her to talk to you in private and in more encouraging tones when she wants you to do something better/differently? I imagine a passing comment while you're in the middle of working feels very different from a more private check-in to see how you're doing, you know?
One of the jobs that I've had to have these kinds of talks with was actually at a University in the Res Life department, and they were very understanding, so I hope the same goes for you now. Good luck!! And remember - this isn't your fault and you are entitled to good working conditions.
You may want to have a discussion with the University's Human Resources person, who could help you with discussing (or not) w/ your supervisor. There are laws that protect specific conditions/disabilities and require reasonable accommodations. You also may not have to disclose to your supervisor that you have FM. That is if you don't feel your can discuss with your supervisor or feel you need more information. Think of it this way: if you had a visible disability, how would the University treat you?
We all have good and bad days (months). FM is not an excuse. Its a legitimate debilitating condition. Don't sell yourself short. Good luck and YOU take care of YOU.
You can file for intermittent FMLA. This allows you to take time off when needed without being penalized. You can also request accommodations such as an ergonomic workstation, frequent breaks and many other things. Do you have a good doctor? You will need one to fill out the paperwork and help you with the request by listing your limitations. You do this through your human resources department and don’t even need to tell your boss you have a disability. When I went this route my employer suddenly was very accommodating after treating me like crap for calling off and having bad days at work. Hope this helps and good luck to you
All great advise. Unfortunately I worked as a nanny when I had this conversation years ago. First she laughed informing me that Fibro wasn't a real disease. Then she told me if I couldn't do my job she could find someone else. Shortly after that I found the best job of my twenty three year career staying with them for six years. They not only understood my needs , but helped me work with them. The father even suggested I use the guest bed when the children napped daily to lay down. If I had a day in which my work outside of the actual childcare didn't get done they were understanding. When I had to give up childcare all together they not only supported the decision but helped me grieve the loss. What I am saying is there are people out there that will rise to the occasion given the chance. Don't automatically assume they will treat you in the negative. I hope you can work it out, I pray for you that you can continue on the path you want for as long as you choose to. Be blessed.
Fibro is a tough disease to manage. Other people fill in the blanks with their own opinion when we don't provide the information for them. I would let them know so you can take family leave if needed without losing your job. Remember that sometimes Fibro is an excuse but it doesn't make you a weak or lazy person! Sounds like you are doing all you can do and then some. Also it is my belief when we are experiencing more pain and fatigue, that the brain is very busy processing all of that information and it can make us feel we are in a fog when we can't remember simple things. Its amazing that you are able to work with this disease! Hang in there.
I don’t have any suggestions for you but I can tell you you’re not alone in your struggle. The fog has gotten worse for me as well especially with remembering words. The conversation had depends on the line of work you are in and the personality of your supervisor. Make sure you know your rights in terms of reasonable accommodations available to you. For me it is taking breaks. If I can lay down during the day for about 30 minutes it helps me rejuvenate. Also know when to stop and rest in general. It’s frustrating but will do you good in the long run. I am also blessed to be able to work from home now and then. In the commuter age we are in, most desk and office work can be done anywhere.
Hello. Not long diagnosed with Fibro, I understand where you are coming from. I am presently unemployed and intend to stay that way. I am also an above achiever and took pride in my performance in my employment. However, workplace bullying, intimidation and being treated less than my qualifications and experience put me now in the situation I am in. Workplace is worse than school yard bullying, although I am now on the band wagon to change the workplace crap that other staff members dish out. All you can do is talk to your boss and if all goes bad for you, sue the crape out of them because under disability and laws this is discrimination. Good luck.
I have been reading most replies to a lot of the members and I find that most of you are still experiencing the 'fog' . I was diagnosed July of this year and I started on Lyrica. I slept for 2 weeks and felt like I was on an illegal drug. After this 2 weeks it took another 2 weeks before I started to function and feel great as far as the ' fog' is concerned.
Fibro is NOT an excuse, do not be ashamed of having it! My daughter has several life changing long tem illnesses and does 't make a fuss, takes annual leave for her many hospital and medical appointments etc. but although her employer and staff know of her illnesses because she doesn't MAKE A FUSS they make no concessions and expect her to carry on regardless. My not using illness as an excuse devalues you and your condition and does nothing to help other members of staff how are in a similar position. All stick together, be proud that you are able to work when you are well enough but insist that GENUINE illness is recognized by all and be proud that you can raise awareness in your own unigue way!
I too have Fibro and until November, when I step down, I have run a support group for several years!!
Jean
Hello, What you are experiencing I can identify with, however, I would like to add, if you decide to confide in your HR/ employer will be your decision. I hope you have empathic people@ your place of work, unfortunately, I was not so fortunate.
Be true to yourself. Take Care!
I had my Doctor fill out paperwork for FMLA for my fibro. I go to my Doctor each month, and that alone adds up to a lot of time by the standards where I work. You can protect yourself by doing this, and your employer can not fire because of your fibro. It is very hard at times with pain alone, then when you ad in the fog, it makes it even harder. I don't know at what point you reach where you just can't work anymore. Some days you think you have reached that point - but know you have to keep working. My Doctor told me to keep on working as long as I can physically do it. Going to work gets you up each day and just getting there and doing what ever you job is for as long as you can, is better than sitting home, where you are not as mobile. In his words, you don't use it you loose it. I try to keep trying to remember that with the struggle of even getting out of bed sometimes. I know the day is not too far away when I won't be able to work any longer. But as long as I do, I am comforted knowing I am protected by filling out the FMLA paperwork.
Hi Debbie and to all those still struggling through employment. Leaving your work is not the end of the world. The longer you struggle in your employment the worse you will become. I left my employment and this is the best and most happiest I have ever been in my life. I now see life as life and the world is now my oyster. I can do what I like, go where I have never been before and depression is no longer a battle for me. There is always something to do in life and it really boils down to goal setting. The couch is not an option for me and although I struggle some days, I just call this, my time and meditate. As you become older it is the heart you need to take more care of. Staying at work would have ended in me having a heart attack from the stress. Think positive and realize work is not the only thing in life. Life is too short.
Darcy said:
You can file for intermittent FMLA. This allows you to take time off when needed without being penalized. You can also request accommodations such as an ergonomic workstation, frequent breaks and many other things. Do you have a good doctor? You will need one to fill out the paperwork and help you with the request by listing your limitations. You do this through your human resources department and don't even need to tell your boss you have a disability. When I went this route my employer suddenly was very accommodating after treating me like crap for calling off and having bad days at work. Hope this helps and good luck to you
Hi all, what is FMLA, please, as not familiar with this? Are you UK or another country? If UK I run a support group (or do til Nov 5th when I stand down) and would like to let the members know of this at my last meeting. however I rather doubt that it is available in the UK but here's hoping!
Jean
Hi, hope you are having a good day today. I completely understand how you feel. I am a RN at a small community hospital. I am required to push myself to the limit physically, mentally and emotionally for 13 hours 3 days a week. I have been a nurse for 20 years and know how a lot of medical professionals veiw the diagnosis of fibromyalgia. When I was given a verbal warning for my attendance by my nurse manager I had to open up to her and tell her what was wrong. I was pleasantly surprised that she understood. She went on to tell me that she has a friend with fibromyalgia and then says " he is disabled now. He has trouble walking for to long and sometimes cant get out if bed". Then me tears started. That is my biggest fear. I did have to apply for intermittent family leave act
(FMLA). This allows me to call out on days that I am in too much pain or hadn’t slept the night before. This protects me from disciplinary action if I call out too frequently. I have used it 4 days since started in June. It is a safety net. Hospitals are notorious for staff gossiping about other staff, so everyone knows. Well, the nurses I work with could tell anyway that something was wrong. I love being a nurse but I am at a time where I have to consider a change in path. Being a good nurse had depleted me of all my energy and stress comes with the job. 7 sometimes 8 very sick patients, code blue from time to time and all the other demands is making my fibro worse. I keep wishing for a different diagnosis. One that can be fixed without so many life changes. I guess my advise is you have a medical condition and there are laws that can protect your job within reason. Good luck. Thanks for letting me vent too.
Hi, hope you are having a good day today. I completely understand how you feel. I am a RN at a small community hospital. I am required to push myself to the limit physically, mentally and emotionally for 13 hours 3 days a week. I have been a nurse for 20 years and know how a lot of medical professionals veiw the diagnosis of fibromyalgia. When I was given a verbal warning for my attendance by my nurse manager I had to open up to her and tell her what was wrong. I was pleasantly surprised that she understood. She went on to tell me that she has a friend with fibromyalgia and then says " he is disabled now. He has trouble walking for to long and sometimes cant get out if bed". Then me tears started. That is my biggest fear. I did have to apply for intermittent family leave act
(FMLA). This allows me to call out on days that I am in too much pain or hadn’t slept the night before. This protects me from disciplinary action if I call out too frequently. I have used it 4 days since started in June. It is a safety net. Hospitals are notorious for staff gossiping about other staff, so everyone knows. Well, the nurses I work with could tell anyway that something was wrong. I love being a nurse but I am at a time where I have to consider a change in path. Being a good nurse had depleted me of all my energy and stress comes with the job. 7 sometimes 8 very sick patients, code blue from time to time and all the other demands is making my fibro worse. I keep wishing for a different diagnosis. One that can be fixed without so many life changes. I guess my advise is you have a medical condition and there are laws that can protect your job within reason. Good luck. Thanks for letting me vent too.
You’ve gotten a lot of great replies already. I would just add that in my experience telling someone you have a chronic condition like tends to reveal their true character. I love what I do, but unfortunately I work with a few political people. I have chosen to tell only a handful trusted, need to know people. My employer has a strict policy against discussing other people’s medical details without express permission. It doesn’t stop it from happening but it does keep it on the down low. It is also a really good idea to protect yourself by using FMLA to cover your abscences.
Your comment about never using fibromyalgia as an excuse made me stop and think for a bit. I’m not sure what I understand what you are getting at. Fibromyalgia is what it is. Excuses are fabrications people tell themselves to obscure a truth that is emotionally uncomfortable. Seeing the connection between fibromyalgia symptoms and decreased job performance is not obscuring the truth, it is facing a very difficult situation head on.
Hi DKeng, sorry excuse is not my word as I was responding to the top email about" not wanting to use Fibro as an excuse" It is not a word I would use but can see why it was in this context. I quite agree about facing difficult situations head on and try to do so myself. I have had Fibro for 15 years, care for a disabled husband and can empathise with those who have difficulty with coping with the condition whi h is made worse when dealing with an unsympathetic employer. We have had quite a few member who have been dismissed form their jobs due to the fact that there are no concessions from their employer and are not able to give their all to their job. Discrimination is rife although it is not supposed to be with the DDA act!
Please would someone tell me more about FMLA as I have never heard of it, is it a DWP condition or what? I would dearly love to spread the word amongst out 150+ members as I am sure it might help some of them IF it is available in the UK.
Thanks and sorry if I offended anyone in quoting another Fibro!
Jean
Hi Jean
FMLA is family medical leave act in the us. You can take up to 12 weeks leave either all at once or broken into segements in a 12 month period. It can be taken for yourself or to care for a family member. Their are some other things that go with it. you can type it into google and get the whole explanation I can not remember all that goes with it.