Thank you for posting this, I shared it on my facebook. I dread this question, and I'm asked it almost everyday, by loved ones. acquaintances, and strangers. For years I've wondered how to answer, and I still struggle with it today. Even with those I feel I can be honest with and trust I have a hard time answering this "simple" 4 word question.
I hate being asked this question... And I hate that its so common
one thing i say very often is, "I could be better".... sometimes people leave it at that which i am grateful or they say things like .'couldnt we all?" or i might just say 'so so ish' it is difficult as it is the most common question that people ask each other when in chat, on the phone, on the street in passing. i used to get bent out of shape with it but i just dont anymore.. it doesn't pay. If they dont know what is wrong with me or dont understand i will say that i have a chronic illness with many symptoms. . people often start talking about all their issues or what is best is if the subject is changed altogether off illness and to another topic.
huGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGS
susie
I don’t like this question. I never want to say, “I’m hurting today-or I’m tired”. I don’t want to go into details-I feel like I’m complaining. Who wants to hear me complain-I don’t want to be labeled as a complainer.
I posted this because this is a daily issue with my husband . He not only asks me this but does it first thing in the morning .He knows i am in pain , in the morning it 's visible on my face and in my slow movements . I feel like it's a insult every morning . Some days I will answer with "do you want a list " and others days I ignore it and go drink my coffee on the porch.
I am that complainer. Didn’t realise it until recently but I’ve lost all my friends and even my family don’t bother to ask apart from my nan but she has crippling arthritis so understands but that makes me feel worse as I’ve never been the most thoughtfulist of people and feel so bad that I hadn’t been more understanding of her condition growing up, even though she says I am the most caring and have always been which makes me feel worse as she must feel so unloved. (Like I do now) I have moved to a new town and need to change my ways or I will never make any friends but I have learnt so tips for this thread so thank you x
I loved this post, as I feel it is so true. Thank you for sharing. I dread the question too but have found that I answer with, well today is a good day, an okay day or I have seen better days. I think most people who ask this question are just being polite or really don’t know what to say, and they might be a little scared of the truth. That is one of the reasons having a place like this where one can come and share what is truly going on for them is a blessing, because not only do we understand but we want to know. I think we have to give a bit of credit for the people who don’t have this condition who ask this question all the time because even though they might care for us when they ask this question, they feel limited or even powerless when we tell them we are in pain or having a bad day. Maybe we need to manage our own expectations in how we wish others to respond to us when we share how we are truly feeling. Just a thought. Hugs
I know to me its opens a door to a long conversation i don't want to have and they don't either..But if you lie and say i'm doing o.k which is the way to nip it in the bud,they will eventually say,,you must not be to bad because every time I ask your not your doing o.k..If you tell the truth,then the long unwanted conversation with someone that can't possibally understand what your going through begins,therefore the questions begin and so on,like they are going to tell you how to feel better.I've had this for 25 yrs and really have for along time been to where i'll just say i don't want to talk about it to a non fibro person,they all doubt you period..My daily rant,,wayne
I agree , to a non family member I turn it around to it's nice to see you and then I go from there and they forget they asked . It's not worth trying to provide the truth and I won't say I'm ok because it keeps the "you look so normal "issue going...
When my grandfather started to get older, he’d say, "Be careful when you ask how someone’s doing because they just may tell you!"
I work in an office with a lot of polite people. I can’t say, “Oh, even my hair hurts,” or “I’m pretty sure I was run over by a truck during the middle of the night, but I couldn’t find any tire tracks!” I say, “Just another day,” frustrated smile, “and you?” - even though I’m dreading the answer of “Oh, I’m tired because I stayed up watching Netflix” or "Great, I really enjoyed my five mile run this morning."
Really?
People who know me, really know me, know better. They ask: how’s work, how are the dogs, have you seen any good movies lately… anything but “How are you?” And I am really thankful for those people. They know I rarely have a day without pain or some sort of problem… they don’t down play it, but they don’t make me revisit it.