A helping hand

My wife was diagnosied with fibro. I am wanting to know what I can do to help to support her, and make her life generaly a little less stressfull. We have two kids; one is 5 months old, the other will be two yeears old this month. I have been doing my best to get up with the kids, but my work hours vary every day. The days I work later I help by getting up with the kids. When i work eariler I try to take the kids when I get home. Our kids are... energetic... and they suck the energy out of me. I can only imagine how she feels after a day alone with them. So i am wanting some advise on how i can be more supportive. Also i am wanting to know if anyone has some adivse on how to handle the situation of when she feels horrible and takes it out on me. It frustrates me when she does this, espeshally when I have been getting up so early every day and running my self behind on sleep trying to help her.

My one word of advice for you is just don't ignore it. My husband has a tendancy to ignore it even when I'm having a really bad day, which really bothers me. I asked him about it the other day and he said he ignores it cause there is nothing he can do, and I told him that just knowing he knows can sometimes help me. As for the stress of everything I'm sorry but I have no advice for that. Your wife will learn to do what she can and I can understand. I have a 2 and a 3 year old and my husband is currently working 12 hours a day 6 days a week on nights and it is stressfull on all of us. I wish you all the luck.

My advice begins with finding extra help for the children and the household. That could mean hiring a nanny or taking kids to day care. Find someone to help with cleaning your home. Try to utilize grocery delivery services. There are services like Let’s Dish that deliver assembled meals that you store in the freezer. Order items in bulk from places like Amazon so you’re not running to the store.

I recommend taking your wife to doctors appointments and asking questions. Also learn as much as you can about fibro from books, the web, etc

You may want to consider marriage counseling with someone who knows fibro very well. It’s probably time for you and your wife to have some alone time away from the children. Along with marriage counseling there is counseling for you. Must take care of your own needs before you can help your wife.

Hopefully that gave ideas based on my personal experience.

Best of luck to you!

Sunflower72 has some great ideas! I would have loved to have a husband that understood, he just kept complaining all the time about me going to sleep so early and why the house wasn’t clean.

If you are church goers, I know there is usually a lot of support there too. You could get good friends to help out occasionally. Maybe there is something your wife is good at that doesn’t take a lot of energy, (sewing, making phone calls) that she could trade for some help. I know being a single parent myself that money can be tight sometimes. Talking to friends and family about her condition can get people to volunteer to help. My son has POTS and I read on one of the sites about “having enough spoons” If you want to read the real version it is on "But you don’t look sick.com. Basically she needs to think of holding a hand full of spoons, every task she does in a day takes away one of the spoons, when the spoons are gone her energy is gone, she needs to decide what is worth “spending” her spoons on every day. I have learned that I can’t do it all all of the time, a little at a time is ok. Hope some of this helps!

Thanks dwinter! I think fibro takes a toll on all relationships. Some people stay is denial and others will bend over backward to help. It’s so amazing to see who my real friends are - my best friend has not stopped over once to even say hello and this has been going on since Fall 2010! Yet another lady from work cooks large pots of homemade gluten free food and drops them on my doorstep!! It’s so amazing to me…

Sorry about your complaining hubby. Mine complains when he is upset over something unrelated. It takes an act of God to figure it out. Everyone is so different.

Hey if your hubby didn’t like the house being dirty why didn’t HE pick up a mop and start scrubbing!! :slight_smile:
When mine complains about the house being dirty I remind him I hired a house cleaner and he can straighten up his own messes. I never knew I used to do so much until I became sick…

Best wishes

To piggyback on Rebecca’s post, communication is very important. Everyone in the family is stressed, so try to take time to talk - I remember growing up always eating at the kitchen table with the family. We all talked about our day and it fostered healthy conv without letting bad stuff build up. (not that it was by any means perfect!)

I did have one idea for stress relief and that is gentle yoga. Montessa - could you surprise your wife with a gift cert to a yoga studio? There is also giving her a massage appt for trigger point therapy- or another massage technique helpful for fibro patients. Your wife is prob taking it out on you because she is just as frustrated as the rest of the family. Plus remember she is in terrible pain and that sure makes me grouchy!!