Are you kidding me?!

Support
1

So if youve not been following my posts I was finally doagnosed in April with Fibro. But have had some sort of psychiatric disorder since I was diagnosed at 10 with PTSD (read bio) So i have a history with this monster.

I have had some deep knee pain the last two weeks which has kept me out of my strenous job as an LNA. So I went to the doc but she couldnt see me so they scheduled me to see the NP. I was asked to fill out a paper as to my mental state. Do you sleep at night? Do you have scary thoughts? Do you feel like offing yourself in the bathroom with the plunger? You know deep questions that can only best be answered on a 1-5 number scale. So obviously being in pain No I cant sleep. Yes I have scary thoughts i mean what if Im in this much pain for the rest of my life? Pain can manifest in some people in strange ways who am i to know if im going to off myself in a bathroom with a plunger? (I answered No to that one tho just for the record lol) I legit thought I was going to be seen for my knee though I WAS planning on making an appt before I left to see my PCP about making a treatment plan. The NP made it out that the appt was entirely for my Fibro and made me feel like a hypochondriac in the process, telling me to strap weights to my ankles and wrists and to schedule extra appointments with my therapist because my depression was not well managed. The knee was an afterthought "Oh yeah I guess i should take a look at your knee" *shakes head*

Well tomorrow I have an appt with a NEW doc that I hope understands more about Fibro and depression and has more empathy than what my other doctor possessed. But I was told to bring a list of my meds and allergies so to make sure I got the dosages correct I was looking at my chart online and found my appt with the NP. It was labeled as a depression screening.

Now I called my therapist and she said that she would sign off on fmla but shes not sure the word of a therapist will have much clout on an FMLA form. And encouraged me to contact my pcp. I dropped it off last thursday but with the long weekend she probably hasnt even seen it yet. Though Im not even sure she will fill it out for me.

In the mean time im not in work and before they will let me come back I need a doc note excusing me for every day ive been out. I have considered disability but not sure if our bills could withstand going down to a single income household. And with all the charts about my depression it seems that im sure to qualify for that if not the fibro.

Im just lost confused dont know who to turn to because it seems no one believes me except for my hubby as he sees me in imense pain just climbing the stairs to our third floor apt. I went to see fast 6 tonight and im in so much pain from sitting still and the hard seats that I contemplated (while in the theater) to go to the er and try to get some pain meds there, so i can have one night of no pain. Im no pills seeker as it is i detest pill time everynight because I feel like a drug addict. (father died from suicide due to a drug addiction) So this is a very HARD feeling to cope with. So pills are not my first solution ever. I am just sick of hurting.

Idk maybe i just needed to rant... lol i just want to wave a wand and make it all go away. Mergh!

2

Let it out, let it out, let it out! Rant away because we're right there with you and know exactly what you're going through. In my case, right down to the deep knee pain and the excruciating pain going up stairs. And G## D@###d it, you're not just imagining this due to depression, the idiots!!! This is real. This stupid illness exists! Feelings of depression, fear and even feeling suicidal at times are normal, thanks to fibro's horrid pain. Being sick of hurting is totally normal. Hideous pain from those stupid hard seats is normal.

If I were you, when visiting your new doctor, I would present very rationally and politely, while still advising your doctor that you're in extremely bad pain and your primary issue is not one of depression but pain and fatigue from a real illness. If you get a good response from him or her, so much the better. Meanwhile, I guess you could call your last idiot doc and nurse and ask them to sign for your FMLA paperwork, since you're so darned depressed and all. Idiots. I think the salient point to get across to them is that you are feeling so dreadful that you can't work at the present time. If they want to think it's due to depression, then let them, as long as they sign for the paperwork!

Please do return and share your experiences. That's why we're here, to help others feel more normal again and to also feel heard. And to know you are believed. Because you are.

Gentle hugs,

Petunia

3

This is the perfect place for you to rant. You have a captive audience most who understand EXACTLY what you are going through. A couple of thoughts come to mind. Should you want to discuss further, I am here for you. We all are.

  • Fibro is a Marathon, not a Sprint. Nobody is diagnosed with Fibro and a month later is back at normal health. It simply does not work that way. First, you have to accept the changes and limitations that Fibro brings. Second, you must learn to control what you can and live with what you cannot. Last, you must mourn the person you were because that person is likely gone forever.
  • Education, Movement (ala stretching), Realistic Daily Goals, Meditation, Warm Massage (helloooo Hubby) - These are key elements in accepting Fibro in your life
  • Understand that nobody knows how you got FM, how to uniformly treat it and unfortunately, there is no cure - Know that Fibro is a Central Nervous System disorder
  • Know that there are now medicines that can help, but you might be better off without them (it is person to person) - low dose anti-depressents (not for depression but for the serotonin re-uptake inhibitors to aid with regular sleep - as I write this, it is 4:02 AM), Lyrica (an anticonvulsant drug used for neuropathic pain) and Cymbalta are also popularly used as Fibro drugs. Many FM patients opt to ignore prevention drugs and only treat the symptoms as they arise, usually with muscle relaxers or with no meds at all.
  • Narcotics is a bad way to go - if at all possible, and I know how much you are hurting, stay away from narcotics unless your rheumatologist insists as a means of getting your pain to a tolerable level. It is simply the wrong road to travel down. Remember, nobody goes into it saying, "I want to be hooked on heroin or crack." Nobody, and I mean nobody ever goes into it thinking that ALL THEY WILL THINK ABOUT IS THAT NEXT HIT. Nobody starts down that road thinking they will steal, pawn, etc., to get enough medicine so that you are not sick when you wake up in the morning.
  • Try and find a local support group for either Fibro or simply Pain - These forums are great, but being around others who have the same thing is the way to go, if possible. And, if anything, it is a great addition to the social interaction aspect most people forget to include as an important part of their FM
4

Soooo who has two thumbs and no job... THIS girl. T.T I havent been able to go into work for about a week now not being able to move because im in so much pain. So they called me today and said that I no longer need to call in as I have been deemed to have quit. Fabulous.

5

Had you been updating them everyday? I'd call back and speak to whoever is in charge of HR. Let them know what you are going through in graphic detail. Personally, I'd write everything down so it is documented. Do you know if you work in a state where employment is "at will"? If not, they need to follow procedure as directed in the employee manual.

I wish you the very best. I know this sucks. The truth is if you were a good employee, they should work with you.

6

I was just in Thursday and they instructed me to fill out a medical leave form. They gave me the form and i went straight to my pcp. Long weekend later and im told that they gave me the wrong paperwork. And since I had no medical loa paperwork on hand that they deemed me to have quit. I tried to explain to them that my doctor was out on Friday and it was a long weekend and that before I called my boss I called my pcp to check on the status of my paperwork and my doc hadnt gotten to it yet.

Your right if i was a good employee they would do everything in their power to keep me. But I recently have been in such a huge fog that I have been getting in trouble at work because I was so stressed about making sure I got everything done that I forgot to finish my tasks. Im an LNA so I would get a resident up and dressed for the day but i would forget to make their bed. Or I would miss a button at the bottom of their shirt. little things that added up to them wanting to find a reason to get rid of me. I tried explaining this to me but bottom line was they either didnt understand or just diddnt care.

Idk maybe ill file for disability. Most of my doctors think I have depression instead of fibro. So ive certainly got a lot of documentation.

7

We all need to rant at times! I’m pretty convinced the PCPs get a kickback from therapists for referrals it’s a sad system and often misused :frowning:

8

I wish I had the magic words that would make everything okay. All I can do is tell you to try and look big picture. So you know you are not alone, I'll share my painful tale of work to being kicked to the curb.

I was in charge of all revenue generation for my company. As VP of Sales and Marketing, I oversaw six departments as well as an unprecedented ten-years of growth unlike the company had ever seen. All of this happened while I had FM. In Sept 99, a pain hit me unlike anything I had previously experienced (it would later be diagnosed as rheumatoid arthritis). I went through four months with a doctor who liked to "push" the boundaries of what other doctors found acceptable and that was fine with me since the previous three rheumatologists had been able to do nothing for my pain. During that four month period, I was rushed to the ER five times, had emergency surgery and woke up in detox after losing two days of memory while following her medical instructions.

The bottom line was that I very nearly killed myself trying to work for six months and I even worked hard to set up systems in the event that this doctor killed me, so that the company could continue growing (perhaps not like the 72% growth we experienced in FY97 or the 64% in FY98 but keeping it positive).

So I set up these systems and conducted a training session for the President (like my brother), the other VP's and the directors. A few days later, I experienced that memory loss (injecting dilaudid six times a day will apparently do that). After getting out and getting home, I called the office only to find out that I had been replaced. My job title was gone. The departments I ran now fell under somebody else. My employees were no longer mine. I was told that my short-term disability insurance had kicked in two days before and that would last for three months in which the long-term disability would kick in. That was it. End of story. I had been responsible for so much growth, I felt betrayed. I still wanted to work. Instead, I sat on my couch and stewed.

Here's the thing - they were right. I couldn't see it because of the drugs this wacko doctor had me taking but I wasn't myself and I really needed to take the time to get my mind and body working together.

epilogue: Within three months, my former company were finishing up the worst quarter in the previous ten years. For the year, the growth plummeted more than 58% and while I know that affected people's livelihood, I still, if I'm being honest, appreciated being able to see how I directly influenced company growth. Of course, they asked if I were ready to return to work. At the time, the answer was a resounding NO. I needed to take care of my body + I found another benefit in being a stay at home dad - I got to spend so much more time with my kid than I ever would have in any other situation. I volunteered in her classes, helped her discover neatness and good study habits (she is now 16 and has an internship at The Johns Hopkins Burn Unit this summer that she got by herself by making contact and building relationships with the decision making people there), got to play with her, volunteer in her classroom and on field trips, etc., It was such a rewarding time.

At the time, it seemed like the world was ending. I consulted several attorneys, threats were made, etc., but looking back on it, it was an absolute blessing.

I'm still wishing the very best for you.

Marc

9

The Mayo Clinic actually has some good info on Fibro. Here are some myths that most doctors I have met seem to believe.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/fibromyalgia/AR00056