I was doing so well.. .sleeping good, taking my meds on time. I was okay but now I am falling apart. Christmas is coming and it's depressing because I can't afford Christmas for my son this year, not even a tree. Without me being able to work, we just don't have the money. That keeps me stressed. . .for the first time in his 10yrs on this earth he won't have a Christmas but I keep telling myself that it's ok, then bills are piling up and I have no way to pay them, I have filed for disability but we all know how that wait is. . .I am falling to pieces. . .and I can't sleep because of it, causing more pain. . .more stress. . .more pain. . .more depression. . .I wanna hide or jump off a effing bridge, which ever happens first. . .I've never been so unhappy, well not in a looooong time. . .what the hell is wrong with me? I know I'm depressed but it's manifesting itself into something else. .I am so tired. . .so damn tired. . .
Mo - talk to your doctor about lack of sleep and also depression. It sounds like you could use a therapist if that's available to you. Meanwhile, can you speak with someone at your church about your financial situation? Many churches or organizations can help with trees and gifts for people in your situation. There's help there, just reach out and ask. Good luck!
Oh yes Mo, stress is our enemy because it ignites widespread debiliatating pain and like a runaway train there doesn't seem to be any way of stopping it.
And it attacks very willingly at night time. I suspect because that is the time we try to go to bed. If we could just learn to not take our problems to bed with us. Do you agree?
I have been that way for many years because I have been a single parent for many years while teaching full time and taking university courses one at a time. It semed that bedtime no matter how late was the time I would try to solve my problems. The stressing and worrying I did at night did not help.
Mo, it's so much easier said than done. I think we know the problem, but we just cannot solve it. Agree?
Love you I care about you I am sending you a big bouque of cyber hugs. When you are close to using them all and don't know what to do with yourself that's the time to send me a message and I will send you another bouquet.
Hey,homegirl 
First of all I’m sorry you’re having a hard time & having kids myself,I’ve been there.
The Twin Cities has quite a few charities that help out at Christmas time.
I did a google search but the info isn’t always current.
I’m pretty sure if you call 211(First Call For Help)they will have current information.
The sooner you call,the better. If you get on it early most likely your son will have more presents under the tree than he can shake a stick at(what does that saying even mean? I don’t know either but it sounded good at the time).
Keep your head up,everything is gonna be ok. 
I'm so sorry for your situation. I know what your going through, I went through the same kind of Christmas when my kids were small. But you know, they were great! Somehow they understood. And I bet your son will be too. The most important thing is your together. Go see your doc asap! That's what he/she is there for. ( I hope you have a supportive doc?). Life is so worth living when you have a child, even with what your going through. You will get through this, I know the pain seems endless. I wish I had a solution for you, but getting some anti-depressants and different or increased pain meds is ll I can think of. Also I don't know where you are but here in Canada your local politition can aid in getting disability. Or how about a local Salvation army type place? I hope things get better for you very soon. Sorry this is such a jumble of thoughts, but that's the way my brain works lately. Big hug coming to you :)
Dear Mo,
I am going to pull up a thread for you, please do not be offended, it is entitled 'help for low income Americans', our friend Sheila Wall spent countless hours of her life putting this together. Please, my friend, it's time to reach out and ask for some help, by the time you get on it may have gone to the second or third page, you can always use the search engine to find it.
You are very dear to me and to the group, and we care very deeply for you.
Love and hugs,
SK
Oh Mo, I’m so sorry you are feeling so down, I know it’s so hard to feel as a parent that you are not providing… This can be such a great lesson for your son, talk to him… I made one mistake in raising my son & that was that when things were tough I shielded him because I just wanted him to have a normal childhood free from worry … However he would be so much better off now at 19 had I allowed him to see my struggles, because now that he is older I expect him to understand and he just don’t seem to grasp it, that mom does not have the money this year to buy anything… What a mistake that I killed myself working so he could have a new computer & a new video game system … What did I teach him … Nothing !!
Is there a church in your community that you can call?? They may have a lot of good ideas for making Christmas come to life for you & your son,
Your happiness is all that is important here, you can let your son in on the hard time right now, while still making it a good Christmas
If you need to call your dr, you should, but just know I think what you are feeling is normal for the situation… Shoot it’s tough, and a vicious cycle with the stress and pain … Resulting in lack of sleep & more pain & more stress
Perhaps you need something for sleep? If you can get some sleep you will be able to turn this around…
Decorate… Play Christmas music
I know there are people who would love to help…
I’m so sorry you are going through this, hang in there, we all care about you very much !!!
You and your son are so. Blessed to have each other !!
When I start feeling down I just start thanking God for all that I do have … I post notes all over my house of things I have to be grateful for, sounds silly but every time I go to the bathroom and look in the mirror it says… I’m thankful that my son helped me paint in here!!
Lol he keeps taking it down and I keep putting it up !! It makes us both laugh because we stripped wallpaper for 2 weeks, then primed the wall, then painted it a hideous orange color, that was so post to be coral and we ended up re- painting the whole thing , that was last year
Anyway it remind me that I’m thankful for my son, and it shows him that I appreciated his help !
Keeps me from going crazy…
I just know for me, being thankful for whatever, helps keep me off that train that takes me into pitiful…
Hang in there Mo, try to do something to relieve the stress, even if its a hot bath or a short walk, you have to de-stress
Hugs & blessings
Mo,
This is excellent advice and exactly what I was going to suggest to you. If you don't have a church, check with the Salvation Army or the Baptist Church. Both are good at helping people in need. Meanwhile, you do have depression and depression can keep pulling you down lower and lower until and unless you go to your doctor and try to get your meds tweaked. The pain really does cause greater depression. I can always tell because I start getting angry and irritable, which is how mine manifests. So the reality is that you may need to keep retweaking the meds and keeping an eye out for doing this, due to the pain increasing.
Therapy is also another good possibility, if you have insurance to cover it.
Mostly, just don't give up or give in to this. You have yourself and your son to think of. The depression would love nothing better but it can be beaten back into the ground, as stated above.
Thrift stores, boutiques and the Dollar Store might be good places to pick up cheap Christmas items for your son, if that's possible. The Family Dollar is another good place to look, as is Big Lots. Or, push come to shove, check out the FREE section of Craig's List in your area. Or else join Freecycle.org in your local area and ask for certain things and see if anyone has them. At that age, my son even liked going to Goodwill and picking out inexpensive items. You could get a few things there, perhaps, and wrap them in colorful paper.
The most important gift to your son is you. And your time with him. That's what he'll remember long after this Christmas has come and gone. If you have the energy, play with him or read to him. Cards are a lot of fun, and not expensive to get. You can play many games with cards and kids love these types of games where you're spending time with them.
Trust me Mo, been there and done it. Your son WILL be okay as long as he has you. Don't let those stupid tv commercials tell you otherwise.
Gentle hugs from another one-time single mom,
Petunia
Mo, these are all good suggestions. I can tell you that every present I will be putting under the tree this year came from the Rescue Mission thrift store and I am not ashamed to admit it. Heck, half my closet came from the same place. You can find great bargains and nice things there. Hang in there. I bet that the things your son will remember the most from childhood Christmases when he is an adult are the love you gave him and the times he shared with family. I am quite old but that is what I remember.
Yup. True, every word. And I agree with MB that it's the family time I remember most about past Christmases. It truly does mean the most.