Hi, I am Clara, I am 38 years old. Mother of three.. I have been with my husband for 21 years.. over those 21 years I have had numerous health issues. I am manic depressive with anxiety disorder. I have heart problems ( which consist of having a heart attack at the age of 21 & and possibly another 3 weeks ago) I also have a pacemaker since Sept 2008.. I have been in therapy for depression since I was 15 years old. For the past 5-6 years I have had chronic back pain which then radiated down into my legs (more so the left one) which was ruled as restless leg syndrome.This past week it has gotten to the point of not being able to walk without assistance. My 20 year old daughter has basically put her life on hold to help me. I feel like I am a burden to her. She just got engaged and I don't want to stop her life and I have told her this.But she says since I have no one else to help me then she sees it as something she has to do. My husband works all the time and my other kids are in school (my son is a sophomore & my other daughter a senior). Last month I lost my oldest sister, in all honesty, I really don't know what caused her death. I was told she has aspirated and was too weak to fight it, I have also lost 2 brothers to heart related issues along with both parents (my parent passed when I was a teenager) . I just feel completely useless and alone right now and there doesnt seem to be any light at the end of my tunnel! My doctor is finally attempting to get me into a specialist to help me with the pain (since he finally decided to diagnose me with fibromyalgia) but I have no idea when that will be. I am simply lost. :(
Hi Clara
After reading about your experiences I am left feeling that you must be a remarkable person with a huge amount of courage… I often feel like a burden to my family and friends because of my limitations, but I have found that when I express those thoughts to them, it always amazes me how differently they see the situation… They see (me) the person they love.
I strongly suspect that the people in your life - who are important to you, only see - YOU
The losses you have suffered must be so hard to bare, but I hope you now know you have the support of everyone on this site.
I completely agree with everything Kelly has said in her reply.
Be kind to yourself Clara
Gentle hug Bev
Hi Clarah, having lost your parents, brothers & now sister… As well as heart disease your self, please do not feel bad about your daughter helping you, you would do it for her, I understand your not wanting to be a burden… But you deserve to allow your self to not feel guilty for accepting some help. I’m not sure how leg pain has turned into a dx of restless leg ? I’d get that checked further.
You have had to learn to be sooo strong, it’s ok to let your daughter help you… She loves you and wants to help, that’s a beautiful thing !!! Hug her and tell her how much you appreciate her.
I’m so sorry about the recent loss of your sister… I know how hard that is, I lost my brother last year, it feels like yesterday…it just doesn’t seem to get easier…
Depression can be such an awful thing… Do you see a therapist ? It’s easy to say, you have to think positive, be kind to yourself, find things to de-stress, that’s all easier said than done, depression is so real & often is caused by an imbalance of neuro transmitters in our brain, having dealt with this your whole life, you prob. Know this. Perhaps a change in meds, or seeing a new dr. Can shake things up in the right direction.
It’s hard to manage depression, pain, loss, and chronic heart disease… I’m so glad you have joined us, it’s so helpful to know there are others here that understand & can relate !!!
Stay connected with us… This site has helped me so much, since I was first dx I feel stronger & in more control of my life…
We are here for you !!!
When you get your appointment with the specialist post a discussion about it, others will help you prepare for your visit.
Hugs & blessings
dee
Dear clarah,
I'm glad that you found the group, and so glad you posted.
You are so very fortunate to have such a loving, caring daughter, surely you mean the world to her. She is doing what she wants to do in taking care of you and helping you, she is also doing this for her Dad and siblings. She is very strong, and I can imagine she got her strength and kindness from you. She is returning this love and care to you.
I agree with dee, on having more looked into with the back pain and RLS. There may be more to the story.
It isn't always easy to know what to say, please know my heart goes out to you. You are with others who suffer loss, and suffer from illness. We understand in our own way, comparing it to our own life, wishing you a better life, and we are here, you are not lost, you are with us now. There is strength in our numbers, and compassion in our heart.
We are very glad that you are here, we are very glad to be here for you!
Love and hugs,
SK