Don't you just hate it when you become aware that the plans you made the night before cannot be done in this body?
I feel better at night, my mornings are pretty sedentary. Sometimes after a day of doing the minimum I go to bed and watch tv for hours. During this time, because I feel better and expect to feel that way in the morning, I make plans about how I'm going to get up in the morning, shower right away, get in my car, drive to town, grocery shop, run all the errands, volunteer at the food bank, come home and make a meal, organize my house, make passionate love to my husband, etc...... AND THEN you wake up the next morning and reality hits again. Most days I have that 3 to 4 hour window of time, in the afternoon, when I can get the necessities done. Just the necessities. And the morning is a disappointment...again.
I need to open my eyes in the morning and be grateful for another day. God isn't allowing me this time on earth to sit here and feel sorry for myself. I want to make a difference for somebody, I want a purpose. I think that some of this may have more to do with empty nest than fibro, I don't know. I just sit around and feel sorry for me. Oh, whoa is me.
I have SO much respect for those of you who work, are raising young children, studying, volunteer and everything else you do. I encourage you to keep going until you can't anymore. I remember desiring rest and wanting to just spend a day home alone. Uhhh...not so much, not all it's cut out to be.
I so understand what you are talking about. I make plans everyday in my mind and then find I have to toss them out the window when I get up the next day. My Mom is 86 and relies on me to take her grocery shopping, doctors appts and anything else she needs to do. I just pray that day is a good one and I can get everything done she needs me to. She worries so much about me I have to keep up a good front. It is really hard sometimes. When I have to work I just get up and hope the day gets better. Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't. I am actually afraid to quit working because I am afraid I will feel worse. When I wait on customers I have to smile and be helpful... sometimes I think that makes me feel better. Try finding something that you can do during your good times, something that you enjoy and let the necessities go for a day. We all need that to help us get through the bad days.
My doc says all fibros have bad mornings. It sure does seem so, what a pain! When you feel so bad right away in the morning it is hard to get past those feelings.
I have had empty nest syndrome for quite a few years now. It does get better!
Hang in there L-Kitty, not everyone can deal with this illness as gracefully as you do. We are all survivors!
I agree with you and bookjunkie! We are not alone in this. I couldn’t imagine going to work anymore. As you know, I recently had to quit my job and on days like I had today, I am reminded of exactly why. There is no way in the world I could work everyday anymore.
My 14 yr old son threw his back out tossing his little sister up (step-sister, not my daughter) she is 3. He tore a muscle in his back and is in a lot of pain and I am helping him do things again.
I couldn’t imagine having to that everyday! My body is screaming at me tonight.
I always thought I would volunteer too…like at the local animal shelter, I love animals! But there really isn’t anyway, like when you said, I have a hard time getting the necessities done in the few hours a day I feel like I can.
So hang in there, you are not alone! I truly understand how you feel!
Thank you, Bookjunkie. I aspire to find the kind of peace that you seem to have found. I admire you for continuing to work. You are right about having to keep up a good face for clients. It was helpful when I worked. I feel I made a mistake when I left my job quickly. My parents needed me and the fibro was coming on strong. I guess I didn't have a choice. And I can relate to helping your Mom out. That is such an important role. One you will never regret. I had to keep up a good front too, at least I tried. My folks are both gone now, lost them both in the last 3 years. I wish I had them here to care for now. They lived long and wonderful lives, 92 and 87.
I do need to find something to do that is for someone else. I think being home is adding to the depression part of the fms.
Rattled, We have to stick together. There is a sense of strength when we get together on this board. Maybe the local shelter could use a hand. I think if I chose one afternoon a week I might be able to pull it off.
I totally know what you mean about chilling out. I would love to be able to say I spent that time reading, but I don't because I can't concentrate and my eyes don't cooperate. I go to bed early and watch tv for a few hours in the evening. It's the only time of day that I don't feel guilty for chilling. Other wise I feel like I should be doing something. Do you feel that way too?
Tina, The animal shelter sounds like an excellent idea. I just took my sweet little Picasso kitty in to get spayed this morning. She was one of a litter I found in a park. They were only about 2 weeks old. Picasso is the one we kept. She thinks I'm her mama. Cute.
I admire you for getting through each day and caring for your family. You are doing a great job, Tina. Keep it up. Thanks for your encouragement. It means a lot.
I just want to have a big party for all of us! So we can meet each other and have some fun. See...there I go again!
Hi rattled you actually can buy a magnifying glass which you can hang around your neck, before my vision went completely kaput (it’s being fixed now) I used this and my glasses to cross stitch…
