A "ME" Day

Well my fellow sufferers I have decided to try an experiment. I've noticed that when I have a day full of dreaded activity - going to doctor, visitors, cleaning, cooking, etc., I usually crash over the next couple of days. And have to stay in bed to recuperate. And the guilt is enormous because I can only lie around suffering and of no use to myself or my family.

I am so tired of having responsibilities while trying to manage my pain. . I have been thinking that if I didn't have responsibilities, the pain wouldn't be so unbearable. I am starting to resent those around me who don't suffer this agony and yet they depend on me, and expect me to be wonder woman and silently suffer while they refuse to understand what I am going through.

Last week I had two bad painful days. I laid in bed feeling sorry for myself that the family around me does not understand what I go through. I went through all the negative emotions – guilt, shame, anger, resentment, etc. I just cried and shut myself down to the outside world. It actually felt good to shut everyone out and make myself not worry about anyone but myself. It was a welcomed new experience!

Soooooo, I have decided to give myself a “me day” one day a week. (Or once every 2 weeks) A day where I will just concentrate only on me and my needs. I probably will not get out of bed and I think I will announce to my family which day of the week will be my me day so there will be no excuses for them not to be prepared to look after themselves and each other and take on the daily responsibilities. I probably won't even answer the phone.

In addition to having this terrible fibro, I also am compulsive-obsessive in that I always have to be cleaning and keeping my home organized. I can't lie in bed stress-free if there is even one dirty dish in the sink, laundry needing to be done, etc. When I am sick with a cold or something I actually have to do all my house chores first before I can rest in bed being sick peacefully. That is nuts, I know. I am my own worse enemy!

Anyway, I hope this 'me day' will work for me and that it is not just wishful thinking on my part that I can actually go through with this. I am getting scared already that my family will not like this.

Hello Jo

Please keep us updated as to how you "ME" days work out.

Rachel

Your family may not like it but it's certainly fair to expect them to pitch in one day a week so you can recuperate. In fact, it's good for them to learn the responsibility AND about caring for people who are unwell. I think it makes for more compassionate people when they learn how to think about and care for someone who is ill or elderly.

Good luck with this and I hope it helps you feel a bit better in managing your fibro.

Thanks for your support, Petunia Girl.

Jo.

every body deserves me days but those of us with fibro really deserve them. u should take a stand and have your me day. i hope your family will b understanding and realize that taking your me days just might make for a better you.

Hi Jo,

Hope you have had a couple of great 'me days' since your post and hope you are feeling better, more rested!

Hugs,

SK

Jo...that is a great idea. Stick to it. If the 'me day' helps you then your family will notice the difference in the way you feel and be supporting your 'me days' all the time. It might be awkward at first but they'll get used to it.

Allergic

Good for you but I see that you are already bargaining yourself out of one day a week to one day in two weeks. LOL. I absolutely know where you are coming from. Your family will not be happy???? I thought exactly the same thing when I just couldn't make it out of bed for longer than a few minutes. I even refused to stay in bed in the bedroom and insisted that I laid on the couch, propped up but still trying to keep some control. ROLF. What I found out was that taking time for myself and allowing others to do what was needed gave them the opportunity to shine, to show how much they care and to learn that they are capable and I am not indispensible. I'm sure that my lesson is much harder for me than theirs is. Give it a go. You never know, you may be pleasantly surprised.

Yeah Jo! I used to have me days about once a month. My me days consisted of going to the beach, the movie, or somewhere else enjoyable by myself. It really helped to rejuvenate me. Now I am limited and can’t do those things because I can’t drive or I don’t have the energy. One day without answering the phone sounds heavenly to me. :slight_smile: I will try to think of another way to have a me day.

Yes, MBP, you must try. Do you have kids or a spouse, because I know that makes it more difficult. I have a lazy husband and an unappreciative 88 yr. old mother who I have to take care of - so I don't see why they can't get it together for one day. I tried doing something fun for myself out of the house once but in order to do that I had to take a pain pill and then when I got home, it would be the same old thing. So, I am going to start out just staying in bed and not cater to THEM. (I will try some moaning and groaning to add effect) Will try to gradually get them used to doing without me. Actually, I am really interested to see if my pain is less on a day where I have no responsibility - therefore no stress. Will let you know how it goes.

I have a very unappreciative spouse who is fixated on the fact that he doesn’t get enough sex from me. I can tell you from experience, because my husband went out of town on business for a few days, that not having any responsibility is great! I ate when I wanted to, I didn’t stress about him messing up a house I had worked so hard to clean, I didn’t have to deal with his whining, etc. etc. he is looking for a new job and I am praying that he gets one that requires lots of travel. :slight_smile:

I tell him over and over that there are times when I need him to just leave me alone and he doesn’t listen. In the end, with men, it is all about them. (with some exceptions) so I just try to ignore him as much as I can.

Moaning and groaning can have a sobering affect on him, as can crying. LOL