This was a month or so back when I was volunteering and took a break due to reasons I'll get to in a bit. But, I wanted to ask you all for those who work or volunteer;
Do you ever have the Manager or Staff Keep forgetting that you have an illness? Or insist you don't have one?
Thats what my Manager was like when I was volunteering in a Charity shop. She was dismissive of my illness (This was when I was still trying to get my illness diagnosed), she wouldn't help me when I forgot simple things such as Prices, would keep telling me 'I think there's nothing wrong with you/I think it's all in your head' at times, she thought I wasn't working/doing my job at all, that all I do is shopping, don't think about the shop or the customers (I get on/chat with the customers all the time).
At first when this happened I told her how I honestly felt and we come to an agreement and then that all went out the window, she started again and 'wasn't taking what she said/her words back' this caused me to feel awkward throughout the day because of what she 'thinks' I'm doing. Eventually she asked if I 'had a gob on' with her but, I didn't get to explain much as she wouldn't let me talk and I didn't bother to say anything because, what's the point?
I know she's the Manager and she has the right to criticise and pull me aside for any mistakes but, I told her all about my illness during the interview when I first started. She even stated that we treat everyone equally as we get people who volunteer but can have mental illnesses and to treat them fairly.
So, did any of you ever get this off your Manager at all? Whether your illness had been diagnosed or not?
Yes! My manager knows, she still gave me extra work enough for 2 people. I ended having to resigned they put me into a flare. I think people just dont get it…grr
Hi Michelle, I am sorry this has happened to you. It is hard often for others to understand what someone with a chronic condition goes thru. For me, I try really hard just to let things roll off my back. When someone tells me they don't think I have pain, I have learned that it is best just to try to educate them and then I ask them to respect me and my condition going forward. If they don't, I just "put on a happy face" and go about my day. If I have no choice but to continue to be around the person (for example, at work), I use visualization or soothing music (if I can) to keep myself focused on what I am doing. I also do a lot of deep breathing exercises, it helps keep stress level lower. I also want to add that I think it is wonderful you are doing volunteer work! Hugs!
Hi Michelle I have worked in many places and have been bullied and made to feel dumb due to my fibro “fog”. I realized that I would have to ignore these comnents and even though it caused awful stress and anxiety at the time I now realise that I should have told my managers at the time. It may have made a huge difference to my working life. On a more pleasant note my knees have really improved and practically painfree now since I re-started my antidepressants. By the way all you beautiful fm people out there it definitely does get better as you get older and have less stress you will have less pain. Love and hugs and have a great weekend. Hugs from Mary Michelon
That's what I had to do. I had to take a break because it was just stressing me out...
Necee said:
Yes! My manager knows, she still gave me extra work enough for 2 people. I ended having to resigned they put me into a flare. I think people just dont get it..grr
I tried my best to let it roll off my back, I had to vent to the assistant Manager about it who told me the Manager is never as bad as this around anyone else and therefore was 'bullying' me.
Thank you, I did enjoy my voluntary work and still pop into the shop now and then. I just really needed a break due to the stress.
Auburnm said:
Hi Michelle, I am sorry this has happened to you. It is hard often for others to understand what someone with a chronic condition goes thru. For me, I try really hard just to let things roll off my back. When someone tells me they don't think I have pain, I have learned that it is best just to try to educate them and then I ask them to respect me and my condition going forward. If they don't, I just "put on a happy face" and go about my day. If I have no choice but to continue to be around the person (for example, at work), I use visualization or soothing music (if I can) to keep myself focused on what I am doing. I also do a lot of deep breathing exercises, it helps keep stress level lower. I also want to add that I think it is wonderful you are doing volunteer work! Hugs!
I'm so sorry you got bullied =( I'm glad you're Managers did something about it <3 sadly, I can't really tell my Manager since she was the one bullying me and anything I said just went in one ear and out the other. Hugs to you Mary, have a great weekend! Glad to hear things are going better for you <3
Mary Michelon said:
Hi Michelle I have worked in many places and have been bullied and made to feel dumb due to my fibro "fog". I realized that I would have to ignore these comnents and even though it caused awful stress and anxiety at the time I now realise that I should have told my managers at the time. It may have made a huge difference to my working life. On a more pleasant note my knees have really improved and practically painfree now since I re-started my antidepressants. By the way all you beautiful fm people out there it definitely does get better as you get older and have less stress you will have less pain. Love and hugs and have a great weekend. Hugs from Mary Michelon
I am sorry you bullied by the manager. No one should be bullied and there is no excuse for it. Here in the US it would be illegal to treat even a volunteer in a discriminating way and I bet there are similar laws in the UK. During the time right around my diagnosis and for about year after many of my symptoms were much worse than they are now. Dealing with the new diagnosis was very stressful and fairly frightening and seemed to increase my symptoms and then the symptoms such as the fibro fog caused me more stress and a viscous cycle started. Now I know how to handle both the stress and symptoms better and I bet this will be the case for you too. Hopefully once you get things settled down you can find another organization to volunteer with. And don't forget that what comes around goes around and some day little Miss Bully Manager will get her just rewards. If that thought doesn't help wish really bad wrinkles on her. A few revenge thoughts can make me feel better at times like these.
Hang in there,
Traci
Sometimes it is the best thing to take that break from stressors. It is very difficult to have a sick body but look healthy. Personally, I think this is one of the hardest parts about having fibro. Not only is it hard for people who see a healthy being standing before them to believe, it is hard for some people to have compassion for others, period. I agree with other posters that you have to let these comments roll off your back, and if the volunteer work is so rewarding ask yourself if it outweighs the negativity you are receiving and then decide if it the stress is worth it. I am sure that there are many groups out there who would love to have someone as yourself share your sunshine with them. Sending you many hugs.
I've no clue if we do have a law like that in the UK. But, the fact other people have complained and nothing is being done is just wrong. I agree, Karma will catch up with people who act like how my manager did. Haha! Revenge wrinkles, that made me giggle =)
Traci said:
I am sorry you bullied by the manager. No one should be bullied and there is no excuse for it. Here in the US it would be illegal to treat even a volunteer in a discriminating way and I bet there are similar laws in the UK. During the time right around my diagnosis and for about year after many of my symptoms were much worse than they are now. Dealing with the new diagnosis was very stressful and fairly frightening and seemed to increase my symptoms and then the symptoms such as the fibro fog caused me more stress and a viscous cycle started. Now I know how to handle both the stress and symptoms better and I bet this will be the case for you too. Hopefully once you get things settled down you can find another organization to volunteer with. And don't forget that what comes around goes around and some day little Miss Bully Manager will get her just rewards. If that thought doesn't help wish really bad wrinkles on her. A few revenge thoughts can make me feel better at times like these.
Hang in there,
Traci
Thing is, this only ever happened when it was just me and the Manager in the shop. It never happened if 1 or 2 more Volunteers were with us and when we became short on Volunteers, I was working with my Manager a lot. I had to confide in the Assistant Manager about my stress and shes the one who pointed out the Manager was bullying me. She told me the Manager has been like that with the other volunteers but not as bad as this. I couldn't let them roll off my back, even when I tried.
Taking a break has helped me and I am still trying to learn to let things roll off my back, slowly but surely.
Many hugs <3
Singingtrees said:
Sometimes it is the best thing to take that break from stressors. It is very difficult to have a sick body but look healthy. Personally, I think this is one of the hardest parts about having fibro. Not only is it hard for people who see a healthy being standing before them to believe, it is hard for some people to have compassion for others, period. I agree with other posters that you have to let these comments roll off your back, and if the volunteer work is so rewarding ask yourself if it outweighs the negativity you are receiving and then decide if it the stress is worth it. I am sure that there are many groups out there who would love to have someone as yourself share your sunshine with them. Sending you many hugs.
I am VERY familiar with bosses or co workers that don't "get it". I was diagnosed with FM 5 years ago. When my fibro began it hit me hard. It hurt to wash and brush my hair. I couldn't hold my head above my body. My doctor thought I had a disk out in my neck. During my one hour unpaid break I would lay down with my neck warmer just to get my head off my body for awhile. It was hell but I had to work. The bills have to be paid. My boss and co workers were understanding until I got my diagnosis. They didn't believe that fibromyalgia is a true illness. I scheduled my doctor appts and physical therapy after my work hours. I kept my boss informed on what I was struggling with and I continued doing the job I was hired to do. The only difference was I couldn't fake a smile all the time. Long story short. Three weeks after I was diagnosed I was fired for my attitude. My boss said I was her best worker but... It was a blessing in disguise. I used my unemployment to try to get better. It was a very toxic environment to work in. The women I worked with were mean, nasty, gossiping bullies. I talked to a lawyer about if they could fire me. He said I was a "employee at will" and I could be fired for any reason or no reason. Since then I have learned to let go of worrying about what others think because they don't live my life and live in this body. So Michelle don't waste your time or energy on your bully manager. She sounds like a toxic person. Gentle hugs:)
It makes me giggle too some times Michelle.
I agree with Lizzie, avoid those toxic people. the one thing that fibro has helped me see is how harmful stress is to our bodies. It was just as harmful before fibro but now I feel the results of that stress right away. We can’t change other people but we can sure stay away from them.
Michelle said:
I’ve no clue if we do have a law like that in the UK. But, the fact other people have complained and nothing is being done is just wrong. I agree, Karma will catch up with people who act like how my manager did. Haha! Revenge wrinkles, that made me giggle =)
Traci said:I am sorry you bullied by the manager. No one should be bullied and there is no excuse for it. Here in the US it would be illegal to treat even a volunteer in a discriminating way and I bet there are similar laws in the UK. During the time right around my diagnosis and for about year after many of my symptoms were much worse than they are now. Dealing with the new diagnosis was very stressful and fairly frightening and seemed to increase my symptoms and then the symptoms such as the fibro fog caused me more stress and a viscous cycle started. Now I know how to handle both the stress and symptoms better and I bet this will be the case for you too. Hopefully once you get things settled down you can find another organization to volunteer with. And don’t forget that what comes around goes around and some day little Miss Bully Manager will get her just rewards. If that thought doesn’t help wish really bad wrinkles on her. A few revenge thoughts can make me feel better at times like these.
Hang in there,
Traci
Wait, so... they were understanding but soon as you had a diagnosis they just stopped understanding? Wow. Just Wow. Why do some people not believe Fibro is a true illness? It's an invisible illness just like depression, anxiety, cancer, etc. People believe those illnesses so why no Fibro?
I'm sorry you had to deal with that hun =( It's funny how even though they're adults with jobs, they still act like children in a playground bullying and gossiping.
Gentle hugs, m'dears! <3
Lizzie said:
I am VERY familiar with bosses or co workers that don't "get it". I was diagnosed with FM 5 years ago. When my fibro began it hit me hard. It hurt to wash and brush my hair. I couldn't hold my head above my body. My doctor thought I had a disk out in my neck. During my one hour unpaid break I would lay down with my neck warmer just to get my head off my body for awhile. It was hell but I had to work. The bills have to be paid. My boss and co workers were understanding until I got my diagnosis. They didn't believe that fibromyalgia is a true illness. I scheduled my doctor appts and physical therapy after my work hours. I kept my boss informed on what I was struggling with and I continued doing the job I was hired to do. The only difference was I couldn't fake a smile all the time. Long story short. Three weeks after I was diagnosed I was fired for my attitude. My boss said I was her best worker but... It was a blessing in disguise. I used my unemployment to try to get better. It was a very toxic environment to work in. The women I worked with were mean, nasty, gossiping bullies. I talked to a lawyer about if they could fire me. He said I was a "employee at will" and I could be fired for any reason or no reason. Since then I have learned to let go of worrying about what others think because they don't live my life and live in this body. So Michelle don't waste your time or energy on your bully manager. She sounds like a toxic person. Gentle hugs:)
Lizzie does make a good point. Toxic people are no good to be around, they only cause more stress.
Traci said:
It makes me giggle too some times Michelle.
I agree with Lizzie, avoid those toxic people. the one thing that fibro has helped me see is how harmful stress is to our bodies. It was just as harmful before fibro but now I feel the results of that stress right away. We can't change other people but we can sure stay away from them.
Michelle said:I've no clue if we do have a law like that in the UK. But, the fact other people have complained and nothing is being done is just wrong. I agree, Karma will catch up with people who act like how my manager did. Haha! Revenge wrinkles, that made me giggle =)
Traci said:I am sorry you bullied by the manager. No one should be bullied and there is no excuse for it. Here in the US it would be illegal to treat even a volunteer in a discriminating way and I bet there are similar laws in the UK. During the time right around my diagnosis and for about year after many of my symptoms were much worse than they are now. Dealing with the new diagnosis was very stressful and fairly frightening and seemed to increase my symptoms and then the symptoms such as the fibro fog caused me more stress and a viscous cycle started. Now I know how to handle both the stress and symptoms better and I bet this will be the case for you too. Hopefully once you get things settled down you can find another organization to volunteer with. And don't forget that what comes around goes around and some day little Miss Bully Manager will get her just rewards. If that thought doesn't help wish really bad wrinkles on her. A few revenge thoughts can make me feel better at times like these.
Hang in there,
Traci
Yes Michelle, believe it or not there are cruel people in this world. When I was fired I felt so betrayed. I was a cook at the school my children attended. The superintendent told me he would work with me and they would help however needed because I was a good employee. He knew someone that had fibromyalgia and he was very understanding. My boss struggled with arthritis and she believed fibromyalgia was not a true illness. One of my coworkers did understand but was afraid to speak up for me for fear she would be fired too. It was so embarassing to be fired from the same school your children attend. They had to continue going through the lunch line and be served by the woman that fired me. We are from a small community so it was the talk of the town. I was afraid no one would hire me again. But my reputation of a hard worker followed me. So getting another job was no problem. I could of went to the school board but I didn't because of my children. For months after I couldn't talk about it cause it upset me so bad it would make me sick. After I was fired they went through 3 employees in one year in my position. That tells you I was not the problem! I like Traci's comment. What goes around comes around. But vengeful thoughts toward someone take energy and I'm not wasting my energy on that. I figure my old bully boss will have to answer to God someday. I will let him deal with her:) Gentle hugs:)
Michelle said:
Wait, so... they were understanding but soon as you had a diagnosis they just stopped understanding? Wow. Just Wow. Why do some people not believe Fibro is a true illness? It's an invisible illness just like depression, anxiety, cancer, etc. People believe those illnesses so why no Fibro?
I'm sorry you had to deal with that hun =( It's funny how even though they're adults with jobs, they still act like children in a playground bullying and gossiping.
Gentle hugs, m'dears! <3
Lizzie said:I am VERY familiar with bosses or co workers that don't "get it". I was diagnosed with FM 5 years ago. When my fibro began it hit me hard. It hurt to wash and brush my hair. I couldn't hold my head above my body. My doctor thought I had a disk out in my neck. During my one hour unpaid break I would lay down with my neck warmer just to get my head off my body for awhile. It was hell but I had to work. The bills have to be paid. My boss and co workers were understanding until I got my diagnosis. They didn't believe that fibromyalgia is a true illness. I scheduled my doctor appts and physical therapy after my work hours. I kept my boss informed on what I was struggling with and I continued doing the job I was hired to do. The only difference was I couldn't fake a smile all the time. Long story short. Three weeks after I was diagnosed I was fired for my attitude. My boss said I was her best worker but... It was a blessing in disguise. I used my unemployment to try to get better. It was a very toxic environment to work in. The women I worked with were mean, nasty, gossiping bullies. I talked to a lawyer about if they could fire me. He said I was a "employee at will" and I could be fired for any reason or no reason. Since then I have learned to let go of worrying about what others think because they don't live my life and live in this body. So Michelle don't waste your time or energy on your bully manager. She sounds like a toxic person. Gentle hugs:)
OK! Hands up! I have only skimmed the replies in a 'speed read' fashion. But ..
UN..BE..LEVE..ABLE!!!!!
First, you are / where a volunteer in a charity shop so let's break that up / down a little;
Volunteer: No need for dictionary definition except, maybe, for your seemingly ungrateful boss. Yes! You have / had a job to do an there are / where rules and such but your boss should be grateful for any volunteers. I did a lot of volunteer work at a local church / community centre when I was younger and I can honestly say that something would have been done about such a seemingly uncaring boss - something to put matters straight in an amicable manner.
Charity: Again, the only one that may need to look this up is your, seemingly, highly uncharitable boss. To paraphrase a well known animated hero; "That grinds my gears!".
A manager does have certain responsibilities and will, almost certainly, be under some stress to make sure 'things go right'. A good manager should be (at least) somewhat sympathetic to the needs and abilities of the workforce though.
It really saddens and often angers me when this sort of behaviour happens. In the work place, when my symptoms started to affect my work, I had one manager that would not believe there was anything wrong with me - even after I returned to work on light duties, walking with the aid of a stick and submitted letters to management from my GP relating to my (poor) health. Luckily a higher up manager accepted my health issues where genuine and valid and that I had a will to work.
As for the law in the UK, I'm no lawyer, but I do know there are guidelines, rules and laws to protect workers and individuals in general - even if you are a volunteer worker. (A general web search will help - try the .gov sites!).
I hope you know that not everyone is as uncaring, unwilling to understand or accept illness in others or so downright disrespectful.
Kindest regards,
Michael.
I understand that not everyone is uncaring/unwilling to understand/accept illness in others and/or downright disrespectful.
I thank you for your input on this Michael and I shall deffo take a look at the .gov sites, thank you <3
Michael said:
OK! Hands up! I have only skimmed the replies in a 'speed read' fashion. But ..
UN..BE..LEVE..ABLE!!!!!
First, you are / where a volunteer in a charity shop so let's break that up / down a little;
Volunteer: No need for dictionary definition except, maybe, for your seemingly ungrateful boss. Yes! You have / had a job to do an there are / where rules and such but your boss should be grateful for any volunteers. I did a lot of volunteer work at a local church / community centre when I was younger and I can honestly say that something would have been done about such a seemingly uncaring boss - something to put matters straight in an amicable manner.
Charity: Again, the only one that may need to look this up is your, seemingly, highly uncharitable boss. To paraphrase a well known animated hero; "That grinds my gears!".
A manager does have certain responsibilities and will, almost certainly, be under some stress to make sure 'things go right'. A good manager should be (at least) somewhat sympathetic to the needs and abilities of the workforce though.
It really saddens and often angers me when this sort of behaviour happens. In the work place, when my symptoms started to affect my work, I had one manager that would not believe there was anything wrong with me - even after I returned to work on light duties, walking with the aid of a stick and submitted letters to management from my GP relating to my (poor) health. Luckily a higher up manager accepted my health issues where genuine and valid and that I had a will to work.
As for the law in the UK, I'm no lawyer, but I do know there are guidelines, rules and laws to protect workers and individuals in general - even if you are a volunteer worker. (A general web search will help - try the .gov sites!).
I hope you know that not everyone is as uncaring, unwilling to understand or accept illness in others or so downright disrespectful.
Kindest regards,
Michael.