I'm dealing with the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with and it's something I have no control over. For a little over a year now I've thought my dad had Alzheimer's and a week and a half ago it was finally confirmed. We also found out he also has severe dementia from hardening of the arteries. I'm familiar with the progression of Alzheimer's from friends who have had someone with it. What scared me with my dad was I felt his seemed to be advancing very fast. His dr also confirmed this by telling my mom he was shocked at the difference since January. What I wasn't expecting was that I might physically lose him so soon. He's had several hospital stays in the last month because of his oxygen level dropping. The last visit before this the drs talked about possibly putting in a breathing tube but it never came to that. Yesterday mom had his chart changed to DNR (do not resuscitate) because they felt he really might need it very soon. I felt like I ran into a brick wall when I heard this. As much as I know this is what my dad would want I'm having a really hard time knowing the end can come any time. Every time the phone rings I have to take a deep breathe before I pick it up, afraid it's going to be the call I don't want to come.
I know there are many among us who are prayers and I ask if you would please pray for my dad to not suffer and acceptance for me. I don't want this to drag out for dad but I don't want to say "good-bye" either. My stress level is sky high so fibro is having a field day. I recently found out I have Type 2 Diabetes and my fog is causing me to not only forget to eat but I'm also forgetting to take any of my meds or to check my sugar.
I'm also running on which is also something I do when I'm really stressed out. I'm sorry this is so long.
Thanks for listening,
Dottie S.
I just received a call from my brother. He wanted to tell me my dad passed. I knew it wasn't going to be long. They stopped his insulin yesterday because he wouldn't eat. My mom, my sister and my brother all told him that everything was going to be okay and he should just rest. I believe he just needed to know mom was all right before he would let go. They would have been married 60 years the beginning of June.
Dottie I am so sorry this is happening you are such a great member and such a great help to the moderators. I will be thinking of you and your family take care of your self if you need to talk or vent email me
Dottie. i know this is a lot on your plate and your heart is very heavy.. i lost many of my immediate family and i know the pain this is. My dad passed 13 months ago. I was by his side for his last 3 .5 months. Of course we dont want our loved ones to pass yet we dont want them to suffer and linger. i pray the best , kindest,gentlest outcome for your dad , you and the ones who love him so dearly.
As far as keeping up with taking care of yourself please do what ever you must as this is so important for your well being and your dad;s as well. i would suggest to make some daily charts with times to check your sugar, meds and eating times. as you do them check it off. this is what works well for me. i send you lots of love
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. My boyfriends grandmother has Alzheimer's and Dementia too. It also happened very suddenly and I know how stressful it is on my boyfriends family and how upset and worried they are. I couldn't imagine if it was my own grandmother, or father. I know you don't know me but if you want to talk I will listen. :) I will pray for you.
Sorry to hear you are going through this. I lost my Dad in 2006 to lung cancer and my Mom to sepsis as a result of a bad fall this past summer - she chose to stop treatments so she could pass. I was there for both through the whole process.
There is no right way or wrong way to feel and there is little one can do to prepare for the loss other than to be kind to yourself, allowing yourself to feel all the emotions that come. I was once told by a therapist that if the emotions get overwhelming, pick a time for when you can let loose. Schedule a time daily or more often if needed, when you can have the space and time for you to vent, cry, scream and laugh. Whatever works for you. I send you huge hugs at this time. It sounds like you have an incredible group of support here.
I lost my mom almost 8 years ago so I understand what your feeling. As you said in your first sentence this is out of your control. You have to remember to take care of yourself because not eating and taking care of yourself will not help your father. Spend these last few weeks/months/years enjoying your dad so you have no regrets. I was thankful and got to spend the last month of my moms life defending her right to live. She had MS and in June 2006 she had a heart attack or something (they couldn't figure out what) and they told me I needed to let her go. I spent that month, she passed in July 2006, defending her right to live and not be starved to death. I also had a lot of yelling matches with God during that month. Hopefully he will forgive me, I was under a lot of stress. The good news is because I spent that time with her and defending her right to live until her body started shutting down on its own I haven't mourned her death. I told my daughter on the day we buried her to look up at the sky and pick the biggest fluffiest cloud and that would be the one her grandma was on watching her. Still to this day if she sees a big fluffy cloud she reminds me that grandma is watching us. I also do that when I'm feeling down and just need to remember her, I go outside and look for clouds. It brightens up my day. Hugs to you because I know how are this is but please take care of yourself because that is what your dad would want and your mom needs you to be strong to help her out.
Dear Dottie, I am so sorry. Have you been offered hospice for your dad. They will see he doesn't suffer and they also have services for you and your mother. I will pray for you. You also need to write down your med and blood sugar schedule and check it off as you do it. you can get cake icying in the little tubes to carry in your purse for low blood sugar emergencies. I hope this is helpful.
Oh Dottie, what sad news. I hate to hear this! Gosh, it seems like our parents should last forever and ever. It sounds like your Dad is losing a bit of himself every day. So in a way, you must be saying "good bye" now, as well. Alzheimer's is such a terrible disease and it's hard as heck on the family members. I am wondering if you might be able to look for a group of people who also have family members with it, or a grief group. I think it would be good to be around people who know exactly what you're experiencing, as the changes from Alzheimer's are many.
I have said a prayer for you and your Dad. And meanwhile, you do need to take care of yourself too. Diabetes 2 is a very serious disease and you have to keep yourself as healthy as you can. You can't afford to forget to take your meds, etc., because the consequences can be quite severe. Your Dad would not want you to get seriously ill from your grief.
Please feel free to come here as much as you need to. We're here for you.
I'm so sorry to hear about your father. My Grammy had Alziemers and suffered for over 15 years. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Also a close family friend has Dementia and he doesn't know anyone anymore and it's truly devastating to the people who love him.
Having to make the decision to have a DNR in place or not is probably one of the most difficult decisions one will ever have to make for a loved one. My nephew has MD and he's 21. We are very blessed to still have him with us as his prognosis when first diagnosed was that he wouldn't live to see 16. When it came time to decide whether or not to sign a DNR, he was able to make that decision for himself and he decided that it is what he wants,to not be sustained by machines. I remember how hard that was to accept. I am so sorry.
None of us want our loved ones to suffer. We want to keep them with us and it is terrifying to have it all happen so quickly. I've never lost a parent thank God but when I think of losing my nephew I try my best to remember what I say to Matthew when he gets fearful. "God is patient. He's allowed us to have you with us for this long. But when God decides it is time for you to go and be with him,you will be free from this body that is holding you still. And he's going to be right there to welcome you into his loving arms,when it's your time." He is very brave. I never thought I would ever be strong enough to talk with him like this,but when we're faced with life coming to an end and we have time to prepare ourselves, we possess a strength that I believe is reserved for times like these. Strength we didn't know we had. I'm not a religious person but I believe in God and it brings me comfort to picture what awaits my sweet boy when it's time for him to be free.
My heart aches for you and your family.
I will pray for your Fathers comfort and courage and comfort for you and your family.
If you are like most, those of us who have had good relationships with our fathers, are bonded to them in a special way. My father died unexpectedly when I was 25, 41yrs ago. In those years I can honestly say there have been few when I haven't thought of him. He was the one person I could always depend on. Whether you lose them as a child or as an adult, share with others, like you have done. None of us get out of this life alive, try and think about the positive times you've spent with him if you can. When you need to cry, cry. Holding the pain in and the stress you talked about will only cause the fibromyalgia pain to be worse. We're all here for you and hope and pray that your journey may not be to painful. Love and hugs, Susan
I'm so very sorry to hear about the difficult time you have been having. It seems so often when you have a chronic illness that you keep getting flooded by bad situation after bad situation.
I pray that peace and support find you during this time.
I've started a blog that may provide some added support to you, at least that is my hope and part of the reason I started it: dancingintherain-always.blogspot.com
What has shocked me is how fast the Alzheimer's has advanced. I mistaken thought we'd still have time with him. It's been not even 2 yrs since he started to show any signs of the disease.
On Thursday of last week he was moved to a nursing home and was placed on hospice. I think I've finally accepted how things are at this point. At least I can write this without crying. I've also accepted that the person I know as my dad is gone.
Being a member of this site has helped so very much. Up until I posted this I felt very alone and that feeling has disappeared as I read each reply.
You are not alone. We are all hear for you with a listening ear. My neighbor got Alzheimer's in her late 50's and it took her really quickly. That is a horrible disease. Hugs to you, I've never had someone close to me get Alzheimer's so I have no words of wisdom. Just my thoughts and prayers. And enjoy each day you have with him. And know whether he's here on Earth or up in heaven he will always be with you. I celebrated my mom's birthday yesterday by taking my kids fishing. I know she was watching over us because I got a sun burn on my legs. haha It's funny because I almost forget her birthday but I always celebrate the day she went home.
There is so much I can say, but I will keep it short. Please take care of yourself, set reminders to eat and take meds if you need to. I took care of my grandfather for almost three years after he had a stroke and was diagnosed with dementia. It is hard both mentally and physically on both you and your dad. I will keep you all in my prayers during this difficult time. May God bless you!
Hey Dottie. I hope you are doing ok (as hard as the situation may be), stress can make fibro mega bad as you have experienced. Talk to family, friends, partner about your feelings, have a hug from someone (I feel a hug can reduce my stress levels greatly) if that’s bit your thing, listen to music…music has such a great impact on everyone in different ways. I understand how you feel I have had a few losses in my life ( and my life hasn’t been particularly great either) but look, I’m still here, I’m still standing, and I am still smiling. My life motto is stay positive, it may sound rude of me to say that … I know, but it’s the thing I live by. In all situations … Of course look at the bad side of things … BUT also try and find one positive out of every negative. Other wise you will put your stress levels higher than what they are now. I do hope that everything turns out ok. Keep your head held high. Xxxx