this is for fibromites and woman and men suffering from the illness, is it harder to have a succesful relationship? if u have fibro? and if u r in a relationship and u have fibromyalgia how r u handleing it .. i need some pointers!! thankxx!!
I guess I am lucky in that way. I have been with my partner for 5 1/4 years and he was there right from me being diagnosed. My only pointer would be someone who is not willing to accept your fibro is not for you because you will never please them and it is life long. If they accept it and love you anyway then other things will work themself out xx
great advice mike
i know i have been struggling with getting in another relationship. i have worries about how to tell them about fibro and how they would accept it. i have talked about this a lot with some of my friends on here and everyone seems to have the same advice. the advice i have been getting is this that when u find that special someone they will accept u r u. when it comes to friends i think we need to find those who r going to be there through the good and the bad. my best friend and i have lots of the same heath issues and so it is very easy for us to understand how each other feels. i do have friends that r not sick in any way and we keep in touch but we dont get together as much as we used to.
i know that i have not really tried to make news friends because of being afraid of being hurt. i think that fear has kept me from finding and making new friends. i guess we may have to endure being hurt to find friends. who knows maybe we will be suprised and if we just put ourselves out there we will find new friends and be suprised.
I am still working on this one. It’s funny you posted about this this week. John and I have been having a rough time of it lately. Probably the last few months and now we are considering going to counseling because of it. I am scared to death because it’s been my experience that when people go to counseling that it is the end of the road. I honestly don’t know what I would do without him, he is my best friend, my rock!
So, I am in a relationship and I’m not handling it very well right now.
We’ve been together for 3 years now and I am wondering how much longer we have!
Don’t lose hope though…there are those here that have a very successful relationship. I think I am just too broken, emotionally and physically to have a healthy relationship.
pynkmynk,
I think any chronic disease puts added pressure on any relationship. But Mike is right, someone who is willing to accept your condition should be there for you no matter what, because it may be life long and that needs to be explained to them so that they can choose whether or not they want to pursue the relationship. Marriage vows state "for better or for worse", don't they? I think that would have to apply to anyone who wishes to be in your life.
Pointers? I have learned to be up front with a person who wants to date me. They really need to know your limitations, otherwise they will be expecting things that you just can't give them. The worst thing that you can do is to try to keep up when you truly can't. I know there are people out there that would care for you no matter what. I'm willing to wait for someone like that to come into my life.
Ally
Hi Mike - what you are saying is true. This was one of the reasons that I divorced my husband several years ago. I am finding, quite a bit on this site - that boyfriends and/or husbands are not supportive enough or not supportive at all. It's very detrimental to a Fibro when this happens, especially because of the stress that it puts on us. We all have to work extremely hard at keeping the stress level low, which is not easy. Hugs! Laurie
HI Tina - aside from some serious issues with my then husband - Fibro was one of them. However, I had no problem divorcing him, because about 2 years up to the divorce, I didn't love him anymore - so this made it much easier for me. I am sorry you are going through this with John. It's so tough with us Fibros - because we are always in pain and the added emotional and mental pain we have is just a HUGE burden for us. When in physical pain, I really believe that we feel it so much more -don't you? Laurie
I totally agree Laurie!
I was crying and apparently had raised my voice when we were talking and he said he didn’t know why I was so upset, that I needed to calm down so we could talk.
What he didn’t understand was I just felt like I couldn’t calm down.
I was confused, hurt, angry, sad…all in one big emotional ball of a mess!
We are doing a little better. We have come to the agreement that we love each other but are having serious communication issues. So, we are thinking about therapy.
All I could think was great…another appointment!
Like Laurie said, I do think that we feel more emotional, maybe just some of us are like that, I don’t know.
But for me it’s difficult to not feel like I’m going insane because one minute I feel kinda okay (at least the pain is less) and the next minute I’m a grumpy, not fun to be around person because my pain level is through the roof.
I do think Laurie is on to something here…does anyone else feel like your “feelings” are amplified because of your pain?
I would just like to say that I don't know how my husband puts up with me. I'm up, I'm down, I can, I can't, I create doctor bills, I'm not the woman I used to be. I don't even understand this fms. I don't know how he does such a good job going up and down with me, but he is... so far. I'm so thankful.
I only complain to him when I really need to. Not about him, but about my symptoms and struggles. He feels bad for me, especially since he has been struggling with tendonitis. His pain has helped him understand mine, I think.
I call him my rock. We have had a rough year, because of problems with one of our grown daughters. We don't seem to agree on some of these areas, even after 35 years of being together. I get the disagreements about her mixed up with my fibro and sometimes I think I'm more sensitive than I ought to be.
And I agree with mikejudd. You want someone that can support you through life. Acceptance of fibro is a huge part of that.
Best wishes Pynkmynk and God Bless.
L-Kitty