I’m curious to know how many of you on the board are single. Myself,I have been single for over 3 years & it really sucks. A few questions. Has having fibro ruined any relationships or marriages? Have any of you had any success finding someone since you’ve had fibro? If you do meet someone you’re interested in,what’s your process? Do you tell them the whole kit & kaboodle right away or ease them into it over time?
I usually lay it all out right away & in my experience they almost always have good intentions going in,seeming sympathetic,etc. Later on though,they are looking for the door. I know part of that is my own fault for being so guarded & I’m not the easiest person to get to know due to being in a long term relationship with someone that threw me having fibro in my face in one way or another almost every day.
I would really like to read some other’s experiences,good or bad,successes or failures.
Thank you.
Hi am very sorry you have not found Mrs right but she will be out there. I am very lucky I have an amazing hubby who does every thing for me and our kids, he is one in a million, My fibromyalgia is very hard but it is my partner that keeps me strong and if anything it has made us closer then ever.It is not nice i guess being with someone who throws your illness in your face, your better off with out people like that.All the best xxxx
I've been single nearly all my life (29 now). The thing is, I'm asexual... I tried several times to be in a relationship, because I do crave contact and a relationship. But it's always either not worked because of my lack of sexdrive OR simply because I've always been suffering from one thing or another.
I don't want to be alone all the time, but I've given up on trying to find someone willing to put up with me and the whole mess that is my list of ailemts.
I'm known to be a nice and funny person to be around, but I can't help and carry some of my suffering out in the open. I've had a few longer and shorter relationships before, but not for the last 10 or so years. I tried meeting people, but... I always manage to mess up so bad they never call again ^^;
I guess the whole fibro thing is hard enough to deal with, for potential partners, and I can't compensate that with intimacy.
At some point, I think I'll try moving into a flat share with a friend, because at some days, I feel scared being all on my own.
On the other hand, being on my own is nice, I can do my household chores as I want, I can sometimes just leave the dishes in the sink for a day or two and nobody can complain but me when they aren't done XD
this is a very interesting topic. in my last relationship i didnt know i had fibro then i havent even heard of it. all i knew was alot of date nights were just the two of us on the couch watching a movie cause i didnt feel good enough to go out. my bf was great in the beginning and he was allways going to drs with me. then out of nowhere he told me it hurt him to see me sick all the time and he couldnt handle it.
i havent dated since but its mostly cause i am tring to focus on fixing me and i dont need the drama of a realtion ship.
Well my entire experience with this is complicated at least and I'm 20 so remember guys at 23 are still interested in bars, staying up really late and other active stuff as well as the video games. When I found out I had fibro I was with a boyfriend who was helping me go through the diagnosis stages, the before during and for almost a year after. The relationship didn't end due to fibro but it was an impact for sure. The one after that, when he met me I had my "warning sign up" I was walking with a cane so I had to tell him everything when he asked about the cane, he was supportive and helpful, tried to understand and was very attentive for the moths we dated, fibro did't impact the relationship really it was just having different interests and such that had us split. Now, this is a little strange because I am dating someone who was dating me for 2 years about a year prior to the fibro so he was expecting the same spunky, active, kick boxing red head he used to know, well it's been a shock to his system to see how much I've changed n the three years. He is trying to understand and I know he cares he is just having a tough time dealing with the change. All in all I've been single for maybe a three month spa total since I got fibro 2 years ago so I don't do the dates, I seem to wind up in a relationship when I'm not looking.
Im in a serious relationship with everything out in the open about my fibro. If anything my boyfriend just cracks a few jokes here and there about how im "falling apart" on him but it is all in good fun. Anytime i'm having a difficult day he is always trying to help me out in anyway he can. with also having anxiety and cronic depression issues i can be a little hard to get along with sometimes but he understands and just asks if i need anything. Also my friend just got into a relationship with a guy that has fibro (she can be hard to get along with and be supportive sometimes) but she has been very open to his issues with it and is always calling me to try to get a better picture on what he is going through without being too in his face about it. People seem to be understanding but it's all about finding the right people and I send you best wishes on finding that supportive person that makes the days better.
Hi, this is a great discussion post, I had been in a long relationship, that ended 2 years prior to my fibro starting, and have been single since, When I was working, ( with fibro) there was no way I had the time or energy to even go out n a date, no that I’m 6 months not working, the thoughts of a relationship has surfaced a little. It would certainly have to be someone very understanding and compassionate, unfortunately I seem to attract the self centered, narsacistic, I need a mother type guys… So if I meet someone special, that would be great, I have a lot of love to give, but I’m not the person I was, so finding someone now, is, I’m sure very limited, but one can hope and dream !!!
Hugs & blessings
Thanks everyone for the replies. For those of you that have someone good in your life already & others that have found someone,that’s very inspiring. We often hear from others who do recognize & acknowledge our struggle how strong we are to carry on. It also takes a very strong & unselfish person to love us for who we are & accept the package deal. I have the utmost respect for those husbands,wives & lovers who stick by us. That is very rare in today’s world & it warms my heart that some of you have that.
I am single and have been for the past 28 years. I love being single! The freedom , the independance! No one to answer to except my cat. Sure does help when i feel too sick to cook or clean. Cats are low maintance and so loving. I had been married twice both disasters i never want to repeat.
I had two marriages. Even though the first one started off as supportive it ended with resentment and cynacism. I had a decent job after getting off of disability for 4 years. He was happy that the job was well paying but then I developed problems in my hands and could not keep the job. I chose to return to the field of child care and he resented the drop in pay. I did a lot,worked really hard on the relationship for years but I don't know how to change. My second marriage went south after post partum depression and the difficulty of managing a full time job, household responsibilties. I was exhausted again trying to please someone else. I dated another person for some months after that and gave up. I have energy for my son but not my son and a husband.
I am single. I have three children. My first marriage just plain failed, nothing to do with fibro. My last relationship has been severely impaired by my lack of ability or drive to go places. I am happy at home, where I can rest and not push myself. He said he wanted to be there, that he understood, because I did put it all out there shortly into the relationship... at that stage where the "I like you" starts to become "I really like you." I don't have a lack of sex drive, but my moods and the hurting all of the time turn me into a hermit. Hopefully someday I will find someone that understands.
That’s another thing I was wondering about. Sex. I see a lot of women say because of fibro,sex is either too painful or because of their fatigue they have no sex drive. Not that sex is everything but what a horrible casualty of this disease among so many others as if all the other things aren’t enough.
Yeah I don’t know about all that. I think it’s more situational than just black & white men want sex more than women. There are so many factors that could make that true or untrue.
Compatibility,chemistry,attraction,level of love,etc.
Like I said,it’s not everything but it has to be a factor if it’s one of the top reasons why relationships & marriages fail. & I get it,the whole being in too much pain thing but who wouldn’t miss intimacy & sex along with every other good thing this stupid disease robs us of.
Fibro definitely makes sex a difficult and touchy subject. And yes, men and women are wired differently but I know at least one woman who wanted it just as much as, if not more than, her husband once upon a time. Pain and fatigue definitely get in the way of a sexual relationship and this can cause problems in a relationship as it has in mine. My husband loves me, I have no doubt of that, but he is a human being just as we all are and despite knowing that I don’t feel well, am in pain or am tired, he still takes it personally sometimes when I reject him or just want to get the act over with so I don’t hurt as much. And who wouldn’t feel rejected? Our emotions often override our intellect in this and in every other aspect of our lives. And, even though intimacy and sex are two different things, they are intertwined and many people see them as the same thing. So, ideally, the inability to have sex or the lack of desire for sex would not affect a relationship because there are so many other ways to be intimate and close. But realistically, it does affect relationships and is one of the reasons (i would say a major contributor) why marriages and other relationships fail when one partner is chronically ill.
I know- I keep telling my husband to suck it up, it is all in his head, and to stop being so damn grouchy! LOL. Cuz you know I never get grouchy. Nope, unh, unh, not me.
Update: Guess who has a date Saturday night with a beautiful,sweet young lady?.. This guy does! I will keep you all posted. Keep your fingers crossed for me
