Hi everyone - When I divorced about 12 years ago, the thought of dating again made me a nervous wreck. First of all, I had met my then husband when I was 18 - we got married when I was 25 and were together for 28 LONG years (I made a horrible mistake staying with him). When we divorced, after about a year, my kids wanted me to start dating again. I panicked, because It had been so many years! I had no trouble meeting men - but with my Fibro and all I went through in my marriage - dating was the last thing on my mind. I did attempt to go out a few times, but I had a limp and the pain made me very self conscious. Also quite frankly, I find trusting men not easy at all. On some of my dates, men would ask me - ''Why are you limping??'' Or they would say, ''Why are you in so much pain?'' I was so sick of explaining myself that eventually I just nixed the whole idea of going out at all on dates. My kids (bless their heart) really thought I needed a man in my life - but I have good friends and we go out all the time - when I am able. I gave men friends too - but there is never the pressure of having to 'go out' with them on dates. They understand and respect my wishes. I am just curious if any of you have had the problems that I had?? Would love to hear from all of you! Love to all my wonderful friends!! Laurie
John didn’t know I had Fibro when we started dating. Hell, I didn’t know! I was having symptoms though. I remember some of our first few dates, I was SOO tired and having aches and pains. We both thought I was just getting sick but then it never went away and just kept getting worse.
He could have bailed, I even gave him an out! But he didn’t go anywhere! He said he fell in love with me, and there wouldn’t be anything to stop him from loving me, not physical ailments, nothing.
He is definitely a keeper and let me tell you, I had tried pushing him away and he meant what he said.
We met on E-Harmony almost 3 years ago. I suggest it for sure!!
There are some great quality guys on there! Plus you get to know them before you actually meet them. John said he actually fell for me long before we met and once we did, he said that was it for him! He knew the first date we would be together the rest of our lives.
Aawwwww! That is so sweet Tina! You are indeed a lucky, lucky girl! Yes! Absolutely hang onto him. This is what I am talking about! If what you and John have isn't love - then I don't know WHAT is!! LOL So many women, here, I am sure would love to be in your position! He obviously supports you with all you go through, and that is a real plus! Thanks for sharing that with me! Love, Laurie
Hi Tina, that is such a great story… I’m with Laurie Aawwwww ! You are very blessed and lucky to have found love ! It’s certainly gives us single women some ray of hope… Thank u for sharing !
Laurie, I’d like to think there is a special someone for everyone, my thought… Hmmm , he would have to be pretty special to understand fibro & be supportive, after reading Tina’s story I’m guessing they are out there.
I dont date.
People tell me I am very attractive. Men do ask me out but I am not interested in using my precious energy to get played by someone who is after just a hook up. I have found that with my situation, being a single parent of a disabled child and being finacially independent, that I cannot trust any man to actually want to date me and begin a relationship. I am too worried about being used for my money or used for my looks. So I just dont date at all.
Plus if I have energy to do something fun, I want to use it to take my child to do something we can both enjoy and have those memories in case she is not around for a full life.
I have been worried about this as well and hope I can find someone that is accepting of fibro and still wants to be with me. I like the idea of a man that is supportive and will stay with me even with fibro. I have done the internet dating thing and a lot of those guys just want to hook up. I feel that we can hopefully find someone genuine who will stick around even with our limitations. Here's to hoping.
this question is making me smile..and laugh, for minutes. memories are flashing through my mind...disasters, kind moments...it is just SO completely absurd to me (my dating attempts) that i have to laugh.
when i started dating for the first time (after being w/someone from age 18-28...so, though my was shorter, i do remember what it was like to consider dating -basically for the first time! it was wild... i was ...shy, lost, and tentative. on the other hand i enjoyed getting to know different people, and watching the dreams that brought up in me). but that was back when i didn't know i had fibro yet ...and the last 10 years of having it have changed me. i am exhausted. i am weary. i am so so sad. i have more dignity. i have more patience. etc
i just say that i have back pain (at first) because this seems easier to understand...sometimes people will actually ask "oh, do you have fibromyalgia?". it's a wonder to me that it is well known enough for that!
dating is nuts. yes, first of all the fear of men. i think i said this in another post- but i have done any & all therapy i can get my hands on for the last 10 years to try to heal from the 1 year long abusive relationship i had. (1 year!) and it has not been enough. (I also had a good marriage with a kind man, for 10 years before that). a bad relationship can wound us in so many ways...but, although i don't feel as good as i did before the abuse, the 10 years of trying certainly have taught me things & improved my health to some degree. (i hope you find healing & someone wonderful for you...whenever you are ready). :) there is just left over trauma memory, plus the usual fears. plus, it is a lot of effort for me to wash my hair....i look like a crazy homeless gal most days (putting on an outfit that matches is hard too...i have bought all my clothes in the same color tone so that whatever i throw on will somewhat work, but that's not the same as looking & feeling really nice...)
ok, i realize i can talk for hours about this...i have to go at the moment. if you have more specific questions or concerns? that may help focus my responses...lol!
Mama - you said it, ''the fear of men.'' My ex-husband was one of the worse serial cheaters ever! Also the trust issue is pretty prevalent as well. After our divorce, he did marry the one that was his latest conquest and now they are getting divorced. Gee! I wonder why?? I did make an attempt to date about a year after my divorce, but on episode took place, and I was dated again. I met this guy who was a pilot. He asked me out for dinner and a movie. Well, I took the chance and I was a nervous wreck getting ready for the date! LOL He took me to a nice place, and as we were talking, he got real serious and said, ''I have a confession to make.'' I really didn't need to hear this, because immediately it put me on guard. He reached into his pocket and took out what appeared to be a wedding ring!! OMG! I just went through hell begin cheated on for so long,.and then he said, ''I am married, but I getting a divorce.'' I stood up and just shouted at and left the restaurant. I took a taxi home. The next day, he had sent me flowers to apologize and I told the delivery boy to just take them back.
i could say so much here...wish i had more energy...but all my gentleness and grace goes out to you. i want to say something that will ...just support you to find something much better. and...the truth for me is that i was still vulnerable to -basically, to choosing another abusive situation. :( it has taken me a long time to get a grasp on why/how this happened to me. i had an extremely severe abuse history though so hopefully you are better off. here are a few places that helped me... www.healyourearlyimprints.com the book "shattered" (on betrayal). (i actually checked out dozens & dozens of books but this is a good start) and the last thing over the years that has made the difference is being around women who keep shining the light on, & reminding me of, my own beauty & worth. xo