Dating. . . .(Kinda Long)

So I am having this issue with dating. . .what's the issue? I'm dating. . .

I haven't been out on a date in 2 years, I've only been intimate with one man for 2 years but we were not in a relationship, I just got so used to being around him for the past 4 years that I didn't want anyone else. So fast forward to now I stopped getting so close with him because I see that he doesn't want what I want or maybe I wanted something different so I stop seeing him. . .I went out a few wks ago and saw this gorgeous guy and because I am who I am , I told him that I thought he was gorgeous and went about my business, I'm very blunt like that so nothing new. Well he felt the same and we talked a bit at the lounge and what-have you then exchanged numbers and we have been talking ever since.

He is so amazing, absolutely a sweetheart with just the right amount of bad boy in him, he's a single father so he knows what its like for me, he's a college student like me and holds down a job he loves. Sounds good right?

But then there's me, I lose confidence at some point with men because I don't think I'm good enough. I told him about my fibro and he actually did a study on it for school and wanted to know more if I'd share so that was a plus, someone who knows about fibro and understands it. . .again, good right?

Well then there is me. . .because I don't work anymore, I feel useless. . .my arms are getting worse, I feel like I want to roll over and die. He texts me the sweetest things, he makes me laugh, he has truly kept me smiling for the past few wks, its amazing because since I've been with the last guy for so long who's ability to make me smile or even happy was a chore, I forgot what it felt like to have someone genuinely like me. Good right?

Well we have a date tomorrow, dinner at my place. I was excited about having a date in a long time with someone new but then I woke up and felt sick to my stomach. Like I am not good enough. I deal with too much pain, I don't work, I js feel so small. . .and I am withdrawing from him. I won't cancel the date but I want to. I want to hide in my pain and sulk in my sorrow. . . I like having someone make me smile but I feel like I don't deserve that and I shouldn't be around ppl while in pain. . .

I realized that I truly am afraid to be happy because I don't think it's possible anymore. Not even for one date. I want to make him hate me so he'd move on to someone better, someone who isn't sick or can't work because she's disabled. . .what do I do? What would you do?

Mo, you just stop that right now. You are an amazing person and deserve every good thing that comes your way. You do so much with school, your son and your family. You had the courage to make those videos about fibro and post them on the freaking Internet, something I would never do in a million years. You have always had great things to say to other people here. I know it is hard to accept that you can be happy. Boy, do I know it. It is one of the things I am talking over with my therapist right now- that feeling like you are always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have been mostly pain free for the past two or three weeks and I don’t trust it. We just get so used to negatives that it is hard to accept that there is so much good in this world, in our worlds. You just gotta look for it every day. You will have a great time on your date and you will enjoy this guys company. If it leads to something more, great. If not, so be it. But take advantage of the fact that this hunky guy wants to spend time with you and enjoy it. Live in the moment for a while!

Hello,Mo. It’s times like this when one of my favorite movie quotes comes to mind.
“You can get busy living or get busy dying.”. I believe that fits fibro so well & what we go through every day. You deserve to be happy just as much as anyone else period,end of story.
What have you got to lose that you haven’t lost already to this disease?
Worst case scenario,you’re not any worse off than you are today.
People say you can’t lose if you don’t play but you can’t win either.
Go for the win! We could all use a win in our lives. :slight_smile:

Dmd, I love the saying. I wish I was so eloquent with words.

You are so right, when things go too good I don't trust it cause I think fibro will eventually ruin it for me. My confidence in myself has fallen dramatically lately. . .I'm like a walking zombie. I keep trying to get back to the old me and go out with my friends and have fun but misery kicks in. I've been alone for so long that I am used to that, that feels normal to me.

He is realllly really gorgeous

Thanx for that!! We all could use a win sometimes huh! I have to try to believe that fibro will not ruin everything for me all the time!


Well, you enjoy him. And who knows, maybe hanging out with him will bring you out of your funk. You go girl!