Dating with a chronic illness

I have decided to start dating. I thought long and hard about getting into a relationship and going through the whole process of explaining fibromyalgia to a partner. I just would like to avoid that. So, I thought I would join an online group where I could meet others with chronic illnesses and although I have joined a couple there seem to be very few members. For the whole state of Massachusetts there is one male. Has anyone tried dating online?

I have dated online with very little hope that I would find a man who can deal with my limitations from fibromyalgia. Not to mention a severely disabled adult daughter living with me at the time and two teenage sons. I was pleasantly surprised that there ARE men who can handle it. I am 46 so I am not looking for someone to have babies with which could be a deal breaker. I am at an age where the men are also slowing down a bit. So if you are clear in your profile that you like a quiet lifestyle and the simple pleasures in life , you will attract men who aren’t out sky diving and running marathons and expecting you to participate with. Then , after you or he express interest in talking and getting to know one another better, before you bother to meet face to face, I disclose my health situation. I have only had one man get skittish over my health and he was back pedaling a couple days later and wanted to go out anyways. I weeded him out though. No way am I going to even attempt a possible relationship with someone who questions how fibro can even exist? He didn’t mean it in a viscous way but I am not going back there again. My ex husband likes to imply that I am full of it and faking. He also likes to say I am so full of medication I don’t remember things…jerk. The biggest problem I ran into was the guys date multiple women or hide the fact that they are flirting, sexting, or attempting to set up a meet up with another woman. One man talked me into flying out to visit him during a temporary out of state work situation and broke up with me 3 days before I was to leave. He had no reason. He gave his phone away months later to his new girlfriend. She accidentally texted me since my contact info was in the phone and her friend had the same name! We figured out what happened but I had no idea if she was male or female. I said if David has a gf warn her of this and that… And it was his gf on the phone!!! She broke up with him after hearing about some of his behaviors… Anyways, there is definitely hope in finding someone to share your life. You need to be willing to push yourself sometimes cuz it works both ways. The guy isn’t expected to tailor his life around your illness. Sometimes you get left behind if you can’t keep up. Just enjoy those quiet times!!! Good luck! Oh and give Plenty of Fish ( POF) a try. It is free and that is where I found my guy. Today we have been together for 6 months. We are planning a future together… So we are still desire able and worth someone’s trouble!!! It was a nice surprise!

Hi Dozer,

I have tried dating online and that's how I married my husband - of course that was 13 years ago. You do need to be careful about online dating. My best advice is to always be honest and demand nothing less in whoever you are interested in. have to follow your gut. I knew what was right for me even when others spoke out against what I was doing.

It's only my opinion, but I don't think I would be looking for a fellow sufferer to start a relationship with. To have both suffering from some sort of chronic condition would be hard. You have enough with your own fibro. You might be thinking that someone who is suffering from a chronic illness would understand and that may be true, but why take that on. You don't have to settle just because you have fibro. You are a person and you deserve to find love and to be loved for who you are. Your condition does not define you. Sure, its a HUGE part of you (all of us with fibro have to admit that), but its not you. Look to find someone that you can connect with and who will appreciate you for you. If it happens to be someone else with fibro or another pain condition - fine. I'm not saying to discriminate against others. I'm just saying why look for a fellow sufferer only. There are plenty of people out there. And, if someone is interested in you for you then they will accept all that comes with you and that means the fibro too. Give it a try and take the time to explain fibro to an interested partner - you just might be surprised with what you find.

Hi Hopeful,

I am currently on a regular dating site and will probably stay there with hopes of meeting someone. I have to come to terms with memories of the struggle of getting someone to accept it. Thanks for your input. Thank you Teresa as well.

Teresa, that is such great advice !!! And thank you for sharing this very personal part of your life… It gives me hope :slight_smile:

Good luck with your new guy :slight_smile:
Hugs & blessings
dee B