Omg thats so funny, and gross lol
LMFAO!
You might be a redneck, if you own one of these signs lol
My kind of guy!
OMG, we sure can’t have the roaches getting cancer from our butts. That would be tragic. LMAO
A guy walks into his doctor’s office and says, “Ddddoc, I’ve bbbeen sssttttuttering ffor yyears and III’m tired of it. Ccccan yyyou hehehelp mmme???”
The doc says, “Well, I’ll have to examine you first before I can answer you.”
The doc examines him and says, “Well, I’m pretty sure that I know what the problem is.”
The guy asks, “wwwell wwwhat is it, ddoc?”
The doc says,“It’s your penis. It’s about about 18 inches long and all of the down pressure is putting a strain on your vocal chords.”
The guy asks, “Wwwhat ccan wwe ddo about it?”
The doc replies, “Well, I can cut it off and transplant a shorter one. I can guarantee that the operation will cure your stuttering.”
The guy says, “Dddo it!”
The guy has the operation and about four weeks later he comes back to the doctor’s office and says, “Thanks Doc. You’ve solved my problem and I don’t stutter any more but I’ve only had sex once in the past month. My wife doesn’t enjoy it any more. I cannot satisfy her. She liked my long penis. I don’t care if I have to stutter, I want you to put my long one back one!”
The doc replies, “Nnnnope. A ddddeal’s a ddddeal!”
LMAO!!!!
This is one I heard recently.......
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
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My other favorite.........
Darren and Bob play golf every Saturday. Darren usually comes home around three o'clock and helps his wife, Mary, with weekend chores and whatnot. On this Saturday, Darren had promised to clean the garage after his game. Three o'clock came and went as did four, six and nine. Finally, around 9:45 PM, Darren arrived home His clothes were tattered and dirty. One look and Mary knew that Darren had been crying. "Where have you been? I've been worried sick about you. Why didn't you call?"
"Bob died today," Darren replied. "He had a heart attack on the 3rd fairway. He died quickly and was in no pain." Darren started crying again.
Mary said, "Dear, I hate to ask, but if Bob died on the 3rd hole, where have you been? You should have been home hours ago."
Darren replied, "It was a rough day. Real rough. It was TAKE A SHOT, drag Bob, TAKE A SHOT, drag Bob."