Hey Everyone,
Today I saw such a beautiful site on my way to church. There were 4 hot air balloons floating up in the bluest of skies and the sun shining. It looked so peaceful and tranquil. I thought what a fantastic way to start the day.
This morning I woke up with pain across my upper back, all the pressure points are very touchy. My ankle locked up on my right foot and my left foot felt like I was going to get a bad cramp in it anytime. It hurt enough to make me limp. My shoulders toward my back feel like I am sitting against a rock, seems to be a knot in my back, more than one. When I watched the hot air balloons, just for a moment, I imagined what it would be like to have no pain, to have that peace and tranquility. You know, when I didn't have this, I took a pain free day for granted. Now I wish I could have one. There always seems to be pain, to one degree or another.
The weather is changing. The temps for the last couple of nights have dropped below freezing and highs in the 50's and 60's. I think the cold makes it worse. Here in South Dakota we can get very cold winters, -25 is not uncommon with wind chills down to -50 or more. Last winter we were blessed with a winter that was more like a extended fall that went into an early spring. So I don't know what is going to happen this year. I also have SAD which is kicking in. These past few nights I get a feeling of dread I just can't shake. The shorter days are not a good thing for me.
I know this will probably sound weird. I am single with my two youngest kids at home. As everyone knows, it's a tough job when you have to be everything, mom, dad, nurse, cook...etc. I was married for 20 years before I got divorced. Then I went through 3 bad relationships (abusive). The last one ended in 2009. I have and still am going to my counselor as well as my kids. I would love to find a man to start to get to know and see how it goes from there. I married at 17 to get out of my house. My dad was an alcoholic, and my mom seemed to think a lot more of my younger sister and did not hesitate to show me that. I was too young to get married, I really didn't want to but at that time I didn't see any other options. I have always been treated 2nd or less by men. When I was married, my ex said it was my job to cook, laundry, take care of the kids, sometimes do yard work all with me working full time. Anyhow to get to the question, and it's weird, since I have really never been on my own until 2009, how do you go about looking for a good man? I am not in a rush and want to take my time, but I don't want to be alone. It scares the crap out of me. My mom will be 88 in January so I don't know how many years she has left. Even though nothing has changed, I still love my mom and I am not ready to have her go.
Anyhow, my shoulders, wrists and hands are telling me enough all ready. I hope you all have a wonderful Sunday and a low pain day.
Gentle Hugs
Dawn