Need good thoughts/prayers/vibes sent our way

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1

I don't make this part of my personal life known to alot so here I am posting it for the world to see but I really need some good vibes and good luck in my life.

My husband is incarcerated and will not be home anytime soon. We are in the state of Texas and he is 450 miles away from me. Before I got sick I was able to visit once a month, for awhile I was able to go twice a month a couple of years ago. Since I've been really sick I've only managed 2 visits in about 8 months and the last trip in September about did me and I've not been ok since then. So we are not planning any visits anytime soon. In addition all the doctor visits and prescription expenses have made it near impossible to afford the visits very often.

Today we submitted letters from my doctor and our request for him to be moved closer to home. In Texas a transfer is only granted due to serious medical conditions and it is very difficult. I need this to happen. I miss my husband desperately. All we get is to hold hands across a table and share a soda but it is so important to our marriage. He has tried to hard thru all this to understand and comprehend even though he is not home. Its so hard because he doesn't see me on a day to day basis. He doesn't go to the doctor. He has no internet he can go to and read like we all can. He doesn't see me cry in the mornings. He doesn't see me sleep for 12 hours. He can't understand why I am so mad when he wakes me up calling in the morning. All he gets his me being a raging b***** from the side effects from these diseases and from all the side effects from the medicines and he has put up with it all and never said a negative word. I try to make him understand but its not the same. All he knows is I have changed drastically in the last year. But he has been so good thru it all.

I really need TDCJ to approve this transfer. I really need good vibes/prayers/whatever every one believes in sent our way. If he is moved he will be moved within 200 miles. 200 miles will still be hard and there still may be times I can't make the trip but I know I could tolerate it at least once a month and we so need to see each other. I hope we know something within a few weeks. I want to be able to visit near the holidays if at all possible. Its time for us to have something good happen for us!

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My thoughts and prayers are for you and your husband! May he be transferred closer to you soon, especially now that the holidays are close:) I cannot imagine being away from my husband even for a day, you are a strong woman! I wish you both luck!

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Thank you so much. I do miss him and its so hard to be apart especially now I’m sick.

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Sending positive thought for things to go right for you. Keep us updated.

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Yes Mrs K I will send good thoughts your way. However, you must remember that the fact that he is incarcerated indicates that he has done something pretty serious in breaking the law. This is very hard on you.

Perhaps you should consider writing letters for awhile. Can you write him now? Or do you have to get permission to do that? He could certainly write to you. In your letters you could share many things with him so that he could see the huge impact his incarceration is having on your life and your chronic illnesses. The stress of him being incarcerated is very hard on you. Don't make things too easy for him. He has to take ownership of his wrongdoing. And you definitely do not need any more stress in your life. You have some recovering to do with your fibro. It is a serious illness. You must take care of yourself. Think about writing him for awhile with perhaps a few face to face meetings.

Out of his incarceration could come a stronger marriage, BUT don't make it too easy for him. He needs to do some suffering for his own good.

No body on this site would or should criticize you because your husband is incarcerated. Some members spouses are incarcerated. We are not here to judge you. We care about YOU and your physical well being. We are here for you to talk to us and we are here to support you. Remember this. We are here for you to vent to and it is safe to do that here because we will hold it in confidence. We love you. We care about you. We want to see the healing of your marriage BUT we don't want you to make things too easy for your husband. It's very important that he does some serious thinking and coming to terms with his past behaviour that landed him in prison. How long will he be in prison?

It took a lot of courage for you to open up to us here about this most sensitive issue you are facing. We recognise that and we want only what's best for you. Has he yet apologised to you for whatever he was done?

Gentle hugs

Rachel

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Dearest Rachel, Moderator from Hell, Your response is one of the exact reasons I have to keep my life private.Since you took this opportunity to publicly shame me and my marriage/husband/choices, which this discussion was not about, I will take the same opportunity to let you know how I feel about your response I will either find a way to block you or I will be removing myself from this site because of you. This isn't the first comment you have made that seems to be a public scolding of someone or even me, this is just the first one that refuse to ignore.

#1 - 2nd paragraph " He has to take ownership of his wrongdoing" Honey, he is in prison and he pled to his charge, not that that is any of your business but he has taken ownership of his wrongdoing. That is not what this post was about.

# 3rd paragraph -"Out of his incarceration could come a stronger marriage, BUT don't make it too easy for him. He needs to do some suffering for his own good." What a rude comment from you. What makes you think my marriage isn't strong? Do you have any clue what prison is like? Especially Texas prisons? I can't even come up with a good comment other than you are rude. Maybe you need to suffer so you can learn to be a more compassionate person. Not to mention how far off you were with this comment. I'm just dumbfounded by your stupidity with this comment. So I am to punish him even more. And that solves what? Again, dumbfounded by this. Are you married? Do you punish your spouse? Have you ever heard of forgiveness and acceptance?

#4th Paragraph - Too long to quote the entire thing but I love how you say "WE" thru the entire paragraph. Who is we? did you sit down with several other members and chose to make this a public chastising of my incarcerated husband? I love how "we shouldn't judge" but then you go on a judge me and assume I have marriage issues and tell me I should punish my husband and make me suffer even more than he does on a daily basis and you all want to see the healing of my marriage. My marriage is healed honey, that is why my husband needs to move closer to home. And "we don't want you to make things to easy" again, who is we and what others agree with you on this comment. Only you signed your name. If there are others, then I need to really make sure I leave this site and not just because of you.

So lets get this straight.... this was not about the length of his sentence which you asked about, its none of your business. Its not about if he has apologized, which you asked about, that is none of your business. This was not about making him suffer or fixing my marriage. Did you not see that I have been the one difficult to live with and yet he has been so good thru it all? Did you even read this? This is about how my illness keeps me from visiting my husband who lives 450 miles away and how we are trying to get him moved closer to home so we can have face to face visits. Yes I write, daily, several times a day, we also talk on the phone daily for your information. Again, this wasn't about this. You know Rachel, I cringe every time you respond to my posts. I read what you put on others and its just scolding. As a moderator its just a horrible way to make people feel in a group.

You and your response are the typical, rude, insensitive, judgemental comments I receive when anyone knows he is incarcerated. If I said he has to live 450 miles away for work, your response would be soooo different. So lets just say we are asking for a transfer so he can be closer to home. For your sake, just pretend that was my comment. Your response would be a way different.

As for the stress it causes me. Every marriage/relationship/job/family etc can cause stress. Do you chastise everyone else for married to someone less than perfect?

Thank you Rachel for judging me like you said you aren't doing. I appreciate it. Now off to find a way to report you and make my decision on leaving this site.

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Thank you!

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Thank you. Yes, you don't need details and I think I made a mistake making this known with this post. and you are right, I shouldn't have to suffer. I thought this group was a little different when I made this post but thank you again for the wishes

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Hi, sorry to hear all of your struggles as well. I am actually finding hope after seeing so many post about their illness, i didn't understand a lot of my illness and this site has opened my eyes to so many things and has actually given me peace of mind that I am not alone and that my symptoms are normal with the diseases I suffer from, I'm getting the best understanding of my Fibro than I ever have before and so grateful when People tell their stories. I hope that the request will be granted so you can stay stronger and find the peace you need in seeing/holding hands/drinking soda's with your hubby. It must be so hard for you not to have your husband to hold on to on the bad days, to not have someone there to give you strength when you are knocked down with pain/illness and it sounds like your visits help you get through your struggles, please keep us posted and I will keep you in my prayers.

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You're in my thoughts and prayers!! *Hugs*

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Hello MrsK

My 1st husband was in prison 7 1/2 years and I only saw him once. It is good that you write each other often. We talked on the phone every other day the calls are so expencize. I will be thinking of you both and hope he can get moved closer.

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Thank you. Yes it would be so much better if he was home. He does his best from where he is and he is very calming for me even when I’m crazy frustrated and not nice to anyone. He is a wonderful husband and being able to see him more would make me feel so much better.

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Yeah the calls are expensive especially in Texas. We have cut down because of the expense but we just miss talking so much. I can’t imagine not seeing him. I miss him too much. I just hope this happens soon.

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I just read the other comments. And my heart goes out to you!! Good for you for standing up for yourself and your husband!! I have an extended family member who's incarcerated and it's horrible!! The system is so NOT set up to help people right/correct/whatever themselves - it does a lot to curse them for ever even being born. I just want to say BLESS YOU for standing beside your husband. We too have a hard time speaking about it, because if she's in prison she must deserve it and must be treat as despicably as possible. Regardless of the "severity" of the wrong doing treating people as lower than dirt and turning a blind eye to all the crimes committed against them while paying their dues or whatever doesn't fix anything. Prisons are a very, very hard place to survive! I pray not only does your husband get moved closer to you, but that you find any and all who will lift and support you through this!! Life is hell enough all on it's own!

Sending hugs and prayers your way!

Butteflydragon

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I shouldn’t blame the group because of one persons hurtful actions and words. That is wrong on my part. Thank you again.

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Thank you. This made me a littke teary eyed. I love my husband because of the person I know he is beyond a mistake he mad in a very dark time in his life. We all make mistakes. Some are horrible mistakes and he will suffer and live with it… Its not my place to make that happen or remind him or make sure he knows he did wrong or make him suffer. As his wife my place is to stand beside him and support him and live the vows I took with him. Jusy because he is incarcerated doesn’t mean he isn’t a husband, son, father, step father, step grandfather, brother, and my best friend. Just like your family member. Everyday they are in prison is a reminder. The couple hours a week they are with family us a reminder they are still a person.
Thank you so much for your kind words.

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Hi MrsK. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. Please continue to do the same and do not give up. I know the stress you feel increases your pain levels. It does for me.

Our daughter was encarcerated for a time and it was hell for us. Believe me when I say that faith and prayer and not giving up has been a true healer of all things involved in this. She is doing so well now that I know it was miraculous. You can expect the same thing. Your husband is blessed to have your loving support.

Now, we need him to be closer to you. That seems like little enough to ask for. Please accept this big ole bear hug from me and know you will be in my prayers.

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Mrs K,I am so very sorry that my response upset you and you found it judgemental. I truly did not write it with that intent.

I certainly hope you will not leave this site for it was designed to support each other and care about each other.

I understand that you are very angry right now and for my part in that anger I am truly sorry.

Gentle hugs

Rachel

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You forgot to include mean. I found it mean. Oh and rude. It was very rude too. Damn right I'm angry at your comment.

At this point in time apologizing won't fix what you said.

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My husband has learned to be a truly amazing husband while being in prison. Sometimes I say he is a way better spouse than I am. I guess because we've done this for a couple of years, I don't feel the stress any more than a regular marriage. If he was home it would be different stress, like who didn't take out the trash, or put the toilet seat down, etc. Just these big things like worry about the move or visits but then again if he was home it would be something else too.

I'm glad your daughter is doing well. That is very good to hear and I'm very glad to hear you stood by her during it all. That is so important.

Thank you for your kind words.