Seeking support and connections

Hi - I joined this site back in spring and even replied to a few posts but then kinda faded out and I don't think I ever made an introductory post or anything, so here goes.

I'm a 40 year old genderqueer woman living in Madison, WI, US. My main diagnosis is fibromyalgia, but of course there's lots of side and sub diagnoses such as migraines, bulging discs in my back, hilatial hernia in esophagus, fun stuff like that. I also have co-existing but not totally related mental illnesses - depression, ocd, and ptsd.Those are mostly in check with meds and the coping skills I learned in my many years of therapy, but they lurk under the surface - and living with chronic illness keeps that surface pretty bubbly!

I've been struggling a bit this past year or so with the limitations of my health issues. For more background, I've had fibro since my teens but was only really disabled and homebound by it all about 12 years ago. It happened suddenly at the time - the worsening of symptoms - but since then it's been a slow decline. I go through the various stages of grief about it cycling mostly back and forth between depression - anger - acceptance. I'm currently struggling with how limited I am and how it seems to get worse rather than better. It's scary to think what will happen if it continues in this regard.

I live with two of my closest friends, which is great. We joke that all put together we make up one real grownup and we all help each other a lot with different things, although I often end up feeling like my health issues mean they're helping me more than I'm capable of helping them.

Up until two months ago, I also had a cat. She was my whole world. As other folks who are homebound probably know, having a pet to be there with you always and to be responsible for and to - it really makes a difference in your world in regards to isolation and feeling like you have a purpose in life. Sometimes it felt like she was the main thing keeping me together - so not having her anymore is definitely adding to the struggle!

So, in addition to the health stuff I'm also grieving pretty hard for my cat. She was like my baby, my best friend, and my soul mate all wrapped in one snuggly little package.

Eventually, we do plan to get another cat but right now I'm just making space for missing the one that was in my life for 16 years.

With my cat gone, I've been finding myself missing my family more - specifically my nieces. I won't ever have my own kids, so being an aunt has become really important to me. I haven't seen them or even heard from them in about 8 months now and it hurts. My brother and his wife are kind of hermits socially, and also really busy with the kids and work and such. So I know it's not personal - but it still hurts to be so isolated from them for so long.

Anyway, this is all probably long enough but I wanted to say hi and that I'm here and looking for some support and connections with other spoonies as I continue to work through all of this. I just spent some time in the chat room, and was glad to see that it's got active participants. Hopefully will be able to connect more here and there!

Hi sophy,welcome to the site! It sounds as if you have a lot to deal with and im sorry you are struggling.Sorry to hear about your cat.Im homebound for the most part and i do miss having company like a pet and i will never have kids and i dont visit or get my family visiting me so i would love to connect with you :)

Hello

I am glad you have shared with us and I look forward to getting to know you.

Welcome back to the family who also love a support you. Please know that we welcome you back and appreciate you pouring your heart out to us about you loss.

I lost my Shitzu a year ago after 13 years and currently thinking of getting another puppy sometime next spring. I know how it is when it takes some time to heal your heart.

Having your two friends in your life is a Huge Blessing, I am glad you have them there for you.

When you talking about no children of your own I can relate to that for sure. I am 62 never had children and my brothers and sisters live about an hour away but they are all busy so I rarely see any niece or nephews. Guess we just keep trying and when they have time for us we have to treasure that little time we get to see them. I do send cards now and then to them, sometimes just a note with a movie gift certificate or a few scratch off lotto tickets. Once in a while I get a call thanking me and sometimes an email.

Well I am wishing you a restful day and have a corner of your room of photos of your cat to look at now and then. I put a little book together of my little Ricco and when I need a boost I look at it. I did make a few short videos on my phone that I watch now and then. Just seeing him run around and bark brings joy to my day.
Pease!
Ron

Thank you for the replies. I appreciate it so much!

Fearski - it's always helpful to have folks who understand how hard pet loss can be. Today we (the one roomie who shared cat caring responsibilities with me and I) went to the Humane Society to drop off some items for donation and took a quick peek at the kitties there. I know we're not quite ready for a new cat in our lives yet, but it was nice to see some of the cat energy anyway.

We are putting some kind of memorial together for our Cleo (that's her in the picture I uploaded btw). We have her ashes and clay pawprints, a bit of her fur, some of her favorite toys, stuff like that. We're thinking maybe a shadow box to keep it all together in one place. For now, it's on a shelf by the sofa and it can be a comfort to touch the pawprints and talk to her.

I think people with kids don't understand how important those kids can to be their childless friends and family members. I know they've got so much else going on in their lives and I can't be their priority, but it can be hard. I can't get out on my own or drive myself places, so I have to wait until a family gathering is planned and usually my mom has to do the work of picking me up and dropping me off - or I have to wait until they decide to come my way for a visit. If I could get myself around, I'd be there every weekend bugging them! lol

Thanks again for the replies!