The time has come

Support
1

After years of pushing through the pain, migraines, multiple surgeries where I always went back to work too soon because I felt like the place couldn’t run without me and trying to catch up was worse … I met with my boss ( our high school principal) and the human resource director of our school district. We met once before when we went through the whole family medical leave act and why it was necessary for me to get them filled out by a doctor to protect my job and be able to use sick time, which won’t be held against me on my job record. Took about 2 months of inept office workers and the doctor to fill it out correctly but it was finally done.

Was able to try sleeping in and coming in later than 7 am, but wasnt always sleeping so I didn’t want to waste my sick hours. I continued to see my therapist who helped me with the guilt involved with calling in sick, etc.

Well, my wonderful boss and HR director called a meeting on Friday and told me I need to think of my health and the wanted me to go on long term disability. Our school district’s insurance company pays 90% of your salary and continue receiving health benefits. I was really worried that my pain management doc wouldn’t think I should stop working, but att Monday appt. she brought it up after looking at me. She signed the paper work right then and there.

I am overwhelmed by having to step down, as it wasn’t the way I wanted to end it. Especially when she stated I wasn’t partially disabled and that “no” I couldn’t go back. More stress, but some relief. What worries me is I want to finish out the school year because there is so much to do and train whoever they will hire to take my place. The stress of training someone and making sure I can remember everything!

I feel very blessed to have worked for a company that takes care of their employees and respects their health. I know there are so many of you that had to quit with no resources available once you left. Guilt again. I was wondering if anyone can help me in the transition from working to not - it should be easy but I’m finding it hard to forsee. Should I look at it like an extended vacation? Or time to heal? SK, Rachel and Petunia, you knew this day was coming - I think you all are psychic!

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Dear Sandi!

I am so glad you are able to go out gracefully, I know the stress was just intolerable!

I don't have any great advice about what to do with yourself, but agree that it surely is time to heal as much as you possibly can, hopefully it will not be as stressful as vacation!

Being through it, we just saw and heard the signs when you were not allowing yourself to see and hear them!

Take a deep sigh of relief!

Big hugs,

SK

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Everyone is telling you it’s time to call it a day!

Sometimes it’s hard to seen the wood for the trees, but often others who are not in your spot can.

it took me well over two years after I had left work to come to terms with a world without work and all that it brings with it.

Probably the most surprising thing for me and the most difficult to adjust to was HOW THE HELL DID I EVER DO ALL THE THINGS THAT I WAS DOING WHEN I WORKED. Even now I am left wondering, and I have to say that I thought that my job was pretty easy. Of course it was not.Even though I spent eight months preparing to leave work it took me at least another two years to adjust.

Good luck to you because now you can concentrate on your health and what helps you best. barb

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hi Sandi,

i too have been on long term disability for few months or more.. and i love it. i didnt think i would because i love to work. But working was stressing me out and not helping with the way i was feeling physically. I had to type alot and the pain was unbearable and was risking bad percdentages regarding my own performance etc.. which was added stress.. so i had to go. I was on short time disability and then had to go into long term disability and my job didnt want to wait for me to get better so they had to terminate me.. I though i was gonna fall apart .. no healthcare.. etc..

but honestly.. not working is helping me ... i have a mini australian shepherd who i love and we go for works or to the park to play.. thats about the only exercise i can do these days. i am now taking online coarses .. im a movie freak so i definitely have time for a movie. and planning where i wanna go next.. or as my friend and i say our NEXT ADVENTURE!! I am not stressing on my job and doing it to the best i can.. i am learning how to have peace. now if i can just get rid of this ugly pain.. .....

hope this helps a little

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Hi Sandy. I went through this same situation last year with my job. I am still trying to figure it all out. I am a nurse and you would think that would make it easier for me, my coworkers and my bosses but it was a very difficult and stressful time for me. I kept going to work until my body pretty much just shut down. I knew in my heart that I couldn’t do the work anymore but it seemed like I just couldn’t let go. It’s hard to believe after all of the years of studying and striving to make a career that it just ends like that. There is a sort of grieving process that you will probably go through.
I am glad you have the support of your doctors and pricipal because that will help make the transition a little easier. I lost my health insurance when I lost my job and I think you are blessed to be able to keep yours.
I applied for SSDI as soon as my fmla was over which was 12 weeks. I had a very difficult time with my short term disability wanting to pay but the SSDI came through fairly quickly.
I want to tell you that things will improve for you without the stress of working but honestly there is no way to know until it happens. Sure it’s great not to have the stress of the job or get up early but the loss of friendship, social interaction and I guess just the sense of purpose you get from a job will be gone. I am struggling with the guilt of not working in a society that values workers and the depression of social isolation.
I’m trying to share some of the positives and negatives so that maybe you will be better prepared for the situation than I was. Please look at it as a time to heal. You will be able to attend doctor appointments when it is convenient for you, work on your sleep hygiene, rest when you need to and maybe resume a hobby or something you enjoy but could never do because of work.
Best wishes Darlene

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My heart goes to you, even though I have not been where you are at, I do know the guilt of feeling not as productive as we expect ourselves to be. I don't know if there is an easy way to accept the harsh reality of having to reframe our lives and our role when pain and physical limitations are calling the shots. I do know, however, that we are usually the hardest on ourselves and expect so much that we may not be able to always see clearly where our goals need to be. You are blessed and leave it at that. Leave the guilt of an unfair world behind you, empathy for others is very different than guilt for something you have no control over. I hope that acceptance comes gently, along with transition, now that others have pushed your hand for you. I don't know if you are familiar with Radical Acceptance, but it simply is accepting the situation for just what it is, you have no control over it, but you do have control over how you react and what you do with it from here.

Gentle Hugs and Support, you were the first friend I a made here! Your Health and Well being is priority for you...I pray the road becomes easier as stress lifts from you.

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I so appreciate all your suggestions and first hand experience. Your so right about the satisfaction and need to do a good job. I’m sure it’ll continue to eat at me and cause more guilt, but I think I can see a end in 6 weeks and try to go out without crying and sobbing. I do need to look at my needs and I just can’t push through the pain anymore. It’s another obstacle that I can’t fight anymore. I want to spend time in bed, get up when I want and spend more time with my family and dog. I hope to get stronger with water therapy and I want to return to reading good books, do some research and LAUGH again. I want to get some of me back : )

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Sandi,

I am sorry to hear of your retirement. It does sound like you had wonderful co-workers. I found it helpful to look at it as time to find my next "career". By that I mean I allowed myself to join different meet up groups (these are groups that center around common interests). I learned poetry, origami, art journaling, drawing. I also looked at it as time to heal and took up swimming again. There is no easy way to deal with the emotions that will come and go. I journal a lot. I also volunteer even if it is only four hours per week.

Good luck to you Sandi

Maria

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Thank you, Nan. I wish I was a teacher - almost went that way for physical ed but fell in love with psychology. Some days I wish I had followed through and became a school psychiatrist as intended, but I was sick of papers and the thought of writing a thesis just wasn’t in my head. I worked for many years in Human Services, Fraud and later as a Housing Specialist, providing low income housing to those in need. My dream was always to coach fastpitch softball and an opportunity came up for a coach, as well as secretary to the principal at our local high school of 750 students. I’ve been our principal’s right hand for the last 16 years. In other words, I run the school and he mentors the teachers. It is the best place to work, which makes it even harder. He always said I couldn’t retire until he did - which is in 3 years. But I’m 9 years older than he is!

To those who taught and had to leave teaching- I can only imagine how hard that is. Educating our future citizens is a job well done!

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I went from one day working to the next day not. My doctor told me it as time to give it up. I quit mid school year in April. I felt guilty as hades because my students needed better. On the other hand, I needed it more. It took a long time to get over this

The best part was the staff at the county office. They filled out all the paperwork for short-term disability. When the time came they filled out everything for long-term disability. I was never without money. Then came SS disability.

Between 2005 and around 2009, all I did was go to doctors and stay in pain. I did force myself around 2007 to get out once a week. Otherwise, I didn’t get dressed or bathe regularly. I was a sick person. It wasn’t all from fibro.

I bought me an iPad and have you guys and my FB buddies. Oh, I also have a boyfriend now who waits on me hand and foot. He is very understanding now but not so much in the beginning. My boyfriend takes me to my doctor appts and we try to get out once a week. Then I come home and crash for several days.

My transition was easy because I was to sick to worry about it. I have been sleeping a lot. I think I CFS, but my GP says it is all the meds I take. I disagree.

Does your work give temporary disability that pays like education? That would be nice. Well, I just read the word school. So you are in the same position I was in. I never even got to go clean out my room.

I wish you the best luck, but when you transition, you really need to take care of yourself . Wee hugs Sandi.

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You can see I didn’t read the other posts. I loved our secretaries! You guys do so much work for so little compensation. God Bless you.

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this is good news Sandi. i have noticed that with out working i still find myself busy. at times it may be hard because u r so used to working. one thing i have done is i find myself staying up late and not going to bed till aroud 2am. i find that this tends to help me sleep. i dont have to get up early so i can got to bed late.

the stress of being up at night in pain and having to wake up early is no longer there. that part is nice. i hope that u can find something to fill up your time. maybe start up a hobby of some sort.

u will have to let us know how to gos.hugs

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Sandi,
I can’t believe it that your job has such good benefits. Obviously, you qualify for them, so why feel bad to use them. My motto is: Work to live, don’t live to work. Give yourself permission to retire.
Congrats,
Connie

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Sandi,

I completely understand what you are going through. About four years ago I was in your place. Unfortunately my company didn't have the benefits that you did which made it more difficult. I did apply for Social Security disability as well and now I received both that and the long-term disability through my company. I, like you found that my job was everything to me. Needless to say, it was night my plan to leave a job that I had enjoyed for the time that I had it to go on disability. I have done numerous things in my career and gone to school for both my bachelors and Masters in social work and to think that it was all going to end because of a car accident years ago in which I sustained a spinal injury and was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia was in my plan. However, we have to remember as I recently heard on TV that what is our plan may not be what is God's plan. Over the time of the last 20 years since my accident I have learned that I have to look at things as "okay this happened now what am I going to do about it". If I keep too much emotion into then I don't make wise, logical decisions and look out for myself. And that is what I did for 20 years I didn't take care of myself. I was working and going through the motions and putting myself through exorbitant pain and for what - only to feel worse. I commend you for doing this and being wise about it because we only hurt ourselves when we aren't. I try to take things very positively now and not let things get me down and enjoy the the life that I have. Yes, granted it is not what I had planned but I am here and I think that's probably says it all. I have deteriorated so much over the last few years and the thought of now going to work each day is just something that I know that would not only be not good for me but not good for the company that I would be working for. Yes, it was an extremely hard adjustment and I have had to find things to challenge me and I would advise that to you, as well because we're so much of our image, self-esteem and existence revolve around our job that we have to find other things to challenge us or we will end up depressed and feeling like things are not worth it. I value this time now because I am able to do things for me which is something that I put on the back burner while working and now I know just really wasn't a good idea. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that try to look at it as a blessing and that instead of it being a negative thing is actually a positive because you're probably extending your life and and possibly even delaying the deterioration a little but. It is so hard when you have made your career your life to give it up. I thoroughly enjoyed what I was doing and it left little time for doing other things or hobbies and I think we need to develop those so that we become a well-rounded person. I now have deteriorated more and so I'm finding I am having to do things more and more from my home. I decided the other day that I am going to try to take some classes because something that I've always wanted to do is go back and to school and learn more or maybe even get my doctorate. I may not use it in the sense that I wanted to when I was working, but, at least I would know that I've done it and I've accomplished the goal that I've always wanted to. It's sort of like the same thing of when I accepted going into a wheelchair. I didn't realize how much I had needed to do that until I did and I realized that I should've done it a long time ago. I think basically it is very hard for us to give up and giving them so to speak and I don't think it's actually that were giving up in the same senses other people might think of it. I think it's more that we are accepting the illness and what it entails. Having an invisible illness makes it much more difficult for not only others to accept, but for us, as well. That acceptance doesn't come easy, but I would encourage you that it is something that you will need to do for yourself. I want to offer that I am here for you to talk to at any time and I enjoy helping others as it helps me, too. Please feel free to message me at any time. I don't get a lot of sleep so I'm up all hours. I would be happy to talk with you and help you in any way that I can. I wish you all the best in this process and I know that like me others are here for you in any way that we can. Take care and good luck.
Lois

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I hope this is what you want.....and not pushing you out. Plus make sure that before you leave their doctors agree that you are disabled enough to get the 90% of you pay and many places it is tax free...so ask about that as well. You are very lucky to one of few with such a great contract. Considering now so many people are being laid off month before they qualify for their retirement so completely changes the amount they will get.

My husband has similar type retirement plan...and even though he was an 'hero' in their eyes when he put his work car in way of DUI driving the wrong direction on freeway....he was hit at speeds over 90 mph and when you see his car there is no way he should have lived...but state doctors refused his disability thought his bosses felt he should get it. So just be careful.His own doctor also agreed he was totally disabled by accident but after 5 minutes with state he said no. Was a joke.

I am sure you worked hard and were well respected..I also felt weird when i left my long term job but i can honestly say that i though i miss my job, i am happy that i can now pace myself more to my body than trying to pace myself so i could work. I never been bored....like some say...many things to do ...volunteering at some where you always wanted too but did not have the time or felt well enough. Or taking classes you always just wanted to for fun of it...many, many things to do for enjoyment!

I did feel bad....though since i had to do in my late forties though i had worked over 20 yrs at the place...but i ended up having some of the best times of my life! So go out and live now!! congrats and sure you deserve it all!!

If you need to talk about transition ...feel free but only thing that might hold you back is guilt...and need to let go of that as soon as you can. but i also went through it so understand and hear if you like to talk about it.

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I had to homeschool two multi-need kids through grade 12, and just when I thought I would be able to go back to work I became very ill. It has been one thing after another. However, going from homeschooling as a professional to "retired" is a similar transition.

I find the biggest difference is the lack of deadlines and projects. The second one was the isolation. I began setting small, achievable goals and noting them on a day sheet so I could check them off as I did them. It gave me a sense of accomplishment. As for isolation, community events, churches, etc. can provide contact with other people.

I would suggest starting with time to heal, since you have been pushing yourself at work. Find some quiet hobbies or books to keep your mind from going crazy. Then build up to goals and community.

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Hi Sandi, you are doing the right thing !! I know exactly how you are feeling… Not going back to my job was the hardest decision I have ever had to deal with, I would wake at 5:30 am and just cry and feel anxious that I needed to get to work…I was one of only three nurses that could do my job, and the surgeons that I worked with for 22 years where calling me and asking when am I going to be back… For three months the nursing supervisors still called me on the weekends to come in, and asking questions about equipment that no one else could answer… Talk about guilt… Finally after 9 months I’m ok with it, accepting that I could no longer do the job I loved was so hard to accept. I have to trust that when one door closes another opens… So I accept that my career in surgery is over, I will always be a nurse & hope to some day be able to help patients again.
Focus on you … And getting to the healthiest place you can possibly be. I realize now, how the stress of my job affected me, I sleep 9 hrs at night now, and I’m able to rest during the day when I need to. I felt so sick after working all day, now I focus on taking my supplements, sleeping and eating healthy, riding my recumbent bike and I feel much better… Not working is not going to cure you, but what I have learned is that living with fibro is a full time job…

Hugs &blessings
dee

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Prayers and Hugs- you are truly blessed to have a boss and company that works with their employees and loves and respects you.

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Hi Sandi,

It saddens me to read your words, as I know how much you loved your job and you worked and worked to keep going, even when you were in pretty terrible shape. I truly hate to say it, Sandi, but I think this day comes for all of us with fibro. It really seems to progress fairly quickly once it hits us. So for you to have held out for so long is nothing short of remarkable. And I'm sorry for you that it had to end this way...but it's time, my friend. You've pushed and pushed your poor body long enough and it just doesn't want to do it anymore.

It was very kind of your boss and co-worker to bring you in and tell you that you needed to look after yourself and go on long-term disability. And even your pain doctor saw this aspect of your illness. Once you've stopped for a while, you'll be surprised at how you managed to continue on with your job when you were feeling so terrible.

Here's what I'm suggesting for you: Set up a schedule to follow, so you don't feel you have no purpose. For instance if and when I ever get my approval letter from SSDI, I'm going to go out for breakfast 1 day a week, go to water therapy 1-2 days a week, and try to do something to keep up my social aspects of life. Now, the reality is, of course, that I have fibro so may not get to do 95% of this stuff but it's the sense of purpose that I think we need, so putting together this schedule will help me feel that I'm still functional, even if I can only complete 5% of it. So that's why I'm suggesting it to you. As a working person, I think you're going to crave that.

I do think, Sandi, that your office will be very relieved that you're now in a better environment, considering your illness, so in regards to that, the office may run better as a result of their relief. Watching you pulling yourself into your office and willing yourself to get around the office when you needed to get/accomplish things was not pleasant for them, I would think. Put that into your mind when you're feeling too guilty.

The other thing is that I think that the stress of a job can make our fibro get even worse. And you don't want to do that to your body. We don't really know the full extent of fibro on our bodies. If it causes our bodies harm, then you don't want to add fuel to the fire by stressing and stressing your body out.

I hope you don't find the transition too stressful. Try to enjoy the time you've been given because, if nothing else, you'll save yourself some of the fibro misery by not being upset.

Feel free to write to me if you're feeling overwhelmed or anything.

Hugs,

Petunia

PS: I've heard that you can find how to do many different activities by watching Youtube. I've wanted to know how to crochet so I'll look on Youtube. You might want to consider this source for ways to deal with your free time.

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Dee,

Boy you said it in your last sentence. So very, very true.

I'm really sorry that you had to give up your nursing job, as I know it's a vocation for nurses BUT the thing is that you DO still get to use your training on here. We value your advice, Dee! What a blessing it is to have you on here, helping us with medical questions, etc. I know it's not a paid gig but your help here is invaluable. Sandi, same goes for you too, although you're not a nurse. So you see, we can still "work" even when we're done with going out to work.

So there you both go, we need you and are happy you're here for us!

Warmly,

Petunia