Thank you Clarah for your lovely words. I can get so caught up with the negative mountains in my life too. So much so that, on occasion, my pain makes me lash out because I also don’t see an end to this awful pain and the turmoil it causes in my life. But I save a little room for hope, or try to. So I’ll save your words so that when I need a little pick-me-up I can reflect on what I do have to be grateful for. Thanks for sharing something positive. I need reminding sometimes.
Beautiful ......
Thanks for sharing Clarah!
Renie♥
Clarah - you don’t have to feel bad that someone interprets it differently than you do. We all probably relate to it as it relates to us. I never even thought about God while reading it. I personally related it to the friendships I have found on this site. Some have family, some don’t, but we all have each other. My faith comes from within, knowing I have pushed through this for so long- I’m not giving up now! Like you said, we may be cracked (and not in the head) but we’re not broken. We all have these terrible days when the pain is do bad and we’re mad at the world and every doctor in it - but I know I’m alive and want to continue that way anyway I can.
I already have 2 tattoos and was thinking about getting another one that says “Sisu.” It’s Finnish for strength, tenacity over the long haul. Very appropriate. Thank you for sharing. Let me know when you get that tattoo - I’ll let you know when I get mine!
Hi Clarah-Wow, what a beautiful heartfelt poem! I see one person had a negative response, based on his own difficult circumstances, which I completely understand, but without hope we have nothing.
Your poem represents your feelings and you will always do well with your positive attitude.
Best, Michael
Thank you! I know each person has their own struggle but in the same sense we need to support each other. I know I can't undo damages that have been done by prior people in this persons life but I can be a friend (if allowed) and I am a good listener. I try my best to keep a positive attitude towards everything although its sometimes more difficult than I care to admit but at least I try! I know he may not think so but he does have strength,otherwise he wouldn't have made it this far. I have hope for everyone, even if they don't for their self. Sending well wishes to all. <3 -Clara
That sounds awesome! As soon as I get mine done I will let ya know!
I took your poem to be an optimistic message, Clarah.
GLTA
clarah,
I praise you for the fact that you were able to find words that mean and provide to you. I glad you were able to share them with others. I have no anger towards you or your poem. I guess I read it at a time when I was particularly vulnerable and I responded.
I appreciate the fact that you find ways to express yourself.
Peace.
Marc
I completely understand Marc... We all have days that seem as if we arent going to make it through. Today is one of those days for me. I am having to stay in bed due to pain and then it also marks the anniversary of my brother n laws death. He was more of a brother to me than my actual biological brothers. We went through so much together from our kids being born 9 days apart, graduating high school together, he was one of my best friends for the longest time. It's a very hard day for our entire family and it makes me wonder about things. We are living daily, although in pain, while there's some that don't have that chance. Life is taken from them without any notice or explanation. The 24th is the grand jury start date for the drunk driver that killed him. I can only pray that justice will be served. I hope today finds you at peace and you are feeling at least somewhat better.
Definitely feeling better today. I do not understand why my body is so sensitive to changes. I ran out of a medicine that I thought I had another bottle of. When I discovered that I didn't I had my doctor call it in to my local CVS. They called back in the afternoon telling me the last time I had that Rx filled there, it was a $0 co-pay. However, today, it is $900. Obviously, I had that Rx canceled, had my doctor call it into my mail order pharmacy ($15 for three months) and requested a week's worth be filled at my local CVS. They wanted to charge me $70 for 14 pills. Now, my father was a pharmacist for 56 years and I know how overrides work. They were trying to screw me. Meanwhile, the longer it took to sort this out, the longer I was going without my meds. About 2:00 PM, my body stopped working like it had twice previously in the past month. Each of those episodes last four days where I could barely open my eyes, was hypersensitive to sound, smell and light, couldn't eat, walk the dog even with a scooter), etc.,
Fortunately, a day later and I am now 75% better. I have my ex and my daughter to thank as my ex picked up my Rx and my kid asked me if there was anything she could do and I asked if she could pick up a bunch of gatorade. I've been living on that stuff since yesterday and I feel much better.
Also, today I received an email from my last girlfriend checking in to see how I'm doing and just writing to say hello. This is something she hasn't done in the ten months since she dumped me. Curiouser and curiouser.
So, yes clarah, today does find me at peace and feeling, at least, somewhat better. I beg you to cling to those things that bring you peace and joy. My heart goes out to you on the loss of your brother in law. Special people never die. they just live in our hearts.
Hi Clarah-
You may not have imagined doing this, but you obviously have touched so many people on this website
in a positive way with your poem. Including myself.
Best to you and your family,
Michael
Thank you! I am happy it helps or encourages others in any positive way at all! I know I have to keep reading it several times a day just to make myself believe it. Wishing you well, Good night,.
I am happy that you're feeling somewhat better. I hope your progress continues to go in a positive direction. I would have to add, I would def be curious about the ex sending the email. esp if she hasnt contacted you in 10 months.. maybe she's regretting what she's left or something?
Its horrible that your meds are so expensive. My insurance is through my husbands work and it covers the majority of mine. I did have to start on 4 new medications this week though. The only downfall to his insurance is that we have to use his workplace (which is a hospital) to get our scripts filled and they are only in mon-friday. So if something happens on the weekend, we cant get anything filled.
Dear Marc,
For all that you deal with, by nature, you are a very positive minded man. I know how hard you have fought to get well, of all the procedures and operations you have undergone in your fight to be well and productive. I know that if there was a way to be at all of your daughter's games and functions, you would be there with bells on! I imagine the pain you are dealing with has to be absolutely intractable, the frustration off the charts! it's okay to have days when the positive stuff is just not happening! It's okay to be much less than optimistic!
I understand the frustration you suffer with family too! It just doesn't make anything any easier, does it? Even in a perfect world with the perfect supportive family and friends, the pain itself is crushing, the dysfunction is infuriating!
We all go through it, every single one of us struggle every moment of each day, and somehow we manage to throw off all the negative stuff, and the good stuff is back in place, we are pushing through and looking up! Most of us push through with the love of a child in mind, what better reason could there be?
I'm sending you a big hug, Bud, hoping that something very positive is in your future in terms of your back!
Big hugs,
SK
And gentle hugs to you Marc, for all you have gone through and are going through. It's hard to be positive when things are bad but I know we'll make it.
Thanks SK. I am actually and surprisingly feeling about 90% better today. Yesterday around 4 PM, my sister, God bless her, yelled at me for not eating enough. The conversation is funny enough because she has been anorexic for the better part of thirty-five years. However, she is a nurse focusing on nutrition so she is a great resource. The conversation went like this:
Karyn: "How much have you eaten today?"
Marc: "I forced a bowl of granola down this morning."
Karyn: "What time?"
Marc: "I guess around 7:00
Karyn: "Marc, that was nine hours ago! How are you going to get stronger if you don't eat"
Marc: "I've also been drinking Gatorade."
Karyn: "That means nothing. You need to eat - food. Good, healthy food."
Marc: "ok"
Karyn: "ok? What does OK mean?."
Marc: "It means I'll eat"
Karyn: "What are you going to eat when you hang up the phone?."
Marc: "Probably a couple of greek yogurts."
Karyn: "Marc - you need protein - like eggs. Do you have eggs?"
Marc: "Yes, but I cannot eat eggs today."
Karyn: "Why not?"
Marc: "Because I cannot stand up for the three or four minutes it takes to make the damn things. You know, I'm going to eat the yogurts and in an hour or so, I'll make an onion bagel and top it whitefish salad. That's protein, right?"
Karyn: "Do you have any idea how much fat is in whitefish salad. they add mayo for crying out loud."
Marc: "Nectar of the Gods, Kar, nectar of the Gods."
Karyn: "Let me know when you have finished eating the bagel and I want to know if you are going to eat pretzels or anything else tonight, ok?"
Marc: "OK, Big Brother, I mean Big Sister."
Karyn: "Haha. Do you want to get better?"
Marc: "I love you, Karyn. Thanks for caring!"
I certainly hope so. Here's hoping things move in a positive direction.
I can understand how you feel - so many ditch because they can't handle it or understand it. I have 15-18 chronic illnesses, and it is very revealing when people stay or ditch. I, too, have argued with God. As long as you continue to argue or talk with Him, your relationship with God will resolve.
Meanwhile, here we will not ditch on you! We stand by each other.
I'm so sorry that you have had to go through the dark side of fibro. It really stinks. My extended family decided I was a hypochondriac and avoided all contact. I missed my father's death, my mother's death, and trust between my brother and I is broken. I am primarily housebound due to allergies and So Calif smog - can't breathe, can't move.
Still, that is why we need each other on this group, and to speak of both sides of fibro is important. It is a beautiful poem, but one that reflects our dreams, not always our reality.
I am so glad you are here.
Hugs,
Scribelle