Haven’t been posting lately, but have tried to keep up with reading at least some of the posts. Been trying to focus on me more the last couple of weeks. I was trying to work on some decluttering/cleaning tasks that have been bugging me for a while. Bit by bit I keep at it and slowly am making progress. Then this week I have made a huge mess of things but it will eventually pay off - I hope anyway!
I have been selling craft and sewing supplies and vintage items on Etsy for a little while now. Mostly just treasures I have gathered up over the years and now am passing on. Some of them are things I have picked up with selling in mind. And this week I have been making a push to get more things listed - eventually it will clear out some things here and add to the bank account.
I finally broke down and set up some advertising. I am hoping it will draw in some more buyers but it makes me really nervous. I haven’t done it in the past as I have been afraid to commit to even the basic level of advertising - there is so much I can spend that $30-45 on each month that I have struggled to justify using it for advertising. But I need to do something to grow my shop and increase my income. So I took a major leap of faith and set it up.
Hard some days to see that I am making any progress with any of it. But that is why I am working to get the shop up and running. With it I can work at my own pace - taking it easier when the pain or fatigue are bad, etc. The last few weeks I have been mostly selling what I had listed last summer/fall. This week listing has provided a means of distraction from things with mom - now tonight even that isn’t working.
She went in for her first chemo treatment and to get the results of her PET scan. They didn’t do the chemo. The PET scan showed a spot on her lungs. So instead she will go in next Wednesday for another biopsy to see if the spot is cancer, etc. Grandma said the other day that mom was telling her how supportive the doctors, nurses and everyone was, how much she has heard from all the cousins, the neighbors are checking on her, etc., etc. and made a point of saying it was a good thing too cause her family sure wasn’t - she had heard from my youngest daughter a “time or two” but the rest of us apparently had written her off and didn’t care. Which isn’t true at all, but garners her sympathy when people don’t know the truth.
Tonight I tried to message her but she isn’t responding, I finally got 5 words from her. I would say it’s because of the news she got today except she visited quite a bit with my grandma and then later with my daughter - and that one I know wasn’t tense or strained, it was quite friendly and lively. Oh well, I can’t change it. I tried and that is all I can do.
I hope you all are having a good week and are warmer than we are!
Hi SK, I think it’s possible your mom took a “ how to make your daughter feel shame and guilt” classes from my mom. Although my mom has been really nice these past few months. Your mom , I’m guessing, is experiencing fear, possible guilt, anxiety etc about the unknown and she’s taking it out on you. Your character is based on your heart. Your mom can tell anyone anything about you, but when your grandma, cousins, friends etc. see that your heart is kind and loving, they will silently evaluate what the real truth is. Taking care of your needs is not selfish nor wrong. In fact, it’s very good. Others will see this and hopefully realize they they too, need to take a step back and care more about themselves. How is little Kori doing?
Oh Freedom, I think my mom wrote the book on shaming and guilt-tripping! And seems no matter how hard I try not to let her get to me, she still can.
Grandma and I both agreed that she is likely dealing with some major fear, anger, anxiety and all the rest you would facing cancer like this, but we haven’t seen a difference between how she is acting now and how she has ever acted. Which is sad.
Grandma talked to her first on Wednesday and she told mom "you have some phone calls to make then, or would you like me to make them? And mom asked her who she would need to call - when Grandma told her your family, mom told her “I don’t have any family and you know it! They don’t care about me, so why should I call them?” She told grandma that she could call us if she wanted to, but she (mom) wasn’t going to - we didn’t care, so she wasn’t wasting her time. And she didn’t. Thanks mom.
On to happier notes! Miss Kori is doing well. She is getting so big. I’ll have to try to get a picture of her for you. I woke up hurting so much this morning, not unusual, but this morning seemed more intense than usual. Both dogs curled up right beside me while I rested. Often in the mornings I will wake quite a while before I actually get up - taking that time to slowly move and stretch, getting things to ease up before I tackle the day (maybe!). Kori will usually bring me her favorite toy during that time and we will play “tug” - she won’t pull hard, but just gently tug and help me stretch. This morning though she didn’t, I think she knew instinctively that mama needed something different.
Hi, Struggling!
Thank you for the update. It can be so difficult to love family or friends when they are spreading untruths about you. Especially when you’ve been supportive and explained that FMS puts limits on how much you can physically do. I’m sorry you are going through this. But, I’m very glad you have your precious Kori to make you smile each day! Please hang in there! Saying prayers for you, your mother and family!
