long term grief group that is as kind & supporting as this place?
My brother drank his liver to death & I am trying to deal with the ANGER of him committing a slow & very painful suicide & SADNESS of him becoming an Angel in less than a year. M
My heart goes out to you
HUGGGGS
Suzie
Hello Luna,
I am sorry that I can't help you here, as I am in uk. I hope someone might know of an organisation, I can only suggest you look on-line, or ask your Doc. It is an awful thing to deal with, and I know you are a strong person who has always been kind and helpful to our members on here. My thoughts are with you.
Take care, Anne
Luna, that is a terrible burden to deal with. I'm so sorry. I will make some inquiries.
Sending soothing thoughts your way,
Seenie
I’m so sorry to hear, Luna, dear. My deepest condolences on this tragedy. You can bring your grief here, too. We’re all here for you. Hugs.
Luna,
My heart goes out to you and I have been in your shoes. My brother never took good care of himself, lived to drink and went from job to job. I tried so many interventions, spent tons of money to try to save him and just like your brother he took his life.
I have been a school counselor for years, thought I could save the world and couldn’t save my own brother. I was devasted, thought I had failed as his brother and the promise I made my mother on her death bed to take good care of him. My other siblings who are successful with families disowned him years ago.
After he took his life I thought I could help myself through the guilt and pain. I like you sought out help and was directed to a support group along with a one on one therapist I saw for a while. It is a huge burden on us and once you start hearing that we are not alone it will guide you in the direction you need. Every community has these groups, I found mine through United Way. Also, many churches have groups and even hospitals and they are all free.
For me it took me a while to realize that no matter what I did the ending would of been the same. My brother was not open to receiving help and it put a Huge wedge between us which I know regret. The group helped me realize that I was there for him 100% and that’s all we can really do for individuals Lind our brothers. Even though we think we can change them, we can’t. My therapist who I ended up seeing every two weeks for 12 sessions ( luckily my insurance covers 12 sessions) was great. He let me openly discuss, yell slam books on how pissed I was that he took his life. My anger was HUGE. Then once we got beyond the anger I told my story and how it made me feel. After a few weeks I started realizing I was not as angry, sad and moved on from those feelings. One of his sessions was actually held at the grave site. He walked me through a Wonderful session. I got to express how I wanted to ( cure him) make things better. I told my brother I would of done anything to change the outcome but I couldn’t. I told him how I felt about what he did, told him That I wanted answers but realize only he holds those. By the end of the 30 minutes or so I said I may not understand why, but that you know I loved you and will always focus on the times before you took the direction you did.
The therapist said typically he has clients go do this in their own, but since he know I pretty much had the same degree he does that he would meet me at the grave.
I know this has been a long story to tell of my life and what I went through. I hope you know and will soon realize that we can’t blame ourselves and that we need to move past the act of suicide. Our strength comes from moving forward, not asking for answers and to know deep in our hearts they knew we were there if they were ready to allow us to intervene.
I decided to create (scrap booking) a memory book. The cover has his Birth photo with him on a blanket like hospitals use to take. The title is I’ll always remember you! In the book I put photos of us growing up, fun times, wrote silly things we did as a kid growing up and up to the point in his 30’s where he took a different path. I had his yearbook and used photos of what people said about him, his athletic accomplishments and so on. I treasure that book and the life we had before he took the other path, the therapist said holding onto that is the only way to continue to heal.
Wishing you the best and I have faith you will be where I am today. You sound like a wonderful sister with a huge heart.
Ron
Thank You.
My Sis moved to Neb Cty to take care of Dad. Our brother moved up there to be close to family & help Dad when he could. He recently retired ummm 4yrs ago. He hasn't children so his nieces & nephews have included him into their happenings as much as he would let them. He is 66, his liver is failing & his kidneys are septic, his brain has made him loopy of which he thinks he is on pain meds, Real Good Meds & that there is nothing the matter with him. My Sis has become his accidental caregiver. She cannot leave him alone, when she goes to the store or her appts, One day she went to an appt & found out he & his truck were gone, when he finally did come back he parked in the middle of her front yard. She parked his truck between the garage & his old truck. Dad has to go over & Son sit. Dad is 97. She must constantly remind him that he is dying of liver failure, she has to make sure he takes his meds, teach him over & over how to use & clean his catheter, remind him to eat....she has to do EVERYTHING on top of her OWN ailments & Dads'! I was gone for a week my son & I went down to pack up his apt. His bathroom was covered in vomit & blood & since neither bothered me I offered to clean it. Took me 2days to get it clean & sanitized.& like most of you here, I have multiple ailments, one of them is vertigo. I went to pick up what looked like empty totes only to be surprised that it wasn't the case & I tipped over forward, from then on I was Allowed to sit & pack. I called Sis lastnight & asked how was she doing & she said could I come down & give her a break. Beginning early next week I will be off the web. I will be taking my little doggie & lots of books!
There are times when I just bawl & bawl & bawl.
I am 12yrs younger than my Bro, Will he listen to me??? I don't want to be Angry at him, I don't want him to think to himself "Why is she Grumpy w/me?",
I want to be Nurturing & Loving & tease him about his goofiness & I want him to talk to me, I'll sit next to him & hold him in my arms & rock him & cry with him.
Luna, do try to keep in touch here if you’re at all able. And if you’re not able, I think it wouldn’t be unreasonable for you to seek grief counseling. Can your Primary help you find a counselor wherever you’re going to be staying? I just can’t imagine you being without an outlet at this time.
Hugs.
Hello Luna,
Thank-you so much for sharing your story with us, I do feel privileged, it a hard thing to do, but so cathartic. You must continue to do so if it helps. Our lovely members are reaching out to you, as well, that is what is so great about this community. You are in my thoughts, and i wish you well.
Take care, Anne
I am ahead of you on this. Before I went down there the 1st time, I msgd one of my classmates from High school & asked her if it was okay for me to call her if things got ugly. This time I msgd her & said if you answer the phone & you hear bawling on the other end, it will be me.
BaltimoreBaby said:
Luna, do try to keep in touch here if you're at all able. And if you're not able, I think it wouldn't be unreasonable for you to seek . Can your Primary help you find a counselor wherever you're going to be staying? I just can't imagine you being without an outlet at this time.
Hugs.
Luna, I’m so glad you have a good friend to lean on at this time. You are always so helpful to all here in time of greatest need. I’ve sent you a friend request. Please accept.
Hugs!
Laurie
Luna02 said:
I am ahead of you on this. Before I went down there the 1st time, I msgd one of my classmates from High school & asked her if it was okay for me to call her if things got ugly. This time I msgd her & said if you answer the phone & you hear bawling on the other end, it will be me.
BaltimoreBaby said:Luna, do try to keep in touch here if you’re at all able. And if you’re not able, I think it wouldn’t be unreasonable for you to seek . Can your Primary help you find a counselor wherever you’re going to be staying? I just can’t imagine you being without an outlet at this time.
Hugs.
Update Brother is losing the battle Dad & I took the 1st shift talking to him holding his hand just being there. It may take 3 days or 3Hrs. I’m in a lot of pain cannot sleep using TENS Unit. Tomorrow I will be the 3rd shift. I’m learning a lot. M
Thinking of you at this time, Luna. Sending you strength and comfort.
Laurie
Brother became an Angel on Tuesday the 1st of March.
No more pain, no more catheter, no more confusion.
Peace, Love, Contentment, Safe.
Luna
I will be thinking of you.
Hello Luna,
I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.
Take care, Anne