I'm just purging on here because I can't do it in the other two more public places I usually think out loud, Facebook and my blog. I got pretty much the shock of my lifetime last night. I communicate by email and FB frequently with a very dear friend I consider a soul sister We're states apart, but we met in high school and have been close ever since. We've even traveled abroad together, she lived with me in high school for a short time when her mom was a little flaky.... H is my oldest friend in every sense of the word.
I found out last night that H has cancer. Not the "We can beat this", kind, either. She lost her mom to ovarian cancer a few months ago, so the doc got her in right away for tests when she found a lump in her breast. It's Stage 4, which means it's metastasized to her lymph nodes and bones. She has no idea how long she has to live. She's not really symptomatic or hurting, but she wanted me to know and wanted to tell me she loves me.
I'm still in shock, I think. It doesn't even sound real when I say it. It doesn't feel real to think about. It doesn't look real to type this. H, my fun, crazy, witty, bright, resourceful, talented, strong soul sister is going to die. All I can think is "Hang on, dammit, hang on long enough for me to save enough money to fly there and see you again." Then I feel guilty and selfish for thinking that. I know it's normal, that these things I'm feeling is a normal progression, but the feelings are still there. I think of seeing her again and wonder how I'll be able to do it, knowing it will be the last time I ever see her.
I have to stop now and concentrate on work or I'll make myself flare with thinking so much about it. But I'm definitely saving every penny I have to visit H as soon as I can.
Awww hon.. my heart goes out to you.... I have not, as of yet had a close friend die.... My parents are gone, but that is not the same as losing a close dear friend... if you would like to chat.. add me as a friend .. and I will chat with you .. anytime you need me... huggggs
Ah Meg,
I’m so sorry… Life can be so cruel, and we can’t possibly understand the why … Why her , why the big C, I know you must be overwhelmed with emotions !
I will keep H in my prayers & pray you get to see her
Meg....so very sorry to hear this sad news. I have lost several very very close people to me...One of my dearest and ended up marrying into the family; kept it hidden that the cancer came back and she was going to go....To this day, I feel so upset that I didn't get to hug her or at least be on the phone and say I love you...Don't beat yourself up if you can't make it due to money or other things going on...You still got her now and just being able to share funny stories you shared, hearing her voice, and typing the things you want to say to her but can't on the phone.. If you get the opportunity to hug her in person; give her an extra hug....for those of us that never got to say our good byes...
I'm sorry that I missed this when you first posted! I'm so very sorry for you, so sorry that these hereditary diseases continue to plague us! We always think we are so advanced, but not advanced enough when up against such a monster! I know it still does not seem real, it never will!
I really hope that you are able to go see her soon, while she is still as you know her, but like Sissy said, don't beat yourself up, if you cannot! Maybe she can come to see you! You have been very fortunate to have each other through the years, I know that you will be a source of great strength to her.
