Going back to work. I am really scared

General
1

Due to problems at home i am being forced to go back to work. i work with childrren and it scares me to b working with them again and having people rely on me to b at work each day. thanks to the fibro i cant do a job where i sit or stand so childcare is the only option for me. i have applied for disability but was denied twice. i was hoping with that after i got it i could finally see the drs i need to and get on some meds to help my pain annd to help me sleep.

i have 2 interviews monday and i am not sure how open i should b about my condition. the one family has already told me(told me today) that even without meeting me they r very interested and she scheduled the interview so she can meet with me 1st. my mom wants me to hide everything but my asthma. i dont know ifs that good or not. i feel like i should b open about the fibro so that if they see me day after day in pain they will not think something horriable is wrong.

paart of me wants to work but only for short periods at a time. i miss working with kids. i have not wanted to go back to work full time cause i dont think i can b counted on. i am so worried i will start and then get fired due to being admitted to the hospital. that is why i lost my last job i was admitted 3 times in less than a year. i dont blame them for firing me but i would hate for that to happen again.

the family who wants to hire me has twins who r almost 2. it doesnt scare me to have twins its just i would have to start at 5:30am and work till about 6pm. both parents r school teachers so thats why the early hours. they do have a 10year old but it wasnt clear how much i would have her. the mom did say she is aa great help but i have now idea if i will have her after school or not. i only know i will have her on days off and when she is sick.

if u could let me know what i should tell the parents about my health that would b a great help.

2

Hi Eeyoreluver, I don’t know what exactly you should tell them but you need to have a discussion with them. You also need to be honest with yourself about whether or not you can work full time, especially with those demanding hours. . You are providing a service to them that is very important to them and I imagine that you missing time at work would have a very negative impact on your employers as they would have to secure alternative child care on short notice, which can be very difficult. You do not want to get in a position where you get a bad reference for future employment. It’s a lot to consider and think about. I hope you can work something out that will be good for you and any employer. Hugs, MB

3

Eeyoreluver,

Hi there! I admire your strength to try to go back to work. Personally, I do not see how you can go to fulltime. that's only my opinion ( based on my illness). Suggestion: try it for part time at first and see how you do.

Have you ever thought about seeking work through your County/State BOE. In my state, (MD) there is a an morning/afternoon daycare through either your school Board of Education, or through a Childcare agency. Anyway, they here pay really good, it 2 hours in the morning, and 3-1/2 in the afternoon. Also, you could consider working as a Lunch Aide for the School System 3.75 or 4.0 hours a day. When I tried this, it was too physical for me. But, if I tried today, I could probably do it better.

I know you feel you are deceiving them, but if you tell them you have an illness they are not going to hire you. I know it's a lot of hassel, but maybe you could consider doing day care in your home, and watching one or two children. There are a lot of tax write offs for doing that, should you consider it. That way, you would be home, you could nap when you put the kids down.

Rest....resting & exercise helps our illness so much. Because of exercising I'm so much better today, and have more endurance (thanks to my supplements) and God Blessing me. I'm able to do more.

Have you also thought about any of the work-at-home jobs there are available? I can send you loads of links? And, Merchandiser jobs, where you go in and work in a store for 2-3 hours, and get paid between $10-$14 a hour. If you want some links. Email me personally, ■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■

Wish you the best in your decisions. God bless you.

4

Eeyoreluver, what about your most recent attempt to get SSDI? Did you just find out that your lost the case or are you still waiting to hear? When we last spoke, you were still waiting to hear.

If you've been denied - AGAIN - and I can't possibly see why, now that fibro is an accepted disability, then I guess you'll need to find SOME way to bring in money. But watching children? Full time? While you're in horrific pain? I can't see it ending well.

If you were going to work for a daycare center that at least had a few other people who could kind of cover for you when you took ill, I could better understand it. But working for parents who use you solely as a means of watching their children, it's going to be unfair to them, in my opinion, if you need to take off regularly due to your illness. They could lose their jobs as a result of not having a babysitter.

Wouldn't a daycare center, infant room or the 6-7 year old room, be a somewhat better fit? I hope you're not going to be stuck watching TODDLERS? They're just complete little wiggle-worms with no sense of fear and the ability to get into tons of trouble. I did it myself, briefly, while ill with fibro, and it was AWFUL. I'm sure you know exactly what it'd be like with little kids, Eeyore. I just feel so badly for you being stuck in this situation.

The hours of the full-time job are horrific - 12 hours??? For a chronically sick person? No. If you MUST work, part-time would, of course, be the better choice. At least then you'd have more down time to "recover."

You would be better off being a companion to an elderly person. At least they don't move around much. Most of the time, you just sit around watching them sleep. Have you considered this option? If you do it without working thru an agency, you could make decent money, too. And at least be RESTING for much of the day.

Please let us know what happens. And let us know what happened with your most recent disability claim. I'm going to be flummoxed if you were denied, unless they haven't yet decided to start using the new federal SSDI guidelines???

5

I know exactly how you feel. I feel forced to work now more than I can cope with, if I can get enough being self-employed. But the disability people (who I have to appeal against) here now have the attitude, if you can (even if it kills you), you will. (Bunch of a-holes!)

I used to work with special needs kids when I got ill with the fibro, after a car accident, and I miss them a lot too. I think, if you can manage it, you will love it and feel better in yourself.

However, I don't know if you will be able to work full time. That may be a bit too ambitious, and you will likely be more ill than you want to.

Wow - 5:30am to 6pm... I really couldn't imagine it myself. That is a toughie! I wouldn't even be able to manage that so I don't know what to say sweetie. That is a bit much for you isn't it? I'm guessing thats 5 days a week too. Corr, I would only offer 3 to start with and see how it goes. Maybe tell them because of your illness you couldn't guarantee 5 days a present, but would like to help as much as you can.

Good luck with this!!

6

As a former teacher, a child care giver would have to be the least of my worries once established. Please be honest with yourself and these people. I feel for you and am sorry you haven’t gotten your disability yet, but these people need someone more realible than us. I just woke up and haven’t even been able to muster the strength to bathe today. I know you’ve had these days. What will you do? Maybe part time is best.

I just wish you the best hon.

7

Hi there!

I also had the beckoning of the job world come over me. I had been on SSDI since 2002 I thought that I was "better". Okay, well good enough to do a sedentary job, like answering the phones or something. At this point I was on SSDI just over 4 years and on LTD for the same amount of time. So, believe it or not, I got the job, a free trip to California for training and a chance to prove to myself that I can do this! The first 6 months or so were great! I got into the swing of things, no problem. Then after the holidays, it hit me...I was BORED!!! Yeah, I had a pretty simple job, but I was on the phone with other branches of the company on an hourly basis. (I worked for a Temp Company.) So then, in my infinite wisdom, I decided I needed more of a challenge. So I asked around at the company I was working for and they said that I was a little to green to make the next step. Since they decided that, I looked outside the company and found, what I thought at the time, was a great opportunity! It was making cold calls to companies to see if they were interested in our services. (Yeah I know...) There were quotas to be made each month and I worked my behind off to try and make them. I volunteered when I could and asked for help when I needed it. Then the sixth month hit me like a sledgehammer! I was overwhelmed and felt out of my league! I did everything to try my best! I read multiple books on how to sell confidently, asked coworkers what worked for them. Sat with those people to see what their style was like. And then it all blew up in my face!!!

Between my fibromyalgia and my bipolar disorder (oh yea I didn't mention that part did i?), I was having delayed pain reflexes, couldn't sleep, drank as many caffeinated drinks as was possible before I would get all jittery. I couldn't close a call for appointments for demonstrations of the products for my business manager. Then one day, just before lunch, I broke down in my cube! Immediately went to my supervisor's office and started questioning what I was doing there, why did I think I could handle this, what am I going to do??? I finally told my boss that I had bipolar disorder (but not the fibro). He then went to his supervisor and asked me to sit in he's office so I had some quiet while waiting. About 10 minutes later, I was called in and I reiterated what I had told my supervisor, while in tears. The supervisor saw how upset I was and told me to take the rest of the day off and think about my place in the company.

This is your situation, should I or shouldn't I go back to work? I would say it all depends on how you feel. If you are up to dealing with a bunch of children at once (who are very demanding) and you don't mind, that is great! Go for it! But on the other side, do you want to give what little energy you have to do this, I would take some time and think of the pros and cons. Write it down and see what you come up with.
So, I did just that. I came back to work in a new, improved state of mind. "I can do it!" I honestly believed it, well for a few weeks anyway. couldn't do it anymore!!! I had to go on Short-term Disability. (Oh and by the way, if your STD and LTD are through UNUM, good luck, they are real pains in the butt. So much so, that they are being sued for turning down LTD claims with no true reasons behind it, just that they didn't want to.) Okay back to the story.

I was a mess! I fought and fought UNUM for months to transfer my STD to LTD, and they had tried to pull me into this black hole of paperwork that I had to send to them over and over again. Finally, I couldn't fight them anymore, and had to give up. The best part of the whole thing is that I didn't work there anymore and that I could open back up my claim at SSDI! It took a year for it to finally go through, but I got it!

I guess, the lesson here is don't give up! Keep fighting to get your SSDI, get a SSDI lawyer (they only get money if you win an award, in case you didn't know), talk to your doctors and your support system.

Sorry that this got a little long. I hope this helped.

8

Tricky! I also have those days where bathing is an option rather than a necessity. You just brush your hair into a ponytail, wash your face and any simple, slimed down ablutions you do on days like that. I also wear my most comfortable clothes those days.

Tricky has a very good point. If you are willing to take the time to do all of this in the AM, as well as all your home duties and taking care of your fibro. Then it sounds like this will be a great opportunity for you.

9

i only wanted to work part time but this family needed someone to start last week. i didnt apply for this job she found me on the nanny site and i couldnt see anything about the job till after i gave her my number.

i only applied for part time before and after school jobs. i am really scared to work as a nanny even part time. my mom is the one paying my bills and she started a new job and is struggling so the pressure is on me to find a job asap. i cant ask them to work less days. both parents r school teachers thats why the hours. they do have a grandma who can come if needed. trust me this is not what i want.

i dont want to work at a daycare because it would b way to much work. being a nanny i would only have the 2 boys and i could control what we do everyday so if i am in pain i can choose wether or not to go outside and what activites we do in a daycare u do what is planned and u r busy all day even at naptime u have things to do around the class room.

i am still waiting for the disability the appeal was just sent out a month ago. so it will b awhile b 4 i know anything. part of me thinks that working again may help keep my mind off the pain. i dont like the 12 hour days but that will only b 2 days a week the other days will b shorter. i will know alot more tomorrow. my interview is at 1pm.

thank you all for responding so quickly. i am so nervous about working again but i wont know what its like till i do it. i hope i dont disappiont them. i know i can push through the pain but i am worried about doing that week after week and what thatwill do to me. if i had a choice i would not go back to being a nanny but its the only job where i control what i do and when.

10

Wendy, I had trouble getting my STD turned into LTD. In fact, it flat out didn't happen, although I paid for the insurance while I was still working. Don't know if it was with UNUM or not but if so and if it's a class action lawsuit, I'd love to get some $$$ for their BS.

I give you a lot of credit for trying to work again. Of course we want to be part of the world again but we're ill and we can't. I'm just really glad that you got your SSDI claim reopened. Good for you!

11

Yes its hard to work for companies for us. Thats why I'm self-employed. We can manage ourselves and the illness better. But at least I'm only part time and can choose the days. Your scenario seems quite demanding hours wise, but you know yourself a lot better and you sound quite confident. You can only try I guess. I hope it all works out for you.

12

Whoa, whoa, slow down girl! Can't you just politely turn them down and say you're looking for p-t work? And then wait for someone to call with p-t work? You're not obligated to fix other people's childcare problems, Eeyore. Your only obligation is to yourself. So why not wait for a better job to come along? I just know that the 12 hour days will do you in very quickly. Maybe 4 hours a day would work, but 12???

I understand that your mom needs help but wouldn't the p-t work help? I'm just so worried that this is going to be untenable for you, Eeyore. At least if you do p-t, you might be able to hold onto the job longer term. That counts more than 4-5 weeks of a full paycheck.

HUGS to you, my friend!!! Please do what's best for you!

Petunia

13

I agree with Petunia Girl on this one.

14

Thank you I know I have to look out for myself. I am worried but I am hoping it will b ok. Only 2 days that will b long but she said she wasn’t sure if she would need me that long. But they just moved and she doesn’t know how long it will take to get home.

15

Eeyore, just remember that you can only make about $1,000 a month if you're applying for disability. Otherwise you won't be eligible for disability.

And good luck. Take care of yourself, my friend.

16

i did get the job. i did tell them about the fibro. i also learned that i wont b working till 6:30 at night. the only reason i excepted was even though i have to start at 5:30am the boys will not b up till around 8am and they take 2 naps still so i will have alot of down time. i know it will b hard with 2 two year old boys while they r awake. i think that being able to rest for periods of time through out the day will make it so i can get through the day.

i am starting tomorrow but i will not b working full time this week so it will give my body a chance to get used to working. i will get paid in cash so no worries about the disability. i will not b making more than they allow anyways. at first i thought i would get paid to much but that will not b the case. i am not real happy about the amount i will b getting paid. i have made more as a nanny with 1 child and having to do less work around the house. i dont have alot i will have to do mainly just the boys laundry and keeping up with dishes. they have a maid service so i will not have to clean floors except of course little spills.

i am really hoping i can do this. i am hoping that being back in the field i love will make it eaiser to force myself to get up each morning. i am worried about ending up in the hospital for my asthma but i will just face that later. the main problem i guess will b that i still need surgery for the endometrisos but if it takes a long time to finish with the disability case then it will b perfect timing. by that i mean it will b close to summer and thats when i will b able to have the surgery. i will b working for 2 school teachers and the summer will b part time work just so i can make some money. so taking off even if its a month wont b a problem.waiting for the surgery will not cause health issues it just means i will b stuck with the pain from the endo for longer.

i really wish i didnt have to work right now or that my battle with disability would have ended ended si would b able to help my parents with out a job. i was planning on trying to work pt time after i got disiabilty and found a good dr and got on some meds to help me sleep and meds to better control my pain. i figured i would need more than disiabilty would give me in order to live on my own. have this job will make it to where once i get my disability i will b able to move out right away. that i am looking forward too. my own place and a kitty or 2 to love.

thank you every one for your help on this. i know i should have gotten a pt job but if u look at the hours the kids will b sleeping it kinda is pt only i will b out of my house for like 10 hours a day. there is now way i could manage any other kind of job with these hours. the only way i can do this one is cause the kids will b sleeping a good part of the time i will b working.

17

I just hope it works out okay, Eeyore. Do keep us updated and do take care of yourself! That's a lot of hours, working or not, and not a whole lot of money. Take care of YOU.

18

Thank you so much. If I had interviewed for this job in the past I would not have taken it making less than 1000 a month I will b right at about 1000. The only reason I am ok with this now is cause I know I will get about 1000 from Ss.I know that sounds bad but right now my parents r having trouble affording groceries let alone trying to help me with my medical needs. It took my mom and I sc.raping for change in our purses to b able to pay for my last prescription. I really don’t have much choice but to work and except the job I did.
I will make this promise to u and the others who I know that care so much about me that if this job ends up being to much on me I will quit. I will give the parents a chance to find another nanny 1st cause I would feel bad otherwise. But I promise to not let my parents money troubles cause me to end up really messed up from working a job I can’t handle.

19

Best of luck to you. Congratulations to you on getting a job so quickly!

20

Ask for cash then lol. (Ooops did that sound dishonest ). Just playing.